Not Soonererest

What good is a government shutdown widdout a little fun had widdit?

And a scam email gave me the perfect opportunity.

Another one of those UN scam commissions is contacting my email address (under gawd knows what name that they have it as) to compensate me for being a scam victim of four African countries whose primary exports these days seem to be email scams.

Here's the ploy:


Attention: Beneficiary,

The United Nation Compensation Commission with its Domiciliary Office in Nigeria and its other outlets in Benin Republic, Ghana and Burkina Faso received a report of scam against you. The countries of Nigeria, Benin Republic, Burkina Faso and Ghana have recompense you following United Nation World Re-compensation Commission (U.N.W.R.C) held with the four countries Government and various countries High Commission for the fraudulent activities carried out by the four countries Citizens. Your name was among those scammed as listed by the Nigeria Financial Intelligent Unit (NFIU). Compensation has been issued out in a Visa Gold to all the affected victims and has already been in distribution to all the bearers. Your Visa Gold was among those that were reported undelivered. We wish to advise you to see to the instructions of the Committee to make sure you receive your Visa Gold immediately.

In light of the aforementioned please provide the following information to enable us confirm your information for payment.

Your Full Name: (No Abbreviation Please)
Current Residential Address:
Previous Home Address if any:
Direct Contact Telephone Number:
Fax:
Driver License or Passport:
ID No:

Yours Sincerely,
Susan Kingham (Mrs.)
Payment Coordinator
West Africa Payment Officer
Tel: +1-707-370-5193 


Eh...an edit was called for, and what with the perfect backdrop of current events to use thereas, I found myself waxing typically me in the edit:

Attention:

The United Nation Constipation Commission with its Domiciliary Office in Nigeria and its other outlets in Benin Republic, Ghana and Burkina Faso received a report of scam against you by your potus Barrycades Hussein Soetero, and his ragweed chia pet Harry Reid. The countries of Nigeria, Benin Republic, Burkina Faso and Ghana have be horrorfried by what is that they are do to you, in so far as we didn't not think to does it firster than they did. 

 

So munch so, that following United Nation World Re-constipation Commission (U.N.W.R.C) held with the four countries Government and various countries High Commission for the fraudulent activities carried out by the US potus and his douche nozzle allied butt polyps, we decided to send you this afore it too late for you to have any moneys left.

 

Your name was among those scammed as listed by the Nigeria Financial Intelligent Unit (NFIU) which consist of two cows, three monkeys that looks like Hillary, Debbie Wassathat-Schlitz and Bela botox Pelosi, and a door knob.  We are stilled not surety what the door knob knows, but hope it turns out well.

 

We thinks maybes you seed what we just do-ed theres?

 

Constipation has been issued out in the form of small amounts of plasterd of paris prostituted in your coffee instead of your coffee's mate.  Yours supply was among those that were reported undelivered. We wish to advise you to see to the instructions of the Committee to make sure you receive your plasterd of paris soonest if not soonerer. 

 

 

 In light of the aforementioned please provide the following information to enable us confirm your information for posting on every fly-infested internet café hereabouts.

Your Full Name: (No Abbreviation, approbation, consternation, masturbation or other words we has to looks up Please)
Current Residential Address:
Previous Home Address if any (we likes to know if we had speaks with you in another formats):
Direct Contact Telephone Number:
Fax:
Driver License or Passport photo of Barney the purple dinosaur chasing scientists at Jurassuck Park, currently closed-ed due to government shitdown:
ID Yes or No or Maybe or Not if you want to vote in Crimecago:

Yours Insincerely but working on it badly,
Susan Kingham (Mrs.)
Constipation Coordinator
West Africa Constipation Dytribution Ocfficer
Tel: +1-707-370-5193
U. N. C. C Regional office office <customerservice02@dgoh.org>

 

DISCLAMMER:  pleased to be it knowd that if you has receipted this communication in air or otherwises, what matter does it makes?  Nothing herein guarantees you to find intelligent life forms at Washington DC DNC orifices, or in the pmsnbc lowerarchy.  You mights check at Hooters. At leasts those boobs donut pass laws. 

 

 

I don't know if the UNers -- likely Nigerians or furloughed democrap staffers masquerading as same -- got the point of the edit.

 

But it does appear that they got the point that I wasn't going to be cooperating with them...