Guess They (Failed To) Tell Me

With a simple change in tactics during the "git 'er dun" phase of a scambait, I seem to have drawn this very reaction depicted in the picture from two different scammers.

All because I claimed to have reverted to -- without their permission -- 20th Century technology.

In brief: when it came time for my character -- Jack N. Ewehoff -- to send 'fees' for legal services or documents to complete a 'transaction (aka, my character get taken by the scammers), my character didn't exactly follow the instructions given. That is, he didn't 'send' the fees via Western Union or Money Gram; when he acknowledged having sent them (in these two cases, not), Jack said he'd sent the fees the old fashioned way: a US bank certified check, via USPS overseas airmail.

Read carefully how that went over with a purported Director of Foreign Remittance, Bank of Africa scammer (who was trying to con me into believing I was going to receive $10.5 million US dollars, in return for my fee payment of $2350):

I RECEVE YOUR LETTER SEND TO THIS BANK. NOT THAT WE DONT UNDERSTAND CERTIFIED CHECK AIRMAIL POST, BY THE WAY DID YOU INFORM THIS BANK THAT YOU MAKING PAYMENT ON CERTIFIED CHECK AIRMAIL POST? THAT IS YOUR MISTAKE NOT OUR MISTAKE. WE DONT WANT CONFUSION IN THIS BANK. SO YOU HAVE TO RECALL BACK YOUR MONEY AND MAKE THE PAYMENT WHERE WE DIRECT YOU TO MAKE IT HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND BEFORE THIS CONFUSE PRECIOUS TRANSFER.

YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS BECAUSE YOU NOT INFORM US BEFORE YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT BUT YOU GO. AHEAD WITH YOU IDEA AND MAKE THE PYAMENT THE WAY YOU DO NOT THE WAY WE ASK. SEE YOU NOW HOW THE PROBLEM COME FROM YOU AND NOT THE BANK.

SO YOU BETTER RECALL YOUR MONEY BACK WE DONT WANT CONFUSION IN THIS BANK REGARDS TO THIS PAYMENT BECAUSE YOU DIDN NOT INFORM US BEFORE YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT THAT WAY.

THE ONLY ADVISE WE HAVE IS GO BACK AND RECALL YOUR MONEY AND TELL SERVICE DIRECTOR OF CHECK AIRMAIL POST THAT YOU MAKE MISTAKE AND YOU WANT RECALLED BACK MONEY WHICH IS VERY EASY AND YOU CANT NOT TELL ME THAT YOU CANT NOT RECALL MONEY? DO AS I INSTRUCT NOW.

My reply to that went along the lines of Why would there be confusion at the bank regarding the payment? You ARE, after all, AT THE BANK of AFRICA, are you not? At the Burkina Faso branch? The airmail is specifically addressed to YOUR ATTENTION, so there should be no confusion at all. Hell, a bicycle-riding messenger with a goat on his back, if he's literate, can find your bank and deliver the check to you. Besides, for pity's sake, you're a BANK. A bank with millions upon millions of USD in accounts of dead foreigners. How hard can it be for you to cash this little check -- certified, of course -- for $2350?

No, what we have h'yar is, failure to communicate. And in your case, failure to use creativity and innovation in the problem-solving department. Now be a good lad, and cash the bloody check when it arrives.

As I went into the weekend with that response, a reply from BOA is still pending. I don't expect it to show much in the way of good-ladded creativity and innovation. I am such a cynic.

The other thrown-for-a-loop scammer comes from an alleged courier service in Lagos, Nigeria, who instructed me to send transaction fees ($2050) with Western Union. After a day or so, I informed them that it was sent in the same manner (USPS overseas airmail, to addressee), specifically to their business address in Lagos. This went over with them even worse than with BOA:

You created a situaton out of your own doing. You are the one complicating everything. I spoke to management a whiile ago and he inform me that you have mess up the thing. This shipping company is an organisation and we have right to choose our payment option. Your option is unapproved and doesnt suit.

I wish to state you clearly that we wanted money sent via western union or moneygram and you did not seek our connset before using cheque which I tell is wrong of you. You are be very shelfish here in your action.

I think you need to let you ego out of this thing so can sort out as we may be force to send package we hold for you back to Central Bank. You should understand that your idea is not visible here and there is no way anyone can cash cheque so there is no points to argue it.

Do you expect us to start roaming about in search of bank of africa that does no exist here, or do you think only that you are priorty for our business? You must understand that they have other customers and weather they deliver the package to you or not, their business is their business.

This situation is simple, but you being arrogant complicates all. You must now do the right things to make things work better I tell you. You dont have right to tell us what payment option we accept. Even in America where you are a seller or an organisation has the right to demand his or her own payment option.

Stop this complicating issue and perform as instructed.

So, "Jack" is being very "shelfish", eh? I doubt his reply will ease any complication pangs over there:

I'm the one who's being shelfish? You people contacted ME. You people solicited ME. You people sought ME out. That makes ME the customer, not you. YOU are the one who provides the service. YOU are the one who is supposed to take the tact that "the customer is always RIGHT". YOU are the ones who should be bowing low and kissing my customer ass, that out of all the courier companies in all the fly-infested cities in Africa, YOU contacted ME and I responded favorably to YOU. Don't go get crabby with me, bub (see what I just did there? Re-read the whole paragraph if you missed it).

The airmail delivery cannot be recalled. By now, it's probably at a central hub of a major African international airport, being offloaded for shipment to Nigeria. Before I could waste the time to have it "recalled" -- which can't be done, 'cuz it isn't like UPS, FedEx or DHL -- a bicycle-riding courier, with a goat on his back, will be delivering the envelope to your street address in Lagos. And I am sure -- after all, you KNOW how things work in Nigeria's banking system -- that you have the innovation and creativity to find a way to cash a certified (with US funds) cheque. After all, your country has hundreds of millions of USD in banks all over the place. You can do it. I have faith. Faith can move mountains. Especially with dynamite and a 'dozer.

I gotta say: in this age of finger-pointing and a growing "victimization" movement, even the scammers are being affected. Whatever happened to creativity and innovation? I'm not a "complication"; I'm merely a hurdle to be cleared.

Nyuk.