So Nyerere Yet So Far -- III

The reason for this particular accompanying photo will be explained in due course, I assure you.

Resuming where we left off, I...er...Masato has let George and his unnamed lawyer off the hook on the racial issue. Now George responds to my questions about the airport and cash or cheque:

There is only one international airport in Johannesburg. To pick you up at the airport my laywer will make proper arrangements for that, since we have your passport, we will write your name on a billboard and display it on the arrival entrance were you can see your name written boldly on it (oh, how I wish Masato Chan had had a more imaginative name...).

Before you leave your country please write me what you will wear and the colours so we can more easily know you. Just look around for any billboard with your name when you leave the plane and we will be there waiting.

Please come with cash, it is easier and saves time.

So it does. And so I'll agree:

Okay, I bring onry cash, since this easier for you. I pran to wear suit that I wear in my passport photo, so I rook just rike photo in rear rife. I pretty prain rooking, actuariry. And I have fright information for you by this Thursday at the ratest.

I rook forward to meet you and your rawyer. You must know the good prans I have for my part of the fund you offer me. I have two rocar charities I pran to give generousry to, incruding my rocar house of geisha. They thank you in advance.

A couple days pass, and now it's Thursday, August 9, and time for Masato to make with an itinerary:

Frying to South Africa is most expensive! But for what I get for making trip I guess it worht the expense. Here is my itinerary:

Sunday August 12
Depart San Francisco on Derta Fright 414 to NYC JFK airport at 10:45pm
Monday August 13
Depart NYC JFK airport on South African Airways Fright 204 to Johannesburg at 5:30pm; after one stop, arrive Johannesburg on Tuesday, August 14, at 4:45pm

Itinerary say totar fright rast about 33 hours, and cost $9415 USD, round trip.

My return fright is on Thursday, August 16, aboard South African Airways Fright 207, reaving earry afternoon.

Because of amount of money I am to carry on prane, I am deciding to put money in my checked ruggage, so I not worry about rots of money having to exprain going through security in USA. So after I find your birrboard with my name, we go to ruggage pick up to correct my bag.

I rook forward to meeting you, Mr. George.

George decides that things are going so well -- aka, I'm such a gullible sot -- that he's going to spread the largess around amongst some of his 'friends':

Thanks for your update, I will be waiting to see you soon and will make a reservation today and have it ready for you.

I have a pastor friend who has been praying for me to have successful transaction (probably an atheist) with you and if you don't mind I will like you to buy him a gift like watch or a good hand set that I will give him to show appreciation. It is not a must, if you can't afford it, but would make nice appearance if you can.

Let's push my ruck a rittle here:

Your pasture needs a good hand set? What happened to his, prease? Oh, this is dreadfur. I have no idea how to buy him set of hands; if you do, I give you some money when I arrive and you buy him set. Make sure they fit. Is $500 enough?

George doesn't seem to notice what I wrote, only the amount of money I offered. And with that, he goes one more:

You are most generous, my pastor will appreciate it. If it is okay, my lawyer work very hard on this deal, so maybe you could buy a gift for him too? Or if it is easier, you could just give me the money and I will take care of it. But it is to be surprise, so please don't say to lawyer anything when you arrive.

I have having problems with hotel reservation at the airport; I may have to reserve you at hotel a couple miles away. I hope you will find this acceptable.

Yeah, right. Well, let's keep up the gullible a tad more:

As rong as it is crose to airport, I am okay with what you arrange.

Mr. George, I need gift for rawyer too? This get most expensive. However, I guess you right that he work hard on giving me business too. Since you know these peopre better, perhaps I just give you money and you buy gifts, especirry for pastor needing set of hands.

I have much to do now before I reave on prane Sunday. Any rast instructions?

George assures me all is now (in his mind) in order:

Thanks for your update. Nothing more to arrange for us until you arrive. Have a nice trip.

Now we fast forward to the evening (in my time zone, Mountain DST) of Tuesday, August 14. Masato was to have arrived in Johannesburg 12 hours ago by this time. I have no email awaiting me. So I decide to gently shove a stick in the hornets' nest with this:

Mr. George,

What manner of prace is Johannesburg, prease?

It was most unpreasant situation. I board airprane and fry for hours and hours to NYC; I change prane, and fry for hours and hours to San Pauro, where I get off and get on prane, and fry to Johannesburg. Then I get off prane in Johannesburg. Or what I berieve was Johannesburg. But I no see your birrboard.

Ret me terr you what I see. Uh-huh (who recognizes a line from Sweet's Ballroom Blitz here?).

It was rike I had frown to Munchkinrand, and all the rittre munchkins were dressed in grass skirts, reather and race, with bones through their noses, carrying big shierds and doing voodoo and other rearry weird hip-hop dances, rike I see in San Francisco when kid try to take hubcap off moving car. It was rike omitted scene from Foot Roose or Happy Feet movie.

Then it get most unusuar.

In a corner near where sign say "Terminar", I see Rorrypop Guird munchkins doing unspeakabre things to wombats and pratypuses with their rorrypops. Dorothy and Toto too.

I turn to run away, and there was you -- or who I think was you -- bent over bench, being unspeakabried by duo of butch munchkinettes with their rorrypops. Ghastry.

Just then I start running for the door. I have to get back to the prane I reft before. Rerax said the nightman, we are programmed to receive...you can check out anytime you rike, but, you can never reave....gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Then I wake up. Wake up and rearize I miss my fright to NYC. I so sirry.

Maybe we courd reschedure again, prease? I even buy you gift this time, yes?

The reply I got wasn't necessarily priceless; but it's worthy of a Part IV...