Thursday, October 2, 2014

The Edit Left Her Speechless

This could be the reason that Miss Joy Emma is speechless.

After all, she sent me the exact same scam to three different email addresses.

She'd be a good Super Walmart shopper, buying 60 rolls of toilet paper at once, without knowing what it was.

Funny wheels for carts, maybe.

Anyway, here's what she sent me x 3:


Dearest in Christ,

I am Sister Joy Emma. from KUWAIT, I am married to Chief kamson Emma. He worked with KUWAIT embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2006 April 26. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

When my late Husband was alive he deposited the sum of $5,000,000.00 (Five million U.S. Dollars)in a Bank on my name as beneficiary of the fund here in Abidjan. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.
Nobody will ever come because the certificate of deposit are never available to any body except the depositor or me.I will be looking forward to your indication of interest so that we can proceed with the process of claiming the funds with the below information I will like you send to me:

Your Full Name................................
Address..........................................
Nationality..........................................
Age.....................................................
Sex.....................................................
Occupation..........................................
Tel & Fax No........................................
Mobile...................................................
A copy of your int'l passport or ID card............

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want you to use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that “Blessed is the hand that” giveth”. I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and many of relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my our efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don’t want a situation where this money
will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision.


I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that “the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace”. I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Hoping to receive your reply.

Yours in Christ,

Sister Joy Emma.  



My edit went back to her in triplicate as well:


Dearest in Heat,

I am Sister Joy Emma. from KUWAIT.  I first sent this email out about 9 years ago, when I was then married to the cannibal and reborn goat sodomizer Chief kamson Emma. He worked with KUWAIT embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2004 of trying to treat painful rectal itch with a Brillo pad.


We were married for eleven years without a child. You don't require a degree in rocket science to figure out why.

I am sending out again because I am counting on people who've never received this before to not be told by people who have received it before that I am already dead and that this is a robo-send by the first robotic fly-infested internet café in Lagos, Nigeria, where a cost-benefits analysis was recently completed and the handlers there decided that robotic scammers would be cheaper to use than real low life pieces of crap like heretofore.

Non sequitur...your facts are uncoordinated.  Dammit, I hate when one of my servers does that.  But I digress.
When my late Husband was alive he was frequently found wandering in the jungle, sticking his digit in knot holes, mistaking them for the back end of ready and willing goats.  See my second paragraph.
9 years ago, and then again recently because this talking point has not been updated, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem.  Granted, it's not the problem that the genital warts in my sinuses are.  Probably of more immediacy to my condition and the one that disturbs me most is the penile-looking polyp that's developed out of my right ear.  The nurses here are all calling me a dickhead and this most annoying.
I think that this talking point is failing in winning me sympathy from recipients.  See, I was right:  I just got an email from someone in Liechtenstein that called me a dickhead too.  Schweinhundt.
Having known my condition, a doctor sent it to Despair.com, and now I am learned that I'll be a page of their 2015 calendar.  
My fifteen minutes of fame isn't working out like the Kardashians.  
I decided to donate this email to a church that will utilize this email the way I am going to instruct herein. I want you to use this email as toilet paper for orgasms, windows, propagating flatulence, and to endeavour that the house of chili cheese fries is maintained. The Greater Editor of The Talking Point made us to understand that “Blessed is the hand that whacketh Mr. Happy". I took this to mean that our Great Editor of the Talking Point was a masturbator and pretty bored with actually working for a living.  Turned out I was right.
Don't shake hands with him if you ever meet.  Just saying.
Whatever else you do with this email of mine,  I don’t want my our efforts at grammar and editing to be used by unbelievers to swat flying toasters in a meth-induced Broadway fantasy show starring Justin Bieber.  He's a twit.  They have to use Rachal Madcow; she's more of a man than he is. 
This is why I am taking this decision.  And fitting it with a catheter.

I am not afraid of death because of my sinus genital warts.  I know that I am going to be in the bosom of a yak named Andreyev.  I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because I can't keep a straight face after hearing a school bus driver laugh on a YouTube video.  Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must have one helluvan overhand serve and backhand volley.  

Hoping to receive your reply even though I died 9 years ago and have since been scamming under the name of Achmed the Bedheaded TerrorLisp.  My parents were commenting the other day on how we blow up so fast now in ISIS.  Which explains why only part of me is sending you this.

Hooha,
Sister Joy Emma.
 
 
And ya know, she had nothing to say to any of the three...

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Well, what could she say? Bwahahahahahahahaha.

Have a fabulous day. My very best to Seymour. ☺

02 October, 2014 09:51  
Anonymous Debbie said...

Good one.

My hubby answered a scam phone call the other day. He pretended to be an old retired man. The scammer told him to give him his credit card number. Hubby said 'I don't have one". So the guy tells him to go to Wal-Mart and buy a Wal-Mart card and the scammer would call him again next Wednesday with an address where he should mail the card. My hubby was having way too much fun toying with the scammer.

The scammer never called back.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

02 October, 2014 18:46  

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