She Could Be In Deadtroit

How I do love the 'rich refugee' email scams.

I got a series of short emails from *women* claiming they found my FacePlant profile online and want to get to know me better.

Uh huh.

Here's how it started, with an email allegedly from Lillian Desmond, with a name change in the email:

hello

my name is alise i saw your profile today and i really love it.please try and reply me back me,i will give you full introduction of my self also send you my pictures.and there is important issue i like to tell you.waiting to hear from you

soon.Yours Alise.  

 

I had no doubt about what the "important issue" was.  But what the heck...I responded thus:

 

Are you Alise or Lillian?  Are you mammal, marsupial or analpod?  Do you like sex or do you just abuse cucumbers?  Inquiring minds want to know. 

 

As I expected, it wasn't what I replied with...it was that I replied at all, as you see next:  

 

Hello my dear,
I am more than happy when i saw your mail. how was your day?,Mine is a little bit cold over here in Dakar Senegal. My name is Alise Benson from  Ivory Coast in West Africa,5.7ft tall, Fair in complexion, 24 years old (never married before) and presently i am residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar senegal as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country. My late fatherless One, Dr Gilbert Benson was the managing director of Benson Gold & Mine Industry ( Ltd ) and he was the personal adviser to the former head of state (Late Dr Gilbert Benson ) before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my father in cold blood.It was only me that is alive now and I managed to make my way to a near by country Senegal where i am living now.I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing and my hobbies are football and movies presently.I will tell you more about myself in my next mail.Attached my picture here, I will also like to see your own picture.Hoping to hear from you soonest thanks for lovely picture you send to me.
Alise.  

 

And she included two photos:

 

And:

Not bad for someone living in a Senegalese refugee camp, eh?  Of course, if you read betwixt the lines of her email, you can see why and where this is headed.

So naturally, I had to respond:

Hello back.

Well now...you certainly lead a life just now that sucks pretty bad, don't you?  Yet I see in your pictures that you're well-dressed and well-fed.  So life in a Senegalese refugee camp can't be too bad, all things considered.  You could have found yourself in Deadtroit.  Or DC.

More about me?  I am male.  Single.  45 years old.  I have a job...townhouse...car...a few additional conveniences.  I like storm chasing, chemistry in my townhouse garage laboratory -- I've had to rebuild it twice when I mixed the wrong compounds -- and nights pondering cosmic sex in the back yard.

So tell me more about what you dream of. 

 

Yeah, I know...she did ask for a picture of me.  Here's what she got:

 

Apparently a picture is worth no more words to her than those I dun writ:

 

 Hello my dear,
I am more than happy when i saw your mail. how was your day?,Mine is a little bit cold over here in Dakar Senegal. My name is Alise Benson from  Ivory Coast in West Africa,5.7ft tall, Fair in complexion, 24 years old (never married before) and presently i am residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar senegal as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country. My late fatherless One, Dr Gilbert Benson was the managing director of Benson Gold & Mine Industry ( Ltd ) and he was the personal adviser to the former head of state (Late Dr Gilbert Benson ) before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my father in cold blood.It was only me that is alive now and I managed to make my way to a near by country Senegal where i am living now.I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing and my hobbies are football and movies presently.I will tell you more about myself in my next mail.Attached my picture here, I will also like to see your own picture.Hoping to hear from you soonest thanks for lovely picture you send to me.
Alise. 


But...but...I SENT HER MY PICTURE...well not really, but it WAS a picture.  At any rate, then she follows up with yet another email:

Hello My Dear,

firstly I thank you for your reaction to my email; inline with the
message, which I have sent to you.How is every thing over there in your
country, i believe that you are in good health, and that the atmosphere
over there in your country is very nice today? Mine is a little bit warm

over here in Dakar Senegal.

My name is Alise Benson  i am 24 years old  but your age doesn't matter
in a real relationship, I am from  Ivory Coast in West  5.2ft tall, fair
in complexion single,(never married ) and presently i am residing here
in Dakar as a result of the civil war that was fought  in my country
some years ago..

My late father Late Dr Gilbert Benson; and he was the personal adviser
to the former head of state Late Dr Gilbert Benson (Gold & Mine
Industry.) in the capital of Ivory Coast, before the rebels attacked our
house one early morning and killed my father and mother in cold blood.

