Ruh-Roh

Sooner or later, it had to happen.

Sooner or later, you had to expect that online scammers would "get it".

Today, I received an email of devastating import and prognosticatable procreatibility*. The 'perfect storm', scam letter-wise, has arrived.

Lucy is justifiable in her expression.

It's not just that this letter is exquisitely crafted and almost 100% typo-free; it's how the bugger starts it out that is just...well...credibility-sucked-in lethal.

Read now, friends, and be afraid...be VERY afraid:

FROM: MR. ABDUL HAMZA

BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER

AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK

OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA-FASO

TELE +226 76 61 26 98

Dear Friend

(PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL)

Before I introduce myself, I wish to inform you that this letter IS NOT A HOAX MAIL AND I URGE YOU TO TREAT IS error SERIOUS.

See? We're almost in trouble with this one, right off the bat. It's as if Robert Gibbs wrote this for him. And he goes on.

I am ABDUL HAMZA the MANAGER in charge of BILL AND EXCHANGE section of AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso in West Africa. With due respect and regard I have decided to contact you on a business transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of the transaction.

If you believe in the liberal philosophy of "from those who have, to those who need through government intervention and rake-off", part of this last will be true. And he goes on.

During our investigation and auditing in this bank, my department came across a very huge sum of money belonging to a deceased person who became deceased on November 2004 in a plane crash and the fund has been dormant in his account with this Bank without any claim of the fund in our custody either from his family or relation before my discovery to this development.

Have you noticed that Africa almost has more foreigners with money in African banks that die in plane crashes, than Califorlornia has voting illegal aliens? Hard to believe, I know. And he goes on.

Although personally, I keep this information secret within myself to enable the whole plans and ideas be profitable and successful during the time of execution. The said amount was sum of $ TWENTY TWO MILLION THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS.

Okay, that's almost a *TOING* generating amount, to be sure. And he goes on.

Meanwhile all the whole arrangement to put claim over this fund as the Bonafide next of kin to the deceased get the required approval and transfer this money to a foreign account has been put in place and directives and needed information will be relayed to you as soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist me and also benefit yourself to this great business opportunity.

See? I told you that this letter was almost well-crafted, and a big problem for scam-resistant sorts like moi. And he goes on.

In fact, I could have done this deal alone but because of my position in this country as a civil servant, we are not allowed to operate a foreign account and would eventually raise an eye bow on my side (heck, if he were in Congress here, he'd think nothing of it and neither would they, but I digress and he goes on) during the time of transfer because I work in this bank. This is the actual reason why it will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims as the next of kin to the Bank and also present a foreign account where he will need the money to be re-transferred inot on his request as it may be after due verification and clarification by the correspondent branch of the bank where the whole money will be remitted from to your own designation bank account.

See how devilishly clever this dude is? Like a Pelosi bill, you'll have to sign onto it to find out what's in it. And he goes on.

I dont error want this money to go into Bank treasury as unclaimed Bill. Our Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after six years, the money will be occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.

Okay, so there's a bit of a 'whoopsie daisy' in the diction department. But you're apparently so beguiled by the rest of it -- especially the assurances at the very beginning -- that you are almost willing to forgive that wee cruciverbal gaffe. And he goes on.

I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free.

Dammit, he would have to do that, wouldn't he? And he goes on.

On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled *TOING* to 30% of the total sum as gratification.

Devious! He's playing to entitlement mentality. Oohhh, this dude's good. And 30% for gratification, too. How can he lose? And he goes on.

Please, you have been adviced error to keep top secret as I am still in service and intend to retire from service after I conclude this deal with you.

Dang...I've been contacted by Charlie Rangel? And he goes on.

I will be monitoring the whole situation here in this bank until you confirm the money in your account and ask me to come down to your country for subsequent sharing of the fund according to the percentages previously indicated and further investment, either in your country or any country you advice error us to invest in. All other necessary vital information will be sent to you when I hear from you.

Yours faithly error (like Henry the VIIIth was faithful),

Mr ABDUL HAMZA

HOME ADDRESS 288 QUEZIN FERDINAND AVENUE

OUGADOUGOU

BURKINA-FASO

Have I finally been bested? Out-maneuvered? Out-baited? Out-thunk? Have I finally met a scammer who has my number?

Find out in Ruh-Roh Part II.

* you won't find these words used in this manure in a conventional dictionary; but a Norm Crosby dictionary will have 'em, or something like 'em...