Monday, April 8, 2013

Creamed Scam

It's a strange thing, really:  as a kid, I rather liked creamed corn.  Even creamed peas.

I drew the line at creamed beets.  Ewww.

Now, I find them adequate simply to bait email scammers.

An email that a spammer meant to swamp my primary scambaiting email box -- a scam "payment" from the UN and IMF for online scam victims, meant only to increase the number of scam victims, much like liberal policy -- was used and abused on 100+ of my scammer 'friends', most of whom won't talk to me now.

I probably scared them with the thought of being swept by a wave of...well, read it yourself:


Dear Scammed Victim:

This is to bring to your notice that I am a transspecies-gendered delegate from the United
Nations Office of Rodent Genitilia Surgically Implantations, located here in bucolic West Africa Regional area where sh*t in the jungle can make things rot off you faster than a flock of piranha in the Amazon River.

You are listed and approved for this recovery assistance as one of the scammed victims who were fed creamed corn at one time in your life, thinking that sh*t was good for you. PUH-LEEEEASE!

Have you ever closely examined the bowel movement of someone who ate creamed corn a day before? I was forced to, because I didn't want this gawddamned assignment, and my boss laid a big gnarly movement right in the middle of my desk after HE'D been conned into eating creamed corn the night before.

It was ghastly. And, as I pointed out to my boss, my desk resembles not in the slightest a toilet implement.

"It does now" was his snarky response, along with paperwork transferring me to this sh*t assignment.

My boss has never been known for tact. Bad breath and testicular pus, yes, but not for tact.

On this faithful recommendation, I want you to know that during the last U.N.meetings held at Abuja, Federal Republic of Nigeria, it was alarmed so much by the world in the meetings on the rising tide of West African incidents of creamed corn bowel movements, and it was obvious that a scam of the worst odor was in the process of being perpetrated on people clearly not prepared for it.
Most folks here abouts have no idea what a toilet is, y'see. Hence, if someone tells them my desk is one, phffffffffffft, there they drop trou and crap away.

I will be circulating a petition for a new desk soon, and hope you'll donate generously.

In odor to compensate these victims, the U.N Body is now working out deliveries of copious supplies of Imodium AD, the quantity of which will each be in accordance with the U.N.recommendations.

Due to the corruption in the Federal Republic of Nigeria, we're going to have our equally corrupt cousins in Benin handle this project, since they are only dealing with a creamed peas scam, and I don't think that that is worse than creamed corn in fecal form.

No, don't any of you smart asses drop trou and leave a sample for comparison on my desk. Asshat.

Your particulars was mentioned by one of the Syndicates who was arrested after leaving a particularly gnarly creamed corn movement on my desk, and then having the gall to pose next to it for pictures holding a sign saying "Mine!". You are hereby warned not to duplicate this.

Send Your Full Name......
Telephone number......
Your correct address........
Favorite Sex Toy......
In 100 words or less, Say if you dumped on my desk or not and why.....

Send that to Representative: Mr Kelvin Moor

Please you are advice to stop any communication with any person or Body that is currently telling you that creamed beets are good for you, and/or that my desk is the place to relieve yourself of them, so that you don't get scammed and my desk isn't rendered irretrievably toxic.

Do feel free to call me any time on my telephone number.(+2348138411021).  I don't care why, so's long as you don't fart on the phone at 2am.

Yours faithfully,
Mr Kelvin Moor

WEST AFRICA REPRESENTATIVE with the sh*tty-smelling desk Office of Rodent Genitilia Surgically Implantations

I did get back one email from scammer Christ John ( -- if you remember from a few weeks back, ol' "turn me over to his family oracle" Boy -- demanding that I stop sending says u stop sending this sh*t immediate!

My response:  that's what this email is meant to save you from, you provincial peckerhead.  BTW oracle boy, how's that family oracle that looks like yo' mama's ass workin' for ya, hmmmm?

I think I hurt his feelings.

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Blogger SueAnn Lommler said...

All I can say is Ewwwwwwwww! Gag!!
Enough said.

08 April, 2013 03:07  
Blogger Sandee said...

Who cares if you hurt his feelings. Not me. Shit is shit by the way. Bwahahahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. Seymour sends his best, but he's not looking forward to coming home. ☺

08 April, 2013 09:20  
Blogger Right Truth said...

Love the image/caption. You might get quite a few hits if you include that in the title, ha.

How about creamed greens, spinich? Looks nasty to me.

Now, if you get a response, I want to see the response to "favorite sex toy"

Right Truth

09 April, 2013 14:26  

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