There are OFFICIAL scammers, and there are the more freelance kind.
Far be it from me to not put an occasional spotlight on an OFFICIAL scammer, aka our potus.
But I digress.
My record continues apace; I won me another online lotto.
55 million pesos this time. Only about 1.3 million USD.
And from a scammer who sounds like a potato chip.
But ol' Pringle Saul wouldn't recognize what it wuz I dun with his scam email, Ma. Nor would it please him.
WHOLE LOTTO NONSENSE
ADDRESS: 3RD FLOOR, 11 HANOVER STREET, HANOVER SQUARE.
LONDON W1S 1YH.
Winning Numbers is a whole lotto nonsense!!!! It is to LAUGH!!!
email@example.com, y'know. Hey, Christ John, is this YOU???
YOUR EMAIL HAS EMERGED NOT FROM CYBERSPACE BUT FROM YO' MAMA'S ASS-SHAPED ORACLE!!! This sounds amazingly like
Anyway, we are WHOLE LOTTO NONSENSE, and we are hear to pump....YOU UP with a WHOLE LOTTO NONSENSE!!!! Bet your cross-circuited bowel movements we are!!!
Now we fill this email with a WHOLE LOTTO NONSENSE in the form of numbers and sh*t that means ABSOLUTELY JACK SH*T!!! Unless, that is, you happen to know and honest-to-gawd person named Jack Sh*t, in which case he'll no doubt assure you that he knows nothing about this jack sh*t!!!
But here's a few factoids that you may find of interest the next time you play Trivial Pursuit: did you know that 55,536,805.80 Pesos is roughly equivalent to 1,363,070.86 USD? Did you know that you have a one-in-one-billion-email-chance of receiving an email like this that actually PAYS OFF? And I'll bet you didn't know that this particular email.....doesn't beat the odds!!!
Har-dee-har-har!!! We Nigerians fronting as Brits, we is whacking great cock-ups, eh wot?
But now it's time to get serious....okay, that's bloomin' long enough, mate.
KINDLY FILL THE DETAILS BELOW:
FULL NAMES (how many ever you use legally or illegally): ADDRESS or a LEISURE SUIT: AGE AT THE TIME OF YOUR LAST CRANIAL COLOSTOMY: OCCUPATION WHEN YOU FIRST REALIZED YOU WERE BORN A DOUCHE NOZZLE: COUNTRY: MOBILE: TEL/FAX: EMAIL: WINNING NUMBER OF FAMILY MEMBERS YOU HAVE RESULTING FROM SEX WITH SHEEP:
I have the extreme painful rectal itch honor to be named after a ruddy f**king potato chip,
EMAIL: firstname.lastname@example.orgTEL: +447035908251 (call collect any f**king time, wanker)
None of the other recipients bothered to respond; but ol' Pringle did, and in a style that is curiously familiar:
asshole. loose my emale.
I immediately assured him that I had:
Worry not, 'Tater Chip: I loosed your emale to as many of your peers and colleagues as I gots. And they be laughin' at you now. No need to thank me.
And he apparently didn't feel any such need ;-)