Right now, as i am talking to you, i am the only person alive in my
family, and I managed to make my way to a near by country ( Senegal )
where i am leaving now as a refugee under the care of a Reverend Pastor
and i am using his computer to send these message to you now.

Please do not be offended for this message that comes from me please,
its just that i don't know what else to do, because  my situation here
as the refugee is giving me a great concern, therefore, i will like you
to consider my situation as an orphan, and be kind with me, as i am
putting the whole of my trust on you with out fear, though i don't know
who you are before, but i believe that you can not betray it at the end.

I have communicated you because of  my difficult situation here in this
refugees camp, Its just like one staying in the prison and i hope by
Gods grace i will come out here soon.

I don't have any relatives now whom i can go to, all my relatives ran
away in the middle of the war the only person i have now is the pastor (Reverend Dickson Boutin), who is the pastor of the

CHRIST DE SAVIOR MISSION  ( revdicksonvission@yahoo.com)
here in the camp, he has been very nice to every body in the camp, but
we are not living with him, rather we are leaving in the hostel, which
is divided into two sections, one for the male, and the other for the
female.

The Pastors Tel number is  (+221-764826289 ) if you call  and tell him
that you want to speak with me (Alise) he will send for me in the
hostel. As a refugee here, i don't have any right or privileged to any
thing, be it phone or money what ever, because it is against the law of
this country.

My dear I want to go back to my studies because i only attended my first
year before the tragic incident that lead to my being in this situation
now took place.

Please listen to this (please it's a secret, even no one knows about it except the Reverend father that knows about it), I have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here  with me, which i will send to you latter, because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in bank which he used my name as the next of kin, the total amount, is $5,500,000 ( Five Million Five Hundred
Thousand US Dollars).

So i will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and
from it, you can send some money for me to get my traveling documents
and air ticket to come over to meet with you. I kept this secret to
people in the camp here, the only person that knows about it, is the
Reverend because he is like a father to me.

So, i will like you to keep it to  yourself and don't tell it to anyone
because i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to
know about it.

Remember i am giving you all this information due to the trust i deposed
on you. I like honest and understanding people,truthful and a man of
vision, hardworking and GOD fearing people.

My favorite language is English  and i speak English very fluently (she just doesn't read it worth a damn).   Meanwhile i will like you to call me like i said i have a lot to tell
you, Have a nice day and think about me. waiting to hear from you

Yours in Love,
Miss Alise,
Please see this, I love you.  

Awww...she wuvs me.  And has a text book scam all wined up for me to get screwed wiff.  My reply:

This is a most fatuous and interesting effort to give me the business you are pitching here, Alise Benson.  There is a real tragedy at work here, in that you have $5.5 Million USD in  a bank somewhere, yet you have to live in a refugee camp in the antonym to Las Vegas, Senegal.  No relation to Steven Segal, I suspect.  That you would choose me to try this with -- out of all the people in the world you could have contacted -- leaves me with very special thoughts.  At some point, I'll share them.  So...let's get right to it.  What do you require of me that is within my specious abilities to carry through?  Elucidate me (we can do that dutch) with details.  Give my regards to your rev.  He deserves something out of this.  

So what comes next from "Alise baby"?  We're getting down to the rat killin' as she tells me to send this email "immedate" to the following email address:


Attn/ Mr Nelson Geelan, RBS
Sir,

Iam the foreign partner of  Miss Alise Benson and I want to know the
possibilities of assisting me transfer her $5.5 million dollars
deposited by her late father Dr. Gilbert Benson of which she is the next
of kin to my account in my country as her request and here are the
information needed for the account.

Name of depositor................Dr. Gilbert Benson.
Next of kin..........................Miss Alise Benson
Amount deposited...............(US$5,500,000)
Account number.................. BLB745008901546/QB/91/A
Country of origin.................. Rep. Ivrey
Coast
Name of the bank................ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND PLC.

So could you advice me what steps and documents needed for me to stand on
behalf of Miss Alise to transfer her late father's  money to my account
in my country as Miss Alise requested as the next of kin to her late
father Dr Gilbert Benson
Your highly cooperation will be appreciate, waiting your reply soon
Thanks,

Mr............

NOTICE....... PLEASE SEND THIS MAIL TO THE BANK IN LONDON THROUGH THEIR EMAILS HERE.

The contact information of the bank are as follows;

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND PLC LONDON UK.
Email addresses,  ( royalbankscland@aol.co.uk) 

I'll get right on that, Alise baby.  

