Even Desks Are Scamming

You know that the scammers are getting desperate when they have their own DESKS sending out the scam email.

Oh yes...it's being blamed on the DESK now.

Here is proof from the latest scam email I 'won':


FROM:THE DESK OF THE MANAGING DIRECTOR AND ON-LINE
CO-ORDINATOR INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRICE AWARD
DEPARTMENT AUSTRALIA INTERNATIONAL SWEEPSTAKES
LOTTERY CORPORATION 

See? 

So naturally, the desk HAD to figure into the edit of this ruddy great gem:

FROM: THE INANIMATE DESK OF THE MANAGING DIRECTOR AND ON-LINE
CO-ORDINATOR FOR INTERNATIONAL SCAM LOTTERY PROMOTIONS/PRICE AWARD
DEPARTMENT AUSTRALIA INTERNATIONAL SWEEPSTAKES
LOTTERY CORPORATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ELECTRONIC MAIL SCAM AWARD WINNING NOTIFICATION AWARD
PRESENTATION CENTER . SOUTH-AUSTRALIA. AUSTRALIA BY WAY OF A FLY-INFESTED INTERNET CAFE IN NIGERIA.

WINNING NOTIFICATION / FINAL NOTICE (NOT REALLY) !!!!!!!!!!!

AUSTRALIA LOTTERY INT'L.
5th Floor East
Commonwealth Center
55 Currie Street
Adelaide SA 5000,
South-Australia.
AUSTRALIA .

DATE: 26TH APRIL, 2014.


Ref: 475061725
Batch:7056490902/188
Winning no: GB8701/LPRC:

RE: WINNING NOTIFICATION CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Crikey Bloke,

Our desk is ruddy delighted to inform you that we has find your email address so as to allow our desk the privilege of trying to scam you with yet another bloody wog of a Australian International Lottery

programmed.  Our desk wants you to know that your being selected is fully based on our having found your email address!

Ruddy marvelous!  Throw another shrimp on Barbie and let's rock this circus straight on, you bloody 'roo!

Your email address was attached by our desk to ticket number 17212, serial number 7741137002.  Neither of which means bloomin' genital wankers!   You hereby have been selected by our ruddy inanimate desk to be led to believe you're gonna get US $950,000.00 (NINE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS).

Like our bloody f***ing desk has that kinda cash to give out!

Only a bloody idjit would believe an email like this from a ruddy f***ing desk.

Furthermore, what should be a whacking great tip-off that this is a bloody scam is the fact that your prize of US$950,000..00 will be released to you from this regional branch office in
NIGERIA.

Like, Hell-f***ing-OOOO????

HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE: Simply contact our fiduciary agent DIRECTOR'S desk, since it's desks here that issue this sh** out, and not real people.

The desk in this case belongs to the very (un)REV. DR. LARRY PETERSON ATdirector.drlarrypeterson@gmail.com

Note, all winnings MUST be claimed before the 31ST OF JULY 2014; otherwise our desk will have to send this whacking great wad of sh** out all over again, and again, and again....

PLEASE DO REPLY TO THIS EMAIL; our desk has sensitive feelings.

CONTACT YOUR CLAIMS AGENT ATdirector.drlarrypeterson@gmail.com

ANY BREACH OF CONFIDENTIALITY ON THE PART OF THE WINNERS WILL RESULT IN OUR DESK HAVING TO SEND THIS OUT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN...PLEASE DON'T DO THAT TO OUR DESK.

Simply contact your claims agent DIRECTOR'S DESK SOONEST ATdirector.drlarrypeterson@gmail.com

OR CALL THE DESK SO IT CAN GET EXCITED THAT SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY RESPONDING TO THIS WHACKING GREAT EMAIL FULL OF SH**!

TELL: +234-803-521-1539.

Best Regards,
The Desk of Mrs. Nancy Viduka. (Co-ordinator).

The Australian Lottery Run By Nigeria:  Our Desks Do It All 

 

Despite the edit -- which obviously wasn't read on the other end of reception -- I was gratified to learn that I had been "verified a winner".

I also note that their desk was not the respondent this time.  Too bad...I kind of enjoyed emailing back and forth with a desk.

