Whole Lotto Nonsense

There are OFFICIAL scammers, and there are the more freelance kind.

Far be it from me to not put an occasional spotlight on an OFFICIAL scammer, aka our potus.

But I digress.

My record continues apace; I won me another online lotto.

55 million pesos this time.  Only about 1.3 million USD.

Still...I "won".

And from a scammer who sounds like a potato chip.

But ol' Pringle Saul wouldn't recognize what it wuz I dun with his scam email, Ma.  Nor would it please him.


And here's why:


Subject: WHOLE LOTTO NONSENSE

WHOLE LOTTO NONSENSE
ADDRESS: 3RD FLOOR, 11 HANOVER STREET, HANOVER SQUARE.
LONDON W1S 1YH.
UNITED KINGDOM.
TEL: +447035908251
Winning Numbers is a whole lotto nonsense!!!!  It is to LAUGH!!!

YOUR EMAIL HAS EMERGED NOT FROM CYBERSPACE BUT FROM YO' MAMA'S ASS-SHAPED ORACLE!!!  This sounds amazingly like

christjohn252@yahoo.co.uk, y'know.  Hey, Christ John, is this YOU??? 

 

 

Anyway, we are WHOLE LOTTO NONSENSE, and we are hear to pump....YOU UP with a WHOLE LOTTO NONSENSE!!!!   Bet your cross-circuited bowel movements we are!!! 

 

 

Now we fill this email with a WHOLE LOTTO NONSENSE in the form of numbers and sh*t that means ABSOLUTELY JACK SH*T!!!  Unless, that is, you happen to know and honest-to-gawd person named Jack Sh*t, in which case he'll no doubt assure you that he knows nothing about this jack sh*t!!!

 

 

But here's a few factoids that you may find of interest the next time you play Trivial Pursuit:  did you know that 55,536,805.80 Pesos is roughly equivalent to 1,363,070.86 USD?  Did you know that you have a one-in-one-billion-email-chance of receiving an email like this that actually PAYS OFF?  And I'll bet you didn't know that this particular email.....doesn't beat the odds!!! 

 

 

Har-dee-har-har!!!  We Nigerians fronting as Brits, we is whacking great cock-ups, eh wot?

 

 

But now it's time to get serious....okay, that's bloomin' long enough, mate.

 

 

KINDLY FILL THE DETAILS BELOW:

FULL NAMES (how many ever you use legally or illegally): ADDRESS or a LEISURE SUIT: AGE AT THE TIME OF YOUR LAST CRANIAL COLOSTOMY:  OCCUPATION WHEN YOU FIRST REALIZED YOU WERE BORN A DOUCHE NOZZLE:  COUNTRY:  MOBILE:  TEL/FAX:  EMAIL: WINNING NUMBER OF FAMILY MEMBERS YOU HAVE RESULTING FROM SEX WITH SHEEP:

I have the extreme painful rectal itch honor to be named after a ruddy f**king potato chip,

Pringle Saul
EMAIL: lottopcso3@yahoo.co.uk
TEL: +447035908251 (call collect any f**king time, wanker)


None of the other recipients bothered to respond; but ol' Pringle did, and in a style that is curiously familiar:

 

 

asshole.  loose my emale.

 

 

I immediately assured him that I had:

 

 

Worry not, 'Tater Chip:  I loosed your emale to as many of your peers and colleagues as I gots.  And they be laughin' at you now.  No need to thank me.

 

 

And he apparently didn't feel any such need ;-)