After I 'doctor' it up some...:

Attn/ Mr Nelson Geelan, WTF
Sir,

Iam is a cat food.  Just sayin'.

That bein' said, it be the foreign partner of  Miss Alise Benson and it be wantin
to ax you of the possumbilities of assisting me transfer her $5.5 million dollars
to a bank vault on Uranus.  Here are the information needed for the account.

Name of depositor................Iam is a cat food.  Just sayin'.
Next of kin..........................Miss Alise Benson aka Alise baby.
Amount deposited...............(US$5,500,000 in Monopoly mony)
Account number.................. KMA745008901546/QB/91/A
Country of origin.................. Rep. Ivrey...and if you find where that is, you're way ahead of any geography class
Name of the bank................ROYAL BLANK OF SCOTS TURF BUILDER PLC.

So could you advice me what steps on documents in such a manure for me to stand on
at least one half of Miss Alise to make me taller?  Iam is a cat food, but Iam do this as Miss Alise requested me (aka Iam a cat food) as the next of kin to her late sock puppet that doubles as a dildo  that sorta reassembles the backside of Dr Gilbert Benson.  Your highly cooperation and lack of proofread skills will be appreciate, waiting your reply soonester
Thanks,

Iam a cat food...just sayin'. 

 

...I send it.

And not wholly unexpected...they didn't READ IT:

Welcome to The Royal Bank of Scotland Plc United Kingdom. 

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND PLC LONDON
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND PLC.Email .Address:Royaltransfer-(royalbankscland@aol.co.uk)  plc,

Registered in Scotland No. 90312.

 
Tel/Fax +447031858220 or + +447031858279
Fax number   +447031857372

For Your Kind Attention,

Sir/Mrs/Mr  Just Sayin.    I have been directed by the director of Foreign Operation / Wire Transfer to write you in respect to your email / contact which we have received from your partner (who is currently in Dakar Senegal as a refugee).

Actually,we have earlier been informed about you by the young lady (Miss Alise Benson) who is (the next of kin to her late father's deposit in our bank ) that she wishes you to be her trustee/representative for the claim of her late father's deposit with this bank.

Her late father Dr Gilbert Benson is our customer with substantial amount (5.5 Million $)he deposited with us before his death.

Hence you have really been appointed as a trustee to represent the next of Kin.
 
However before our bank will transact any business concerning the transfer of the fund to your bank account,we will like you to send the followings immediately to our bank: According to international banking rules on foreign remittance.

1.A power of attorney permitting you to claim and transfer the funds to your bank account on her behalf.
Note:This Power of attorney must be endorsed by a Senegalese resident lawyer( since the Girl is Currently residing in Senegal)

2.The death certificate of Her deceased father confirming his death.
3.A copy of Statement of account issued to her deceased father by our bank.
4.An Affidavit of support from Senegalese high court .

Note:The above are compulsory,and are needed to protect our interest,yours and the next of kin after the transfer has been made.

These shall also ensure that a smooth,quick, and successful transfer of the fund is made within 48hrs from when we receive the above named documents.
 

Should you have any question(s)
please contact the Operational
Director of Finance
Mr Nelson Geelan .through his email address thus

These guys, dey cracks me up.

So I sez to da broad -- dats Alise, y'know -- I sez:

So hokay...who's got dem documents dis mug is talkin' about heah?  And how doez I gettum to dem mugs, deah? 

At this point, I think I can write about ANYTHING, and have these yutzes think they're taking me to the cleaners.  Not that they'd know what that means...but it's accurate, as Alise baby responds to my response to the bank:


Hello Darling,How are you today I hope all is well with you.l have been very happy since you came into my life l know that my dream must surely come true.l will go to my reverend father and plead with him to help me and look  for a good lawyer now, and l will  gave you the contact information of the lawyer here in Senegal so that you will contact him through email or telephone so that he will help us to get the Documents ready and also stand for us. So that the bank will transfer the money to your account as soon as possible, l will advice you as soon as the money transferred to your account you can come to Senegal to pick me.Please darling, you know all my hope is on you now l don't have anybody to stay with, that is why am hurry to come there spend the rest of my life with you, and also to have a better life,my life here is like somebody that stay in the prison, No freedom no good food. even good drinking water, in fact life here  is so difficult for me to face as a woman of my age, please help me out am in deep pain.l will send you the lawyer information as soon as he comes back.Thank you so much for your love and effort towards me and also to see that this transaction went successful l really appreciate it, may the Almighty God bless you, please honey I will like to see you face to face one day,Yours Sincere.Miss Alise 


So very shortly yet another player will be jumping into the fray.  But for now:


Hey, ain't nuthin' but a thang.  Have your bannister get me the documents for the bank, and we be on our way to a happy ending.  

