Scam Ambassador Transcripts -- Seeing Is "Duh!"ing

I know that my exchanges with "Ambassador Terrence McCulley" -- the US ambassador to Nigeria -- really weren't conducted with the authentic ambassador.

At least, I think I hope not.

But this series of email exchanges is a rather typical case-in-point about what happens when you get a scammer with a Third World or Washington, DC public school education, off of their talking point template.  For instance, I will recap the opening paragraph of the scammer's opening gambit:


My name is Terence Patrick McCulley, the new United States Ambassador to the Federal Republic of Nigeria. The United States Senate had confirmed my nomination on August 5 2010 after being nominated for this position by U.S. President Barack Obama on June 28, 2010. My credentials as the new Ambassador appointed were presented to His Excellency President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan at the Presidential Villa in Abuja, Nigeria, on November 2, 2010. I am a career member of the senior Foreign Service with the rank of Minister-Counselor whose diplomatic career has been spent mostly in Africa or working on African issues.


Now, as you follow the exchanges that took place between my character -- Ben Dover -- and "the ambassador", you will note a serious degradation in his grasp of the English language.  Spent too long on social engineering in his DC public skool, I reckon.  As usual, all the "ambassador" emails will be in bold, and "Ben" will respond in italics:

What an honor, Mr. Ambassador!  And I am pleased -- albeit surprised -- to receive this news from you.   Please address the courier package thus:

Mr. Ben Dover

(Bogus Street Address)

Central City, CO 80427

Thank you! 

Respectfully, 

Ben Dover

United States Consulate General Lagos
2 Walter Carrington Crescent
Victoria Island, LagosNigeria.

ATTENTION: Mr. Ben Dover

THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR MAIL AND ALSO TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE OUR INSTRUCTION IF YOU WANT YOUR MONEY SENT TO AS STATED IN OUR PREVIOUS MAIL BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN HAVE YOUR AWAITED FUND CLAIM.   

(it goes on to ask for additional information which I provide as follows):



Your Full name:       Ben U. OverYour country and city:     USA  Central City
Your home address:        (Bogus) Street, Central City CO  80427Your private phone number:   303-582-****
Your age:  45sex:   whenever I canoccupation:   professional poultry inseminatorDriver'S License:  yes I have oneState ID:  see previous answerPassport:  091164377Other government-issued photo ID:  N/A


And the email finishes off with instructions on how I wire the required $150 fund to hisself:

Mr Ben .U Over

THANKS FOR YOU EMAIL MR BEN   YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR DELIVERY OF YOUR FUNDS  WHICH IS  $150 AS SOON AS IT IS DON YOU WILL GET YOUR FUNDS YOU ARE TO SEND THE FEES THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER

Receivers NAME: .................. OBINNA AUGUAINE OFILI  
ADDRESS:................ LAGOS-NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION:................. IN GOD
ANSWER:................... WE TRUST
AMOUNT: ....................$150
Senders Name: ....................?
Senders Address: ...............?


HERE IS MY DIRECT CELL PHONE NUMBER FOR YOU TO CALL URGENTLY +234-8122607899.



Funny, but in checking the official US Embassy in Nigeria website, the phone numbers don't match.  Oh well...thought I was actually gonna get to talk to hisself.  Eh.


So, my response:

Your instructions received and understood.  I will visit a Western Union on Monday, April 29, and attend to it.

Ben Dover

From here, the 'ambassador' tends to show flaws in his communication skills:


Thanks mr ben your all the information we you? And why is your phone number not going. I try to call you on phone but going okay you have my number we you so you can call me by monday after send the feel okay . Thanks

Sent from WESTERN UNION OUTLET

The number I gave you is my home number, and I am at work.  I will either call or email you when I send the Western Union fee on Monday. 

Ben

It okay I wait to hear from you by monday. Thanks have a good weekend

Sent from WESTERN UNION OUTLET

I will be in touch with you by no later than Monday afternoon, without fail. 

Ben

Then comes Sunday afternoon, and I decide to start screwing with him early:

Good news, Ambassador:  I was able to attend to this a day early.  The Western Union fee of $150 has been sent as instructed.  I will look in tomorrow to hear from you when I can expect my delivery.

