Don't he wish he could.
Back in March, I got one of those typical email scams from a typical-sounding scammer by the name of Abder-Raouf Chaabouni.
Early on, he wasn't the sharpest pencil in the desk.
Nor did he improve with time.
It allowed me a month of mirth with a moron.
And here's pretty much how it was going along, starting with a little prelim:
In mid March I
received an email from a character calling himself Abder-Raouf
Chaabouni, an adherent of the religion that goes BOOM
you irritate them, and with a typical line of online scam crapazoid
that when it got down to the rat killing, went something like this
So I writ him back
at (EMAIL) and it bounced....*rimshot*...I responded with a simple
“you have my attention and I want it back”.
Obviously he only
noted that I replied as so many of them do. We begin:
All I ask is permit me register the consignment in
your name as family treasure and you are expected to
retrieve it once it's in Europe. There will be no risk
in this deal; I have made the necessary arrangement for
the safe delivery of the box to your referred location.
I will assume you are capable of handling a deal of this
magnitude and also trust you to maintain absolute
secrecy and confidentiality to protect this great
achievement. In less than 4 days the box should be in
your possession if you are swift on your part .Beware, I
have taken precautionary measures to secure the money.
The box is coded with high security gadget and I am the
only one that has the right combination to unlock it.
You will be entitled to 20% of the total sum of
$17,500,000 while 80% will be mine. I will give you 20%
of the money and 80% for me. I believe this is a fair
deal. Write me back at (EMAIL) for more details
How are you doing
today? I hope you had a wonderful weekend rest as always. To update
you, I have told you before that, everything will be a profitable
business proposal which I believe will benefit us after completion
like I stated in my previous correspondence mail.I contacted you
believing you might be capable of handling this business transaction
with me financially.
I want you to
understand that, it is against our religion to betray others because
karma will surely be proven. I swear with my life and that, of my
family that, I have no intention to deceive you but all I want is
for both of us to benefit from this transaction and provide a better
living for our love ones.
I want every of my dealings with you to be carried out
legally,genuinely and transparent. I needed your assistance
financially that, is why I contacted you so don't assume wrongly
about my person.
Looking forward to
hearing from you and to establish a joint cooperation with long term
credible business relation.
religion...it seems to advocate suicide bombers. Strange
religion, y'know? Anyway, hope the business goes better.
I don't want to
seek for another partner due to the confidence i have
for you.I will really appreciate if you employing more
effort and support toward this transaction because the
hope the struggle and the hard work towards a goal
success is part of the rewards achieving goal itself
is not the whole reward best wishes.
I want you to also
understand that, its not being together in same
country that determines the closeness of honest
friends but the mutual desire to communicate
constantly that bonds us together.The only obstacle to
this deal is the due payment which you have to remit
to my lawyer so that, she can arrange the paper work
needed in this project. You can be rest assured that,
this payment will be the only and final payment you
have to send for any reason.
I expect you to
resolve this with a kind heart accordingly.
Receive my Hug.
Mr Abder-Raouf Chaabouni
your lady lawyer hot looking? If so, tell her I
will partner up with her any night.
I have been out of town and i
came back just yesterday. To answer to your request,my lawyer advise
you should remit the payment with details of his senior colleagues
as to avoid any suspicious or complications of whatsoever in the
future because we must not keep any form of trace in this well
I believe the reason for this is
not far fetch and I advise you to proceed with the western union OR
money gram payment with the details information as follows so that,
my lawyer can begin with the necessary paper work document on your
Receiver Name: Mr Patel Pankaj
Receiver address: 2-5 Warwick
Court London WC1R 5DJ
Attached with this email is the
passport copy of the receiver just in case it is required by the
western union agent.I hope you understand and you will send me the
receipt of the western union OR money gram payment today so that, I
can forward it for the retention of my lawyer.
I wish you and your family a
I will attend to this later in the week. Very busy at
I have told you exactly what is required to get this transaction
to the final stage and I wonder why you still drag your feet towards
the achievement which will be of great benefit to you and my
family.My lawyer is demanding for 4000 USD and I am requesting just
a meager charges of 600 GBP to prove your sign of commitment but you
still assume wrongly about my personality. It will be a bad lost on
my end if you decide to elope with the total funds after the
successful completion of this great transaction.
I am very confident with all I have related to you and I believe
mutual working relationship will be established between us in the
future only if decide to take this risk with me.
I will be waiting to acknowledge your concern and seriousness in
my feet. Even $600 is a chore to put together. I should
have it by the end of the week. I'll let you know.