At any rate, now I had to send my informations to a new scammer in the equation:


Attn: Dear Winner:Won Email: {*************@yahoo.com}

This office is in good receipt of your winning  Information well stated.  However, we wish to inform you that the Australian International Lottery programme is fully based on electronic selection of winners using their e-mail addresses from some site.

 

You are verified and authorized to contact the approved paying  bank for immediate release and transfer of your prize money.  you are to write an application letter for the transfer of your  prize money, you are to submit scanned copy of your international driving license, or any valid identity card of your country/ state/ institution/ company/ or international passport to the bank via e-mail for true identification to avoid double entry of claim.

              BANK CONTACT:
Bank Contact; Director Dr. Arthur Moore.
United Bank for Africa Plc,
Office of Claims Verification and International Remittance.
United Bank for Africa plc, UBA House 57, Marina,
Lagos, Nigeria.
Tel: +234-816-184-8533.
E-mail: info.unitedbankingonlineplc@gmail.com

Contact the bank immediately you receive this message.  Remember a limited time is given for your claims.  Do not forget to update us with information of your success with the bank for accountability.

Required information for bank transfer:
Full Name:.......................................................,
Date of Birth:...................................................,
Current Address...............................................,
Sex..................................................................,
Nationality.......................................................,
Occupation......................................................,
Telephone/Fax.................................................,
E-mail..............................................................,
Name of Bank Account Holder.........................,
Bank Account No.............................................,
Bank Name and Address.................................,
Bank Account Swift Code................................,
Date................................................................,

                 Warning:
Any double entry of claim brings disqualification.  Therefore, every winner is granted to keep all his/her winning information very confidential and away from the public until you receive your payment to avoid  double entry of claim.

No "double claiming", eh?  Well, let's see what happens when my character AND my pet rock submit a claim on the same 'winning'.  So minutes apart, I have my character send in his 'claim form', followed by my pet rock.

Naturally, Seymour had to be a bit of a smart ass and list his DOB as "12-32-01".

"Am NOT!!!"

And would that result in a disqualification as originally claimed by the responding scammer?
Answer:  not at all:

From: Office Of The Director,

DR. ARTHUR MOORE (DIRECTOR).
International Remittance & Claims Department,

United Bank for Africa.

HEAD OFFICE:
UBA HOUSE, 57, MARINA LAGOS NIGERIA.

TELL:234-816-184-8533.
FAX: +234-830-01-741.

 info.unitedbankingonlineplc@gmail.com 

                                                          Date: 29th April, 2014.

 Attn: Dear Valued Customer, 

           Ben Dover. (Note to my pet rock:  my character wins, you got ignored...phffffffffffffft).

 

Re: beneficiary of USD $950,000,00. From the Australia international lottery programme. 

The United Bank for Africa Nigeria has acknowledged the receipt of your e-mail application regarding your prize won from the Australian international lottery programme in accordance of order of payment release given to you by the Australian international lottery inc., compelling our bank to release and transfer your fund/prize deposit to you. We have already received some of your information needed before transfer of your prize money from the Australian lottery agency.

  However, the Australian international lottery programme deposited the sum of NINE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS (US$950,000.00) in bank certified draft to the nomination of this email address  {************@yahoo.com} that won their lottery through electronic selection of email addresses.

 Consequently, we have proceeded with processing of your payment release over your prize approved payment file no.7056490902/188, which has been submitted to our exchequer unit for internal control and endorsement. You are therefore required to provide us with your identification proof, eg driving license, international passport or any valid government approved identity card.

 

   Our international remittance unit shall communicate to you in due time regarding further information, requirements and instructions for your payment release approval after your receipt of this e-mail. Therefore you will be hearing from us soonest.

The management of United Bank for Africa congratulates you on your victorious emergence as one of the winners.

 

                              SECURITY ALERT/WARNING
Notice: you are required to keep all information of your winning only to your self and without the consent of the public to avoid double entry of claim. Any double entry of claim will result to disqualification. 

  Signed,
           Dr. Arthur Moore(director)
international remittance unit and claims department,*************disclaimer************   this e-mail, any attachments and the information contained therein ("this message") are confidential and intended solely for the use of the addressee(s). if you have received this message in error please send it back to the sender United Bank for Africa (international remittance unit) Lagos Nigeria and delete it. Unauthorized publication, use, dissemination or disclosure o f this message, either in whole or in part is strictly prohibited.
 © 1862-2014 United Bank for Africa plc. All rights reserved.

