Wednesday, May 7, 2014

The Joy Of Not Reading Well

One of my scammers -- Ms 'Sister' Joy Emma -- isn't terribly attentive.

My pet rock, Seymour, dealt with her in another account with an edit sure to make most 'sisters' sorta blush.

So it was my turn, in this account.

As a reminder, here's the opening part of her worn-out gambit I've seen probably a hundred times now in the past ten years:

Dearest in Christ,
>
> I am Sister Joy Emma.. from KUWAIT, I am married to Chief kamson Emma. He
> worked with KUWAIT embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in
> the year 2006 April 26. We were married for eleven years without a child. He
> died after a brief illness that lasted for only four
> days. When my late Husband was alive he deposited the sum of $15,000,000.00
> (Fiften million U.S. Dollars)in a Bank on my name as beneficiary of the fund
> here in Abidjan. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the
> next Eight months due to cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my
> stroke sickness.  


More often than not, the scammer -- or their handlers -- read a reply and decide then and there that they've drilled a 'dry hole'.  Sometimes, they keep drilling, hoping for something out of nothing.

Here's the 'dry hole' reply I sent back to the (not so) good Sister:


 Are you dead yet?  I hear those cancerous crotch crickets eat genitals at a rate of one-half-a-genital a day.  

Even Seymour was blushing at that reply.

"Was NOT!!!"

However, it didn't seem to bother too much the 'Sister':


I thank you so much for all you said but can you please let me tell you who i am because evil one have made us not to believe again but we must so that we can have what we need.

Coming for the money,this is my late husband money before his dead and also my condition here is very bad that is why i ask for your help if you know that yiou asist me just open up for me.

I will like you to from you let me tell you that i write you for the help of a sister here in the hospital that help me so before you reply this mail try and think about it very well.

Thanks and have a good day.
Mrs Sister Joy Emma 



Apparently the 'Sister' thinks I can be steered back to the path of God-fearing gullibility.  *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*  But I worded it in such a way to leave the point ambiguous, sorta:


I am gratified for your thanks for all that I said, not that it was much in a text-count kind of way.  It was a simple question.  But I digress.  Actually, I do believe I do know who you are and where the evil lies in the hearts of cancerous crotch crickets.  Therein was born and hatched the genesis of my reply.  Being a sister, I reckon you see what I just did there?
If I understood your closing question well -- "I will like you to from you let me tell you that i write you for the help of a sister here in the hospital that help me so before you reply this mail try and think about it very well" -- I think it is well that you grasp that I do understand well that which you seek and the underlining basis for that which you seeketh.  I hope this clarifies things betwixt us. 
 
 
For the moment, it didn't appear to clarify anything for the deteriorating Sister Of The Church of Hockey Puck:
 
 
I have read well all that you say and please My Dear I dont understood your mail for me to contact you is to talk about how to get this money transfer to your account if you know that you can not do that please do let me know.
Thanks and have a nice day. 

 

Understandance isn't necessarily requisite to achievance of your stated goals, Sister.  But to answer your generally specific question, yes I am able of receivance of that which you wish to sendeth.    Awaiting your disgust with modalities to begin that achievance.  In doing that which Him guideth, all things are possumbull, particularly herein.   I await your next. 
 

That reply drew what passes for a *face palm* from Seymour; but more of a hail mary from da Sistah:
 
 
 THANK AND GOD BLESS YOU  


Of course He does.  No thanks necessary.  I live but to serve. 


SEND ME THOSE YOUR INFORMATIONS SO THAT WE CAN START 



And which those my informations is it you needs to starts?  


Your Full Name................................
Address..........................................
Nationality..........................................
Age.....................................................
Sex.....................................................
Occupation..........................................
Tel & Fax No........................................
Mobile...................................................
A copy of your int'l passport or ID card............
  


So what the horsefeathers...I had my character fill it out:
 
 
Your Full Name:  Same as my empty name...Ben Dover
Address:  No, I wear pants
Nationality:  Yes, I have one
Age:  Physical or mental?  It's an important distinction
Sex:  Whenever I can
Occupation:  With whenever I can have sex
Tel & Fax No:  Tel yes, fax no
Mobile:  Except when I'm sitting
A copy of your int'l passport or ID card:  is this an either/or?
 
 
IS ARE YOU HAVING JEST WITH ME?  THIS IS MOST SERIOUS MATTER PLEASE. 
 
 
Is are your grammar and spell check working?  This too is most serious matter.  
 
 
I AM NOT UNDERSAND YOU.  WHAT IS GOING ON PLEASE?  
 
 
I am not understand what you do not understand.  Your question is very broad-based and I'm sure you don't see what I just did there, but more off the point, what was it that you meant about "going on"?  Life?  Evolution?  Weather?  Another season of American Idol?  
Can you narrow your question to a specific topic
 
 
THIS TOO SERIOUS TO MAKE JEST OF PLEASE.  ARE YOU MAKE HABIT OF JEST A DYING SISTER? 
 
 
Not to be too disrespectful, but with you being the sister, aren't you the one with the habit?  Just saying.  Or do you wear that just to entice penguins in close for sex?  
 
 
And that was about all Sister Joy Emma could take in jest from Ben Dover.  Pity, too:  I hadn't yet gotten into the implications of the character's name...

Labels: , ,

2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Oh Lord. I can see why Seymour was blushing with this one.

The sister is not very bright at all. Perhaps we can blame that on the English language. Naw...she's just not bright.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

07 May, 2014 09:14  
Blogger Right Truth said...

Sister Joy Emma doesn't sound like the name of someone from Kuwait, but who am I to judge names. She did not seem very happy with you.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepadcom

08 May, 2014 08:22  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home