Monday, October 20, 2014

Scarred Wars


May of 1977.  Yep.  I stood in line to see this movie.  Can't remember which theatre any more; not even sure if it's still there.  Just know that we were in line for 3 hours just to get in.

At the time, it was worth it.

And I saw the '80 and '83 sequels.

Again, worth it.

I didn't see the three prequels, so I was spared direct exposure to JarJar Binks.

Almost as bad as ebola, or an obozo speech.

Of course, the whole world knows that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are at it again, attempting to resurrect the magic with Star Wars VII.

They barely got away with it in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

They already managed to waylay Han Solo in the process.  I hope obozocare hasn't jacked up his Medicaid too.

As the photo in the top right suggests, it doesn't matter what many of us think about this....we're probably going to see it.

Not sure what we'll see perxactly.  It might look a tad like this.  The three primary heroes, of course:

 At least Harrison still kinda sorta looks like Han Solo.

At least kinda sorta.

But what of the rest of the cast?  My pet rock, Seymour, was speculating on how the rest of the cast might appear today, 32 years after Star Wars VI.  And with Darth Vader dead, who'll take up the villainous slack?


Seymour went out online to find some answers.  And here's what he came up with.  For starters, he found what's passing for the new R2D2 (or so he says):

Somehow, I'm not buying it.

And Seymour insists that Chewbacca has aged remarkably, not to mention has expanded his horizons:

I keep telling Seymour that this is NOT Chewbacca.

"Is TOO!!!"

Whatever.

Even though both Obi-wan and Yoda are both Force-retired, Seymour insists that he's found who Lucas and Spielberg have in mind to replace them:

This, Seymour insists, is the new Yoda....and as for an aging, worn out, rode hard and put away wet Jedi ghost, Seymour insists that this is who Lucas and Spielberg insist upon filling the shoes of Obi-wan:

And I thought Yoda looked old.

Seymour also suggests that Lando Derisionan will make an appearance, as curator of the Cloud City Retirement Home for Jedi Masters:

As for the villains, Seymour says that Lucas and Spielberg found a couple of very fitting villains for Star Wars VII:  


Debbie JarJarhaid Schultz, Mistress of Dark Side Drivel, representing the evil galactic DNC*.  But wait, there's more:

Since Darth Vader is daid, meet the latest and even darker side of the Farce, DNC* style:  Ellie Vader, aka Bela Pelosi, Mistress Of Sucks.

The former Yoda, from deep in Force retirement, is amused not.

Seymour also insists that in Episode VII, Luke Skywalker will have to be very careful in his use of the Force; especially if he's had prunes for breakfast.

Hollyweird has a tendency to push sequels to the point of ludicrous.  Lucas got away with it spectacularly in Star Wars IV, V and VI.  Since I didn't see I - III, I can't say if he's worn out the string.

If Skywalker, Leia Organa and Solo can survive filming of VII, perhaps we'll have an answer on that.

Darkside National Committee, Debbie JarJarhaid Schultz, chairpoison.




 

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

I was standing in line for these movies too. With my son. He was a big star wars fan. Huge fan. The hours and hours that I stood in lines. It was worth every minute.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

20 October, 2014 09:58  

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