Saturday, January 17, 2015

Amadu...Gesundheit

Suzan Amadu has dropped me a line before.  Many times before.


She's no more convincing this time:




Hello my Beloved One,

Greeting from Mrs.Suzan Amadu, who contacted you long ago, I am very happy to inform you about my life today and success in getting those funds transferred to a India Account with the co-operation of a new partner from India who is an international businessman based in the United Kingdom. I thanked God for healing me from the cancer and stroke sickness for ever.

Presently I am in the India for investment projects with the total sum after the transfer of the fund here in India. Meanwhile, I did not forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.Now I want to notify you that I have deposited some funds ($500,000.00us) for your compensation with the western union money transfer to be transferred/send to you.They told me that they will be sending the sum of $5,000.00us to you everyday until the total sum is completed.

Now you have to Contact Dr. Patrick Onu on his contact below as he is the person in charge of your payment, just send him an email that I am the one that directed you to contact him in respect of your fund. Your first payment will be $5,000usd.

The Western union Agent Contact is:
Name: Dr. Patrick Onu
Email: w.union.a@hotmail.fr
Phone Number: 226 67 07 56 00
Address: 12 Koudougou Street, Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso

And don't forget to confirm to him below details for your payment.

Your Full Name:
Your City Address:
Your Country:
Phone Number:
Your Age:

And you should not hesitate to let me know when ever you receives your fund, Once again, they informed me that they will be sending the fund to you $5,000.00 every day. Please kindly update me whenever you have start receiving your fund.

Although I am very busy now with investment here as I wished.

Thanks
Best Regards.  


Since my pet rock Seymour has exhausted hisself with recent edits..."have NOT!!!"...I undertook to handle this one myself:


Hello my drugged and not yet awake One,

Greeting from Mrs.Suzan Amadu, the African slut who slept with everyone in the DNC when shipped here to cast illegal votes for obola in '12.  I am very happy to inform you that while my first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh efforts to give you the business were a monumental flop akin to Mary Landrieu's re-election bid, my fly infested internet cafĂ© handlers are giving me yet another chance to make good on screwing you over.  If this one doesn't work, I'm being leased to the UN peacekeepers in Sudan, Somalia...wherever they're tired of raping camels.  So you best pony up for me this time, asshat.

Getting back to the talking points...*removing thumb from bunghole and thumbing through paper, leaving bunghole prints on paper..*...oh, that's right.  It's about my life today and success in getting those funds transferred to a India Account with the co-operation of a new partner from Burundi who is an international businessman based in Siberia and is looking for his lost luggage at the Newark NJ airport.  Poor bastard.

Anyway, before he got so irretrievably lost, he found me a witch doctor named Ukulele Ungabungahornybooboo that's every bit as ugly as the one on that stupid TV show.  He writed for me a proscription that allowed my talking points to change from the last ones I sended you, and allowed me to recover from that horrible disease that caused my vagina to hang at my ankles.  It was pretty hard to walk with that, though with the right nudge....hooba dooba, baby.

Presently I am in the India part of Toledo for investment projects with an artificial piranha sodomizer named Eunuch.  He's looking for investment projects 'cuz his current one went phfffft on his first attempt.  Piranha are unforgiving little pricks.

Meanwhile, I did not forget your past efforts and successful attempts to screw up my carelessly laid plans.  I guess it failed us because you weren't the low information obola dependent dumbass that I was supposed to get to dupe.  Now I want to notify you that I am telled to told you that there is funds ($500,000.00 West African francs, worth about $99.95 toward the purchase of anything made by Bonco, UnInc) for your constipation with the western union, dah dit dah dit dah, dah dit dah dit dah, dit dah dit dah dit dah, yada dit yadah, that will be sended by insecure courier to you...a trained pterydactyl named Hillary.  Hide your lamps and breakables before she get there.

Now you have to Contact Dr. Sonny Bono on his contact below...uh....what?....oh sinus shit...*crumpling up talking points paper covered in bunghole prints*...dammit, Ogun, you gived me the wrong turking purnts!  Here it is...you has to contract Dr. Patrick Uno -- the maker of that lame card game -- as he is the person in charge of trying to help me get this shit right this time. Just send him an email that I am the one that directed you to contact him in respect of your fund. He'll figure out what to do, I hope.

The Western union Agent Contact is:
Name: Dr. Patrick Onu (if yours shows Sonny Bono, he's daid and so's my ploy)
Email: w.union.a@hotmail.fr
Phone Number: 226 67 07 56 00
Address: 12 Koudougou Street, Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso

And don't forget to confirm to him in 500 words or less why Lena Dunham is Nancy Pelosi's butt polyp; bonus credits if you can work Sandra Fluke, DWS and obola as three more of the same.  Then gives us your stuff below and we'll let you know if you winned or not.

Your Full Name:
Your City Address:
Your Country:
Phone Number:
Your Age:

And you should not hesitate to let me know when ever you suffers from painful rectal itch.  My witch doctor's been trying to remote spell cast on you for the last seven times you screwed me over, douchenozzle.  

Excuse please, I am having my genitals rebushed with a ham bone.  Not as bad as it sounds...worse.

Thanks
Best Regards.
Mrs.Suzan Amadu.  


Ms Suzan Amadu has pretty much given up on me -- until the next scam email -- but I'm sure the DNC has built up quite a dossier on me....

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahahaha. You totally trashed the original. Love this.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. :)

17 January, 2015 10:08  
Anonymous Debbie said...

India, that's a new one. So she has pretty much given up on you, too bad.

Debbie
Right Truth

19 January, 2015 09:53  

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