As I said...not at all.

So now that Seymour is pouting ("PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"), Ben answers without sending them his ID...by making up one:

You will understand my reluctance to send you a copy of my current DL, issued by the state of Colorado, USA, since such things are routinely abused online. I will however send you the information thereon: 

Number:  94-019-4909  Expires 1-1-16

Class:  R    Rest:  V    Previous Type:  A

Ht:  6'0"    Wt:  230    Eyes:  Two    Sex:  Yes

DOB:  1-1-1980

Ben Dover

*** ******** Street

******** City CO 80427  
 

 

 And what comes as absolutely NO surprise...they didn't read the information I sent...it only mattered that I responded:

This is to notify you that we have concluded our verification process and that a cheque of Nine Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars ($950,000.00) has been signed and endorsed by the Australian international lottery inc. in your favor thereby authorizing us to pay the aforesaid prize money to you as one of their bonafide lottery prize winners. 

We hereby compel you to find attached copy of our official gazette for transfer of payment in hard currency. You are to choose one and get back to us depending on the one you choose before the time given to you to claim your prize. Failure to do so attracts a penalty of which you will have yourself to blame.

 

Furthermore, you are required to be physically present here in Nigeria to swear an Affidavit of claim endorsment before a Federal High Court here in Nigeria which would legally empower us to release the fund to you. This Affidavit is a court clearance that this fund is not being transfered upon MONEY LAUNDERING or for  TERRORISM funding. Whereby you cannot be physically present here to endorse the FUND RELEASE ORDER (F.R.O) however, we shall assign a lawyer from our legal department to assist you in this regard, but it will be your responsibility to defray the cost of Affidavit and Stamp Duty of the Federal High Court which amounts to USD$680.00 (Six Hundred and Eighty United States Dollars).

 

Therefore, if you cannot be physically present here to endorse the Fund Release Order (F.R.O), you are advised to send the above stated sum for the Affidavit and Stamp Duty, to our account department through our senior account officer Mr. Nnadozie Emenyonu, via MONEY GRAM OR WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER  with the below information.

 (1) Receiver’s Name: Mr. Nnadozie Emenyonu.
(2) Address: Lagos Nigeria. (3) Amount : $ 680.USD

(4) Text Question: Transfer(5) Text Answer: Yes
(6) (MTCN): CONTROL NUMBER.......................

And now it's time to play..."What's an MTCN?":


I am truly gratified to learn that I am certified a winner.  I've been certified a lot of things in my day, but never that.  Howsoever..What is this fee and to whom am I sending it in Nigeria, if this is the Australian Lottery?  I am not understand please.

Sequel to your email, The management of the United Bank for Africa PLC, wishes to bring to your notice that we have completed all necessary signatory and documentation as it concerns your prize payment, the only thing holding your prize money payment is the provision of a sworn affidavit of claim  from the Federal High Court of Justice here in NIGERIA.

As soon as you send us the mandatory Affidavit Fee, we shall mandate our lawyer Barr. Yinka Hassan to proceed to the Federal High Court of Justice to act on your behalf. After our lawyer must have sworn and obtained the affidavit of claim and facts on your behalf, we shall present it to the apex bank (The Central Bank Of Nigeria) to secure foreign exchange and the mandatory transfer permit needed to facilitate your prize money transfer.

As a professional banking organization, we are created and empowered by governmental laws and regulations. And by the virtue or our allegiance to the government, we are compelled by rules to summarily obey and implement every government and international regulations that affects our banking relationship with our customers.

I wish to let you know that I Dr. Arthur Moore do not own UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA. I owe UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA a duty of granting Her customers maximum satisfaction in as much as they meet with the transfer requirements. Ethically, I'm professionally prohibited to lend or receive any form of monetary inducement or compensation from our customers, should I be caught doing that, I will automatically lose my job.

In your payment approval you were required to be physically present here in Nigeria to make this transaction. Due to the inability of some of our international customers to be physically present here the UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA has no option to this.

It is either you be physically present here in Nigeria, or you send the Aforementioned Affidavit Charge Immediately without further delay with the information given to you earlier to enable us commence with the process and immediate release of your prize money into your stipulated bank account.   