Let me make sure I have it:
I am in receipt of your email and content well noted.
To update you, I
advise you to proceed with the transfer via western
union OR money gram payment with the details
information as follows.
Receiver Name: Mr
Patel Pankaj Purshottam
2-5 Warwick Court London WC1R 5DJ
I hope you
understand and you will send me the receipt of the
western union OR money gram payment for my record and
Name: Pastel Pankaj Pushbottom
Address: 2-5 Warwick Court London WC1R 5DJ
will appreciate your optimistic response in regards to the due
payment so that, we can resolve this with a kind heart
accordingly. Receive my Hug.
can dispense with the hug sh**; beyond that, I am to
be sure, very much so optimistic. So shall it
And one hour later...
it is done. Payment is enroute to you.
And now is when the fun
I therefore look forward to acknowledge the receipt of your
western union payment for confirmation. Receive my hug brother.
I tell you about that hug sh**? As for sending the
money, I didn't use Western Union. It's coming
differently, but addressed as you indicated.
Did you use money gram service which I believe is
cheaper means to send money abroad. Let me know
I didn't use MoneyGram, and I didn't send money to any
broad. I sent money as indicated to the person
in London you directed. Sent it via UPS
International. Should arrive via air and ground
delivery by Thursday, I reckon.
You must be a sick person if you didn't follow my instructions.
felt better in my life I'll have you know. I sent it to you via a
most reliable and dependable means, Abner. Granted, your addressing
was a bit awkward, but everyone in the civilized world knows which
country London is in, so I am sure of correct delivery, because UPS
does things right. Below is what you sent me and what I used
I don't get you, Abner. I sent the money exactly as it was
addressed, and to the person you asked that it be addressed to.
Explain your displeasure.
Name: Pastel Pankaj Pushbottom
Address: 2-5 Warwick Court London WC1R 5DJ
I didn't ask you to ship the money. I gave you my wording to send
the payment via western union or money gram. If you have sense you
should know that, it is not possible to ship money via ups delivery.
what do i have to explain to you. I advise you send
the money via western union OR money Gram service. I
hope this is understood.
as was just explained to YOU, I have shipped it to the
person and the address you gave me to ship it to.
It is on its way. I cannot stop it now.
You'll have it by Thursday. Unless you don't
trust the person you asked me to ship it to? If
that's the case, why did you list that person instead
of yourself? Explain please.
Please be humble and stop deceiving yourself because you didn't
ship any money. that is the truth.
the f**k is the going on inside that turbaned head of
yours, Abner? Go back and read our
correspondence. The money is sent. It is
sent to the person and address that YOU TOLD ME TO
SEND IT TO. Because I chose to ship it rather
than wire it you seem to want to get your panties in a
bunch over. And then you have the Third World
nerve to suggest I didn't send it? You're going
to be all kinds of apologetic, bud, when that package
arrives on Thursday. If you're lucky, I might be
of a mind to forgive you this abject drivel you're
sending me. Are all of you of this peculiar
religion of yours this asshatted? Let's
remember: you contacted ME and asked for MY
help. I gave it and did so to the person and
address you asked it to go to. If that isn't
where it was meant to go, you shouldn't have given me
that address or person. Are you clear now?
LOL...I couldn't insult him enough to
have him give up just yet:
I apologies for my rude update but i advise you to
send the payment via western union OR money gram. This
was my instructions but you assumed wrongly about me.
Please you better do what is right as supposed. I am necessary
that I say this to you. I know people.
And just what does THAT mean, Abner? So you know people. I'll bet you know goats, camels, sheep and flushing toilets. Well okay, probably not the last. Guess what, Abster? I know people too! No goats, camels or sheep, though. But I hold the trump card, because I HAVE a flushing toilet. So now that we've settled that we both know people etc, what is your point?
it is I assume right or wrongly about you is yet to be
determined, bud. I'm an easy forgiver at times,
but you have given me reason to regret having entered
this deal with you. However, since the
money is on its way there's nothing for me to do but
see this deal through with you. You just make it
a point to carry out your part of the deal and pick up
that money at the address I sent it to when it
arrives. Carry out your part of the deal and
that is how you may show your genuine apology to me.
First he apologizes, THEN he issues what I choose to take as a
You are assuming me wrongly. Allah
expect you to stick to agreement. This is way.
Leave the third party idiots out of this. I didn't make an agreement with Allan. Who the f**k is Allan? This is between you
And that was apparently more than
Abder-Raouf Chaabouni could take; he refused further repartee with my
character. He must be counting on those 72 virgin goats in his