Bottomer Of The Barrel

I was wrong...they can get even dumber.

In my last post, the concluding exchange was with a Jennifer Williams, allegedly dying and wanting me to "do God's work" on her behalf, with non-existent money. My reply -- not one to win me friends within N.O.W. -- received an oblivious-to-what-I-writ response (see previous post).

Being the kind, caring, compassionate sort that I ain't, I sent back what I thought might be a *fog-lifting* reply:

Apparently your brain is already dead and you're on life support, with a wildebeest farting in a tube what's keeping you breathing, 'cuz it's obvious you didn't read vewy well what I writ. If you're going to insist upon dragging down the collective IQ in Muguland to a minus 10,000, fine; otherwise, ye might wanna try reading my last response again.

Now, who knows who read my first reply; it's allegedly from a fly-infested internet cafe in Bumfornication, Ghana. But apparently, my follow-up reply was read by someone who was a bit more 'up' on their comprehension skills, if not on their composing ones.

For another email came yesterday, on behalf of Jennifer Williams, from a Dr. Samuel Okoronji (dr.samuelokoronji@yahoo.com), this directed specifically to "Moosefeddahs" (how my email ID reads on this account). Attached to it was this picture, purportedly of the dying Jennifer Williams...exCEPT...that this is the dozenth or so time I received this same photo under various names and scams, and this one was labeled as Mrs Amanda...*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*.

His photoshopping/labelling skills suck, too.

Anyway, "Dr." Okoronji sends me a meant-to-look official email as exactly replicated below:

Savanna Hospital Ltd PO Box CT 5753 Cantonments, Accra

Location: 32 Amugi Ave., Adabraka Accra, Accra, Ghana

Dear Moosefeddahs

i have just writed you because to tell you that you should be asham of what you did write to my dying client mrs jennifer williams an American citizen married to late Dr. Kofi Williams of Ghana who is suffering from cancer and at the verge of dead. why do you make jest to her in her our that need you as Gods servant to do her good works? i wish to you explain how one who fear God can be so much ungodlike to dying person.

Apologeze now you can still do gods work on her half. on the other hand if you are not interest in the humanitaran work for god or you will not carry out her instuctions when the funds arrive you, do not reply.

Dr. Samuel Okoronji

Chief Medical Doctor

Savanna Hopsital

Since the good "Dr" could apparently read better than his brain-dead client, I thought a simple, from the heart reply would git 'er done:

My inept Dr. Okonumbnuts,

Pardom moi, but if you operate as well as you compose, you haven't had a patient make it out of surgery during your entire career. Including the one you butchered above. But I digress.

An apology? Really? Seriously? You really expect -- after reading my first and second responses to your Play-doh-pus client -- that I would deign to actually write a sincere apology, and proceed with you and your bed blob giving me the business? You crack me up. Really. You should apply to The Onion for a job.

But I'll tell you what...you let me know when your client -- whomever she is, since you can't keep her name straight -- becomes compost, and I will mark the calendar for the 50th anniversary of that date. Lots of things are noted at their 50 year anniversaries, and I reckon that I can remember to think about a faux apology on that inauspicious occasion.

Look for an official apology on that date, in 2061.

Until then, f*** off . Oh...and seriously....a wildebeest anal breathing apparatus? Really?

I musta made Dr. Okonumbnuts, and his fly-infested internet cafe clan mad, 'cuz I got this in reply:

you not chistian. you go to hell.

He's right, of course: I'm not chistian. In the words of Rodney Dangerfield, "I'm notta doorknob either, eh...".

How much dumber can they go? Dare I ask that?