 

Well that certainly clarifies things.  I'll get right on it.  Except...you haven't telled me what I need to do to get this moving.

 

After a few days, they remind me that they did:

) Receiver’s Name: Mr. Nnadozie Emenyonu.(2) Address: Lagos Nigeria.(3) Amount : $ 680.USD(4) Text Question: Transfer(5) Text Answer: Yes(6) (MTCN): CONTROL NUMBER....................... 

Alrighty then...I'll get on this.  

Now we start the back 'n forth over the Western Union, where I tell them I sent it, and they demand proof that I sent it by either (a) emailing them a copy of the receipt or (b) sending them the MTCN.  Meantime, I'm playing the role of "never used Western Union before...can't you just go pick up the money?".  Which aggravates them to no end as these next three emails from them demonstrate:

 

  SEND US THE PAYMENT SLIP YOU WERE ISSUED AT THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE FOR PROPER CONFIRMATION AND DOCUMENTATION BECAUSE AS FAR AS WE ARE CONCERNED YOU DID NOT MAKE ANY PAYMENT AND YOU HAVE NO PROOF.  THEREFORE, WE URGE YOU TO GO AND MAKE THE PAYMENT IMMEDIATELY OR IF TRULY YOU HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT, SEND US A SCANNED COPY OF THE PAYMENT SLIP ISSUED TO YOU AT THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OFFICE.  WE BELIEVE YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT. 


WE STRONGLY BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T SEND ANY MONEY TO ANYONE, YOU ARE JUST PLAYING AROUND.  IF YOU KNOW YOU TRULY SENT THE MONEY, SHOW US PROOF.  SEND US  SCANNED COPY OF THE PAYMENT SLIP ISSUED TO YOU AT THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE WHERE YOU MADE THE PAYMENT. IT'S THAT SIMPLE.

SEND US THE PAYMENT SLIP NOW OR WE SHALL SEND YOU A DISCLAIMER FORM. 


GO BACK TO WHERE YOU MADE THE PAYMENT AND ASK THEM TO GIVE YOU A
DUPLICATE COPY OF THE PAYMENT SLIP AND SEND US DETAILS OF PAYMENT.

I can do that?  Even after I sent you the money, I can go back and get my money back?  How does that work? 


YOU ARE MAKING THIS HARD.  ARE YOU REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT GETTING YOUR WHININGS?  EITHER SEND US THE PAYMENT AS ORDERED OR WE WILL SEND YOU A DISCLAIMER FORM!


What does a "disclaimer" form mean exactly?


YOU ARE NOT SINCERE.  WE HAVE NOT TIME FOR JOKINGS.  WE ARE SERIOUS BANK YOU KNOW?


I didn't know that.  I didn't know they had serious banks in Africa.  

YES WE ARE SERIOUS BANK.  GO BACK AND GET YOUR MONEY FROM WESTERN UNION.  YOU CAN DO THAT. SO DO THAT IMMEDIATELY AND GET BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY 


Okay, I am immediately doing this.  I'll get immediately back to you when I'm done immediating. 
 

And after a few minutes to allow immediating to have done it's thang: 


I have completed my immediation and have my money back.  Thank you for telling me I can do that.  Now, what do we do? 
 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE RECEIPT TO SEND TO US.  


Geeze Louise, I only did what you telled me to do.  So..what do we do now? 


They sulked over it some before responding:


LISTEN CAREFUL THIS TIME:  GO TO MONEY GRAM.  SEND MONEY EXACTLY AS THIS SAYS:  Receiver’s Name: Mr. Nnadozie Emenyonu.(2) Address: Lagos Nigeria.(3) Amount : $ 680.USD(4) Text Question: Transfer(5) Text Answer: Yes(6) (MTCN): CONTROL NUMBER.......................  THEN CONTACT US WITH MTCN SO WE CAN GET THIS DONE. 


Who is Monkey Gram?


MONEY GRAM!!!  DONT BE STUPID!!!


I'm not stupid!!!  Who is Monkey Gram???  It is fair question!!! 


Fair question or not, Arthur Murray and his Waltzing Bank for Africans have decided that after having missed clues about my seriousness a number of times, they finally NOW realize that they aren't going to get any money h'yar.

It might have been better if they'd let the desk run the scam...