Friday, August 28, 2015

A Cosmic "Just Kidding"

That sounds about like msnbc.

At any rate, online rumors are apparently rife that a big ass-teroid is going to hit Earth in late September, and totally ruin Puerto Rico as a destination welfare resort.

NASA says "*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*".

My pet rock, Seymour, says "oh goodie, another Pulitzer opportunity in editing!"

My pet rock, and how easily deluded.

"Am NOT!!!"

Seymour, we'll let the readers be the judge:



Breathe easy: NANA says asteroid will destroy Earth next month but will only be kidding when it does it

By Seymour PetRock – WTF News Soivice

ROCKet Science This Isn't (see what the writer just did there?)

Breathe easy: NANA says asteroid will destroy Earth next month but will only be kidding when it does it     

The world can breathe easy unless they're in zero gravity without an airpak. 
 
In other news, a giant asteroid is or isn't hurtling toward Earth about to wipe out much of the long-since not-so-greater Deadtroit area. Or it's going to land near Puerto Rico. Or it's going to land on Hellary's email server. Or Donald Trump's 'doo. OR...it's going to take out Iran and rescue the worst American fauxtus in history from his own abject stupidity.

OR...NANA says that it's a giant “inflatable” asteroid and is, according to some scientists, “ rather like a large whoopee cushion and won't really mean it”, if it hits Earth, the Moon, or goes on to chase the Mars rover around some before going off into the deep space between Marie Harf's ears.
 
A toilet swirly of online rumors, blogs and offbeat news sites have claimed a major asteroid will impact Earth in mid- to late September near Puerto Rico or other points unrelated, totally screwing up the 2015 Fantasy Football League and pretty much screwing the pooch for the regular NFL too before Deflate-Gate can be resolved for an HBO pay-us-to--view movie starring Bent Afflack as Tom Brady, Ronda Rousey as “Gronk” and Hellary Clinton in a cameo as Bill Belichick, which is sure to get a renewed 'war on women” claim from #LeftistIdiotsMatterOnUranus.

Of more unimportance, it might give a modicum of hope to Hank Johnson, (dumbass) GA, regarding his prediction of Guam tipping over.

While msnbc gives 24/7 coverage for this event to it's five or so viewers, a researcher at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory's Don't Fart In Space office says this:

“There is no scientific basis — not one shred of evidence — that proves that Debbie Wasserman Schultz is NOT related to Medusa or any other asstro-located 'roid”.

But if the theory doesn't prove entirely baseless, NANA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory said in a post this week that the asteroid is “only kidding”, and “won't mean any harm to wherever it hits, if it does in fact hit something, somewhere”. NANA pointed out that doomsday theorists have made similar predictions in the past, including when Classic Coca Cola was cancelled and The Gong Show went off the air, all of which were not backed up by science or Nielsen ratings and turned out to be false.  The Gong Show remains on the air in the guise of Obola press conferences.

Again, Seymour thinks he's got a sure Pulitzer with this one.  I see a sure "Pull My Fanger" here.

"Do NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Seymour, remember what they said about that in zero gravity...


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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

You've done well as always Seymour. All the news is gloom and doom and you've capture that mantra very well.

Have a fabulous day Seymour. My best to your dad. ☺

28 August, 2015 09:37  

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