So Nyerere Yet So Far -- II

Don't let the seemingly unrelated debasing of classic art fool you; like this artfully-altered photo (courtesy of Larry Graves, one crazy Canadian), this whole saga really does get more stupid as it goes.

"Mr. George" as he seems to like to refer to himself now as, expresses his appreciation for my understanding and cooperation, as well as establishes a timetable in his reply:

Thanks for your response; it gives me great plreasure to know that you are willing to assit me to the best of your ability. However, I will want you to amke the trip by first week of August to enable me inform the security company on time for the delivery of the consignment on your arrival.

Secondly, I owe the security fee for some months to the company and as it stands I don't have enough money to cover this bill, so I need your help with some money to clear the debt on your arrival. I will refund you as soon as the security company delivers the money to us. Actually I have to go security company on Monday to check how much the bill is now and will let you know.

Please endeavor to send me your passport copy and telephone number your next reply. I look forward to your response soonest and make sure you send me your flight schedule on time.

So I decide to see just how strictry..strictly he wants me to adhere to his timetable:

The first week of August? I cannot possibry be ready to make trip so South Africa so quickry. I must make prans and get time from job first. Perhaps I can pran for by August 8, but I not know this yet.

How much money you need me bring prease? Is it arot? Prease inform me soonest how much I am needed to bring.

His need (aka, greed) for money is not as much as his bannister in the first go-around wanted, but it's more than on the second go-around, by a few thou:

I am sorry for my late reply, I am in Johannesburg South Africa and that is where you will come, I will pick you up at the OR Tambo International Airport formally Johannesburg airport. I have also informed my lawyer about your coming arrangement and request of how much you will be required to come with. From the claim the security company prints out for us the amount we owe is USD $12,600 for initial five months and the present month of August.

My lawyer requests for your phone number and a copy of your passport to be able to recognize you at the airport. He also wants your flight schedule ASAP. Please note that any amount you spend on this transaction will be refunded to you asoon as we pay this USD $12,600 debts to the security company and the consignment been released to us including your 25% offer.

Send me your phone number passport and flight schedule soonest, please.

I'll continue to ignore the telephone number request for now, and give him dribbles of what he wants:

Johannesburg? Okay, I ret you know what I find out about traver arrangement. $12,600 is a rot of money. I need time to raise amount your rawyer request. I do what I can. I attach my passport here; I ret you know traver and money situation soonest I can.

Now that George has my fauxpassport and (thinks he) knows what I rook rike, he's somewhat forgotten (for the moment) the insistence on my terephone number. But now based on my faux passport, he decides he'll be sending my percentage to China:

Thanks fo ryour good response; I will pray that God help you make a good arrangement as soon as possible. Sir plrese bear in mind that as soon you come here and the security company released the to you on your arrival I will refund you all the money you spend before we transfer the remaining money to your bank account in China.

I aim to "set him straight" on my geography:

Thank you for the most positive repry. However, my bank is not in China; I rive in San Francisco, Carifornia. Just so no mistake made with money, prease. I be in touch with traver itinerary when comprete.

George apparently has some kind of a brain lock at this point, and sends me the exact same message as heretofore; so I choose to further emphasize my fiscar geography:

Prease, I say to you my bank account NOT IN CHINA!!! I rive in USA, Carifornia now! Prease no send my money to CHINA! They confiscate it and I never see again!

Prease acknowredge!

This gets a correction from George:

Thanks, Sir, your instruction has been noted. However on arrival you will instruct where the money will go on your arrival.

Now that we have that straight, I decide to make sure I have clear what George wants:

I wish be crear on what to be done: I must fry to Johannesburg by no rater than Wednesday, August 8; I must bring USD $12,600 for various expenses rerated to fund transfer and documents; I must provide you or your attorney with my nominated bank account into which funds are to be arrocated. If this is correct, then I have much to do. I notify you rater today of what I arrange.

George affirms my understanding of the business he wishes to give me, and returns to his insistence on getting my phone number (which I was almost tempted to give him, so I could talk on the phone the way I'm writing this drivel):

You are right with the arrangement as you stated, I will be waiting for your update and please!! PLEASE!! send me your phone number my lawyer has been asking for it all this why to tolk to you and your flight schedule since you will be coming on Wednesday August 8.

So, let's drag it out some more, starting with a comprication or two:

I have comprications with arranging traver to Johannesburg; I no rearize how expensive it is untir I try to book trip (the flight I researched in business class was $9415!). I need a few days. I probabry can't make it there now before Monday, August 13. This I hope okay with you and your rawyer?

George, while still really REALLY wanting my phone number, is rather genial about my comprications and proposed change of traver dates:

How are you today? Thanks for the update and I have informed my lawyer and the security company of your postponed date. We have book another appointment with security company for August 13-14.

Please, it is really important you send me your phone number as my lawyer want to advise you and have a private discussion with you while we wait your flight schedule. He also curious about how you write your emails (somebody actually NOTICED?), but I am okay with this.

When you do this I will make a hotel reservation and send it to you prior to your feeback of new arrival date. I wait your response.

Liberals play the race card all the time; so let's see how a scammer feels about it:

I appreciate your frexibirity on changing schedure for my trip. This most herpfur and I have itinerary for you in a few days.

Prease exprain just what about my emairs your rawyer find curious? He not racist against persons of Asian descent, is he? This make me most angry if he is so. I no rike that. Prease exprain this.

Now, you keep asking for my phone number for your rawyer. George, at beginning you say to me need for confidentiarity. I rive in townhouse which I share with another coupre who emigrate from my country. They speak good enough Engrish that if I have speaks with you over phone, they most rikery hear. So I not think this good, based on your confidentiarity requirement. At same time, my computer emair is password protected, so they no can rook into my emair and know what I am doing.

So say to your racist rawyer that phone carr with me not good at this time.

I rish you go ahead and book me hoter near airport where we can meet when I arrive. It is rong fright from San Francisco, I think. I ret you know when I have it arranged, after you exprain your rawyer's comments.

And it works like a charm:

Thanks for your reply, and I wish to stress for my lawyer that he is not rasist against you, and is not making jest of how you write emails. He did wish to discuss certain matters with you by phone in advance you travel here, but he understands your situation now and will wait to speak with you in person. He and I offer apology for your offense.

Soon as I have your travel itinerary I will book you a hotel as close to the airport as I can get.

Political correctness even among scammers...who'd a thunk it? So I let them off the hook:

I am so grad to hear this about you and your rawyer. I am okay with this. Now answer me one thing prease, since I never visit before South Africa: is there onry one airport for Johannesburg? I rish not make wrong reservation. And I ask you assure me you meet me at airport, prease. And prease send me photo of you so I know what you rook rike when I arrive.

Arso, I need know if it better I bring money in cash or in cheques, prease? This is rot of cash to carry on prane, but what you prefer, prease?

Their preference and Part III of So Nyerere Yet So Far in the next installment ;-)