BTW, for a US ambassador, you sure do type funny.  Guess it's all that work overseas. 

Ben

I wouldn't be 'available' to respond to anything the 'ambassador' sent until Monday afternoon, and boy was he ever chatty:

Mr Ben how are you today thanks for your email. All you need to do is to send me the MTCN number from the western union now. As soon as we pick up the money I will get back to you on how you can get your funds okay. Thanks again am waiting for your email we the MTCN number . Thanks
Terence P. McCulley.

Sent from WESTERN UNION OUTLET

And then came this...

Mr Ben how are you today thanks for your email. All you need to do is to send me the MTCN number from the western union now. As soon as we pick up the money I will get back to you on how you can get your funds okay. Thanks again am waiting for your email we the MTCN number .
 Thanks
Terence P. McCulle

Heh...now he can't spell his own name.  Then comes this:

Mr Ben can you send me the MTCN NUMBER. From the western union . Thanks

US AMBASSADOR TERENCE P. McCULLEY.

Finally, the 'ambassador' garners a response from Ben:

Dear Mr. Ambassador, 

Yes, I can.  I'll get right on that. 

Ben

That response is not what the 'ambassador' is looking for, since his reply is all caps:

MR BEN  THANKS  FOR YOUR  EMAIL,  I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THE MTCN NUMBER? SO IF YOU HAVE SENT THE FEE OF $150. ALL YOU NEED IS TO SEND  US THE MTCN NUMBER .  PLEASE IT TO HURRY.

Yes, I did send you the fee and yes, I will send you the MTCN as soon as I find it. 

Ben

MR BEN HAVE YOU  SEE THE MTCN NUMBER NOW? BUT WHY IS YOUR NUMBER NOT GOING I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU NUMBER ALL THE DAY BUT NOT GOING  IS THIS NOT YOUR NUMBER ....................3035825440? YOU HAVE MY  NUMBER THEM  CALL ME  NOW.

Ambassador:  I am leaving for work now...you can't call me on my phone when I am online, because I use a dial-up connection for internet, and that number is my dial-up connection.  So sorry, but really, don't get your panties in a wad.  When I get home from work I will see what this MTCN thing is and send it to you.

WAITING TO HEAR FROM  YOU SOON. WE THE MTCN NUMBER OKAY

Sorry Mr. Ambassador...have been busy at work.  There are 10 numbers in the MTCN.  Which one do you need?

Mr how are you . Are you back from work now pleas check the MTCN number and email it to me now we have no time on our side again. So am waiting for your email now
Thanks

US AMBASSADOR TERENCE P. McCULLEY.

Dear Ambassador, I checked the number and there are, indeed, 10 digits that comprise it.  So tell me next what to do.

Ben

I have told you before now that you should send the ten digit number (mtcn control number) or better still scan the copy of the payment slip to me. If you know you can not do this then go ahead and call back your payment.

I knowd I'd piss him off sooner or later.  Now that it's sooner, let's throw some more piss on it:

Dear Ambassador: 

How would I call back my payment? 

(1)  It doesn't have a phone.

(2)  If it does, I don't know its number.

Please explain this.

As for the MTCN, I have it here.

Ben

Them send me the MTCN number now okay

US AMBASSADOR TERENCE P. McCULLEY.

I can do that...there's ten of them.  There's a 6...follered by a 9...then anudder 6...a 5...a 4...a 0...a 1..anuddah 1...anudda 7...anna 3 on the end. 

Now, how do I call back my money?  Does it have a call back number?

Ben

SEND IT THIS WAY OKAY
Receivers NAME: .................. OBINNA AUGUAINE OFILI  
ADDRESS:................ LAGOS-NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION:................. IN GOD
ANSWER:................... WE TRUST
AMOUNT: ....................$150
MTCN NUMBER
Senders Name: ....................?
Senders Address: ...............?
HERE IS MY DIRECT CELL PHONE NUMBER FOR YOU TO CALL URGENTLY +234-8122607899.

So you want it to be sended looking like this? 