Now she sets me up the third member of her scam team:


 Sweetheart,
Thanks for your ability to help me transfer the money to your position pending my arrival to meet with you,it shows you are a dependable and trustworthy man.Listen, before i gave you this information i saw your profile that you matched mine,i have never told anybody about this money the only people that knows about it is you and me no one again knows about it (since my parent's are dead)
So,i will also advise you to please keep it to yourself because i am afraid of loosing the money to people who will disappoint me when the money gets to there care that was why it took me time to tell you about it and i promise you this from my heart (I AM NOT GOING TO DISAPPOINT YOU) and i equally expect the same from you.
Now,regarding the requests the bank needs from us i have with me here the Death Certificate and Deposite Certificate of the money (which i will give to the lawyer when he agrees to help us) ,and also my father's WILL which he wrote before he pass away (which i will also give him,so he can send them to you ) I thought it's the only thing the bank will need from us but since they need the power of attorney and the affidavit of support,i have informed one lawyer about this case ,he is a registered lawyer in the United Nations Camp here and he is also a registered member in (Senegalese Bar Association) who will help in preparing the documents for us. Darling please i will like you to send him your contact information you (HOUSE TELL PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS AND ALSO YOU FULL NAME,)

Please i will like you to contact him through email or phone,when your contacting him, tell him that you are my Foreign partner and you want him to prepare a power of attorney and also get the affidavit of support from high court here in Dakar Senegal and that he will do it in your name to enable the transfer of my (Late) father's ACCOUNT IN THE  ROYAL  BANK  OF SCOUT LAND to the account in Your country.

His contact information is as follows,
Mame Henrey Kalifa & Associates
Address: 127-119 Rue Mousse
Diop x Amadou Assane kalifa

Email, ( henrykalifachembers@hotmail.com )
          ( henrykalifachembers@yahoo.co.uk )
          ( henreykalifachembers@gmail.com )

tel: +221-77-793-14-86
contact a lawyer
Mame Henry Kalifa
From  Alise.  

So I forwarded that email to Henry, and here's his response:

ADVOCATES & ASSOCIATESHEAD OFFICE NO; 48 AVENUE LAMINE GUEYE.                                                                 DAKAR--SENEGAL--WEST--AFRICA

 TL; + 221-77-793-14-86.
 FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION,SIR/MR. TREX FEATHERS.

SEQUEL TO YOUR MAIL TO MY LAW FIRM TODAY ON HOW TO PREPARE A POWER  ATTORNEY TO YOU AND YOUR PARTNER  ( MISS ALISE BENSON)

MY NOBLE LAW STRONG DESIRE TO  BRING TO YOUR NOTICE  THAT BEFORE  WE CAN CONTINUE  THIS SERVICE   YOU HAVE TO FORWARD TO THIS LAW FIRM IMMEDIATELY YOUR FULL CONTACT INFORMATION THROUGH MY EMAIL ADDRESS

(YOUR NAMES / NATIONALITY / DATE OF BIRTH / ADDRESS AND CONTACT TEL.NUMBER. AS YOU WANT TO IT TO APPEAR ON THE POWER OF ATTORNEY).

so that I will go to the Federal High Court here to determine the cost of authentication before they can become valid after my law firm. will contact you back to the terms and conditions before you accept so that the required legal services .    
 
(MY PRIORITY IS TO RENDER THE BEST SERVICE TO MY CLIENTS)
Sincerity's in your service,
 
Main partner. Esq.
tel: +221-77-793-14-86 
Henry Kalifa

Website: www.avocats-maga.sn  

10-05-2014 

So after all this time without ever having given any of them a name, I decide on which character gets to play:


 YOUR NAMES:  I only have the one...Jack N. Ewehoff
 NATIONALITY:  American
 DATE OF BIRTH *-*-**
 ADDRESS AND CONTACT TEL.NUMBER (the two I frequently use for these clowns)


And now we await the moment of *TOING*...how much it's gonna cost  ;-)  And it only takes the "legal eagles" -- they crack my pet rock up -- a day to figure out the costs:


Purposes.The Cost in Dollar. A -Authentication of the power of attorney----$400.00 Dollar                      

B -Swearing of the affidavit of oath at the federal high court here before it becomes valid ----$300.00 Dollar.   

