He Don' Bewieve I'm Serious

C'mawn...who could POSSIBLY think that when they send me an email, that I won't treat it SERIOUSLY?

The answer is forthcoming.

After a bit of a break in email scammers, I seem to have hit something of a jihad of them. This particular one isn't renowned for what he presented as his effort to give me the business, though the amount of money he offered was impressive. No, this one simply had to be played because of his name.

Yup...his name. The 'Bard once postulated "what's in a name?". My pet rock responded, "duh...letters!". Okay, so Seymour ain't quite got an appreciation for the classics grasped, even though he's older than any of them.

But, with a name like....uh...ready for this? With a name like...I am NOT making this up...Barry Camel, well...I just hadda respond to the *TOING* that rattled the dishes for several city blocks around.

What Barry Camel (bhcam@superposta.com) writ to me (and undisclosed other recipients) about was a fraudulent investment scheme with a front number of $500 Million USD. For my playing along, I would be entitled to 7% interest annual for 5 years. What it would cost me to play...would never be determined. Reason bein', will become evident shortly.

'Cuz after seeing his name -- Barry Camel??? -- I was moved to, not simply respond...I was moved to have some fun with the response. By first, messing with Barry Camel's own email header, in a manner that, if he or his handlers read my reply at all, he simply couldn't miss.

Thus, atop of my reply, the email header for Barry Camel's gambit was massaged as follows:

--- On Mon, 2/21/11, Barry Camel's New 'N Used Camel Lot Esq bhcam@superposta.com wrote:

With the seed thus sown, I responded thus:

Nuh-uh!! Really?? You're HIM??? You're BARRY CAMEL??? THE BARRY CAMEL??? No SH**??? Muddaf***ah, I've seen your TV ads! You're a hoot!! So's your camel sidekick, Yusuf!

Say...since you're the king of camels, I've got some questions, since my current flivver is gettin' up there in mileage:

- What's better: new or used?

- How do you gauge camel mileage on used models?

- One hump or two: which provides a better ride and more cargo room?

- Do your camels come with standard and extended maintenance contracts?

- You guys don't really...uh...use camels as replacements for women, do you? How do you make sure you don't buy one that's been 'ridden' the wrong way?

- Do your camels come in a variety of colors and fabric interiors?

- Do your camels have options, like cup holders?

- Do you have 'green" camels? That is to say, do you have "hybrids", like say a cross between a camel and an alpaca?

- What kind of mileage ranges do your camels get?

- Do you have SUC*, RC**, CC***and SC**** versions?

- Can I get whitewalls?

Please let me know as soon as possible! Dang! BARRY CAMEL!!! I got an email from BARRY CAMEL!!! Dang!

* Sport Utility Camel

** Recreational Camel

*** Convertible Camel

**** Sports Camel

Hey...if some of the scammers can ignore my replies for at least a little while, I reckoned I could get away with ignorning his original message. And it sorta didn't work:

what is wrong with you? what the f*** are you talking about?

In the words of Daily Planet editor Barry White..."who's yo' daddy"....oops, I meant Perry White..."Great Camel's Ghost!", Barry Camel read what I writ!

What's more, he asked what the f*** I was talkin' about. Lessee if I can 'splain it:

What? You're f***ing kidding me, right? You're BARRY CAMEL of BARRY CAMEL'S NEW 'N USED CAMEL LOT, right? I mean, it SAID SO ON YOUR EMAIL HEADER. World renowned purveyor of new and used Middle Eastern traditional transport. As I said, I've seen your TV ads. The one where you do your complete schtick, and it ends with Yusuf, your camel sidekick, mouthing "You'll Never Get A Bad Hump At Barry Camel's!!". Awesome, dude. You should get one of those on the next Super Bowl ad competition, but I digress.

To the Cloud: I am NOT f***ing kidding! I am interested in seein' if you can fix me up with a camel, to replace my aging flivver. What with the price of gas, sh**fire, something more economical would be welcome. So lay it on me: what kinda models have you got that will work for a dude like me? Any chick magnet camels? Y'know, the "midnight at the oasis, send your camel to bed" kind of action that brings out the "harem" in women? Money is almost no option! Let the dickerin' begin!

Dang...apparently, Barry Camel doesn't know the song, the action, or care to further indulge me, 'cuz I ain't payin' attention to his original gambit:

f*** you. dont write more.

Dang. Guess he told me. Of course, you knowd I wouldn't listen:

Dang, Barry Camel, that's very uncustomer service-like of you. Iffen I didn't know better, I'd swear you were affiliated with the folks that took over my former job site! But hey...iffen ya wanna ruin your stateside reputation herebouts, and blow off an opportunity to sell me a clean, low-mileage, well-maintained camel, and broaden your market share....that's your gig. Dang. Tho', I still think Yusuf's kewl. I hope he spits in your cous cous.

Another email scammer thwarted by his not taking my email reply to him seriously. What is the matter with those folks? See this? This is my serious email face...