Receivers NAME: .................. OBINNA AUGUAINE OFILI  
ADDRESS:................ LAGOS-NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION:................. IN GOD
ANSWER:................... WE TRUST
AMOUNT: ....................$150
MTCN NUMBER
Senders Name: ....................?
Senders Address: ...............?
Okay...I'm sending it that way.

Ben

YES

US AMBASSADOR TERENCE P. McCULLEY

That's how he want it...that's how he get it:

Good.  Here it is, just as you asked: 

Receivers NAME: .................. OBINNA AUGUAINE OFILI  
ADDRESS:................ LAGOS-NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION:................. IN GOD
ANSWER:................... WE TRUST
AMOUNT: ....................$150
MTCN NUMBER
Senders Name: ....................?
Senders Address: ...............?

Thanks for that but no mtcn number again why. Can you go back to the bank and as them for the mtcn number them email it to me okay

US AMBASSADOR TERENCE P. McCULLEY.

Ambassador:  yes, I could go to a bank and ask them about this.  But I didn't go to a bank; I went to Western Union.  Western Union wired the money for me, not a bank.  And Western Union is in all kinds of places, as I'm sure you know, having been here before going to all those foreign venues.  So, I could go to a bank...but why?  Didn't I just send you exactly what you wanted, in exactly the manner you wanted it?

Ben

This scammer is patient if he's anything; he REALLY wants this $150.  So he responds:



Okay them go back to western union and ask them to show you the mtcn number okay them send it to me now am waiting thanks

US AMBASSADOR TERENCE P. McCULLEY.

Okay, if you insist I must...but the Western Union I went to won't be open until 8am my time.  It is now 5:23am my time.  What time is it for you, Ambassador?

It is 12.30pm my time,so am waiting for your email them thanks

US AMBASSADOR TERENCE P. McCULLEY

So I wait two and a half hours, and then we start up again:

Mr. Ambassador, I went to the Western Union from whenst I sent the $150, and I told them what you told me to tell them.  And they were great:  they gave me a copy of the same receipt I already have, so now I have two.  I can mail one to you if you like.

I am at your service.

Ben

send a copy of it.to me now am waiting for the copy


Okay, what's your mailing address?  I'll get it out in the mail today.

Ben

THIS IS MY EMAIL ADDRESS ............ terencemcculley2010@gmail.com   so send me the copy of it now am waiting for that  now

I know your EMAIL address.  If you want me to send you this copy, I need your regular mail address.  I don't have a working scanner to scan it in.

I think I'm wearing him down finally:


I will advice you send it if you are serious about getting your fund.

US AMBASSADOR TERENCE P. McCULLEY.

Ambassador, I don't think I care for the tone of your email voice.  You aren't acting very ambassadory here.  I have followed your instructions in the spirit which they were intended, and now that I got you an extra copy of the receipt, you won't give me your mailing address to send it to you.  You are the one, I remind you, that contacted me with this deal; I had no clue about it before hearing from you.  You're a diplomat; start acting diplomaty and make this work.  You want the receipt copy, GIVE ME YOUR MAILING ADDRESS.

Diplomats are supposed to have great patience and aplomb, rising to difficult occasions with finesse and diplomatic rhetorical flourishes, or so I thought.  Which perhaps proves that this next is NOT from a real ambassador:


you r not serious.  you wast much my times to this.  i with you no more.


And just when I was getting to enjoy his patience at collecting a mere $150.  Oh well:

Ambassador by AMC;

I guess that, by your refusal to provide a mailing address, you really didn't need the western union receipt after all.  Bad ambassador.  Very very bad ambassador.

Of course, it did occur to me that you have never actually been THE ambassador, Terrence P. McCulley; you might have been a Nigerian pretending to BE him, since you'd probably cooked and eaten our US ambassador.  I know things are a bit backward and primitive in parts of Nigeria that way.

Let me advice you a few things, since you obviously don't want to collect the money I sent you via Western Union:  next time you purport to use the seal of the US ambassador to Nigeria, understand that generally speaking, the seal doesn't bark.

Just sayin'.

Since I never heard back from the real ambassador when this nonsense started, perhaps I'm not offbase to assume that my just-concluded Nigerian DID eat the ambassador.

Eww.