 C -Notary stamping at the notary office (before it will go out from Senegal here)---$150.00   Dollar                       

 D -The firm legal Processing fees�----$100.00  Dollar

 Total of All ($950.00) Nine Hundred and Fifty Dollar only) To get everything Done. 

But wait...there's more:

Make sure you send this money through any Western Union or Money Gram transfer nearest to you today or latest tomorrow.
with this information,
Mr Georgy Akimbi
Dakar Senegal.

Note!!
Mr Georgy Akimbi is the chembers financial controller and my
personal assistant.   


Your gulls are more expensive than I had expected for these the documents.  I'll require a day or so to obtain the fees.  Patience.  What I find more interesting is that you have buildings three floors high.  I'm impressed.  

That drew no response from the bannister, but the rich refugee is getting noivice:


please my love i hear from the attorny that you have not yet bought the documents.  please do not let me down.  Your fugure wife.  

My what?

Not to worry, sugar puss...I'm workin' on it.  

And to the bannister:

Can I simply this whole process by sending you the money directly, cutting out the middleman? 

I am not sure what you means here.  What middleman?  Just send the fees as instructed okay?  Time is not on our side.  Please do this soonest. 

Even though "time is not on our side", my character decided to seek more time so it could get more off our side.  Thus:


In order to pay this high fee, I must convert an investment to cash.  I won't have that money until next Wednesday (five days from now) so this will have to do.  I am sorry if time is not on your side...perhaps a pocket watch could remedy that. 

I love the response:

MR   JACK N. EWEHOFF.

I wish you all the best of today,how is your family and work,hoping is nice there?
well i have seen and heard all you said here,all i wish is that this transaction be made
successfully which will give room for us to be good friends in future
so try your best to see that on that said date the money will get to us here so that we pay and get
these peppers from the high court here ok.
goodluck and have a wonderful day.

(MY PRIORITY IS TO RENDER THE BEST SERVICE TO MY CLIENTS) Sincerely in your service,
Bar. Henry Kalifa & Associates
Principal Partner. Esq.
No 48 Avenue Lamine Gueye (3rd-floor)
Dakar, Senegal.  Tel+77-793-14-86   
16-05-2014  


$950 to pay for PEPPERS???

Anyone using this 'legal firm' is getting screwed.  *TOING*

And Alise baby weighs in too:

please do not let me down my future huband.  please dont fail send the money as you promise. 


So I notify her as I have the bannister:

I have notified the bannister that I can have the money for the documents wired to him by Wednesday, May 21.  I hope that this is soon enough. 


thanks for this information and God bless you
i pray that the Almighty God will make ways for you so that my life will be bettered soon
have a nice weekend
thanks once again and bye for now. 

I live but to serve, Alise.  Come Wednesday, you shall be the recipient of that service.  Your thanks are all that I'll ever need.

*Jeopardy Theme looped for five days*

And comes the promised Wednesday, I send the bannister ten of the becoming-famous Seymour hundreds along with this:

Bannister:  I know the bill was less, but I sent you enough to let your wife buy the wife a box of meerkat ear fur tampons or something.  Tell her it's on me.  Now as for what you are seeing here,

we had storms today that knocked out power, sucked away old people and small animals, and dropped enough hail to make us think global warming was suffering pms.  

Instructions (because everything needs instructions with some people not being so bright these days):

1.  Print these off on a superior quality color printer.

2.  Make sure you print them the right size, otherwise your bank's money counters will jam.

3.  With these, the peppers are paid for.

4.  All is in tune with the universal drum circle beat to the tune of Surfer Bird.

5.  Your client will kiss you with her ass, overjoyed that you've seen to her in this manure.

 

The bannister might have been speechless for a moment or so, but for perhaps the only time during this series of email exchanges, does ANYONE on that side of the scam appear to have actually read what I writ.  This response suggests to me that he did with his two syllable response:

BASTARD  

I get called that a lot lately in Scam Land.  As for what Alise baby has to say, well....I can only imagine, 'cuz she ain't saying it to my character  ;-)