Wednesday, October 29, 2014

They Loan WHAT???

And I reckon that blanket there is the equivalent of a camel chastity belt.  But I digress.

Yup...gots me yet another email from another loan scammer.  Obozo must be sending billions of overprinted USD all over the place, 'cuz now the world of scammers wants us to borrow it.

At 3%.

Here's how the latest one started out; and it started as if he and I had already communicated, though I have no recollection of having done so:

WELCOME TO JAMES OWEN LOAN FINANCIAL SERVICE

Message received, well i will like to inform you that we do give out
loan/funds at 3.% interest rate, We will offer you loan as you
requested, be rest informed that we only attend to serious minded
individuals, if you are applying for this loan We will want you to be
very honest and serious about it, We will also want you to know that
getting a loan from this company is 100% assured with unlimited grace
of God.

    So it all depend on you, I will want you to fill out the
borrower's information below and return back to us as soon as possible
so that we can proceed with this transaction, Well we must let you
know that this company will highly appreciate your urgent response in
this transaction, and we shall all be in service with you to make sure
you receive this loan fast and with good faith, with grace all things
are possible so we shall invest trust and honest in this transaction.

   Qualifications On This Transaction:

  1)The Borrower must be trusted with good faith and unlimited grace
2)Even with Bad credit, we still Guarantee the Borrower the Loan with
unlimited grace in this company.
3)The Loan Can Be Granted Even With low credit.
4) Fixed Rate Of The Loan interest is 3.%.


LOAN APPLICATION DETAILS

Full Names:............
Gender:....................
Marital status:.........
Contact Address:...........
City/Zip code:..................
Country:........................
State:..........................
Age:...........................
Monthly Income:..............
Loan Amount:...................
Duration of Loan:............
Date Of Loan Needed:.............
Weekly Income:....................
Purpose for Loan:.................
Phone Number:....................
Personal Phone Number:.........
Fax Number:......................

     In acknowledgment to these details, We will send you a well
calculated Terms and Condition which will include the agreement’s of
this transaction, we will want you to fill the borrower's information
above  and return back to us as soon as possible so that we can
proceed further in this transaction.  



So let's see what he does when he receives the edit from my pet rock, Seymour, a notoriously amorous and perverse pet rock...

"Am NOT!!!"

Before Seymour digresses:


WELCOME TO JAMES OWEN LOAN RUBBER GENITALS SERVICE
One moment please, I receive a telepathetic message from you.

*Jeopardy Theme music*

 Message received, well i will like to inform you that we do give out loans of specifically requested genitals made out of rubber. 
We will offer you the rubberized genitals of any species that you
requested, be rest informed that we only attend to seriously disturbed individuals, if you are applying for this loan We will want you to be very honest and serious about the rubberized genitals that you choose.  We will also want you to know that getting a loan of specifically requested rubberized genitals of the species of your choice is 100% assured with unlimited grace of the allah toilet paper that we use here.

It has pictures of allah being chased by a pig.

So it all depend on you, I will want you to fill out the borrower's information below and return back to us as soon as possible so that we can proceed with the making of the rubberized, species-specified
genitals of your choice.  Well we must let you know that this company will highly appreciate your urgent response in this request, because we owes people moneys.


   Qualifications On This Transaction:

1)The Borrower must demonstrate that he/she knows what genitals are
2) Even with the Borrower isn't sure what genitals are, we still Guarantee the Borrower the Loan with the unlimited grace in this company of a manatee genital.
3)The Loan of specified rubberized genitals of any species can Be Granted Even With low credit.
4) Fixed Rate Of The Loan interest is 3% compounded hourly.


GENITAL LOAN APPLICATION DETAILS

Full Names (if you have a dozen, list them all please):............
Gender (male, female, trans, bi, WTF, penguin...whatever the f**k you think you is):....................
Marital status (not that this really matters, but it tell us lots if you are married and want this sh**):.........
Contact Address:...........
City/Zip code:..................
Country:........................
State:..........................
Age (we like to know the age of our customer perverts):...........................
Monthly Income:..............
Type Of Genitals Wanting To Borrow:...................
For How Long You Want Them:............
Date You Want Genitals To Arrives By:............
How Manys You Want Of Each:..................
Purpose You Intends for Our Rubberized Genitals (try not to be too crude, but explicit may be necessary):.................
Are You Interested In Weekly Specials (like four for the price of one piranha genitals ahead of Halloween):...................
Phone Number:....................
Personal Phone Number:.........
Fax Number:......................


    In acknowledgment to these details, We will send you a well calculated mental health profile which will include the agreement’s of 
 this transaction, we will want you to fill the borrower's information
above  and return back to us as soon as possible so that we can
proceed further in manufacturing your rubberized genitals.  
 
 
Mr. James Owens Loan Company seemed not so eager to respond to my pet rock's seriously disturbed edit.
 
"Am NOT!!!"

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4 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

I think Seymour has some issues concerning genitals. I know he's twisted, but he talks about genitals way too often.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

29 October, 2014 09:21  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Seymour probably is probably absorbed with genitals since he as a rock ain't got none.

30 October, 2014 14:09  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do TOO!!!

30 October, 2014 14:09  
Anonymous Debbie said...

James Owens sounds like a good old American guy, ha. Not Nigerian for a change.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

30 October, 2014 17:45  

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