Sunday, March 13, 2016

One Of North Korea's Subs Is Missing

Kim Jong Un takes a swing and a miss again, thanks to my editing pet rock, Seymour.

Seems the North Koreans have lost a submarine.

After Seymour got done with the edit, small wonder:

North Korea Says North Korean Submarine Isn't Missing.  They Just Can't Find It 
By Seymour PetRock -- WTFNS

Warshingtown (WTFNS) North Korea sank one of its own submarines this week and tried to cover it up by claiming that Liechtenstein “took it”, one and two-thirds U.S. officials familiar with the latest information told WTFNS.

A military analyst with Comedy Central had been observing the submarine operate off North Korea's east coast in six feet of water when the vessel found a 1000 foot hole and sank like a stone to the bottom of it.

A submarine contractor assigned to work on the vessel – requesting and misspelling anonmity – said that he repeatedly tried to tell the North Koreans that a screen door on the top hatch was “a bad idea”, but Kim Jong Un insisted that it would work just fine.

The contractor was unable to convince Kim Jong Un that a submarine is meant to work under water.

On Thursday, the South Korean military said that North Korea fired two test missiles that were meant as “a warning” to Seoul, but that wound up blowing up a house of prostitution in Wonsan. They were fired from North Hwanghae province, south of Pyongyang, toward the sea east of the Korean Peninsula, and “went askew” the South Korean Joint Chiefs of Staff said.

Describing the sinking of their submarine as “propaganda nonsense” the official spokesperson of KGAG was quoted as saying “we know what happened to our submarine and we expect Liechtenstein to return it from where they took it to within its borders”.

Officials in Liechtenstein – not having access to the sea – are dumbfounded by the accusations from North Korea.

“Das claimen by das North Korean government ist flieger schiesse undt das ravingks of das hundsfott” an official from Liechtenstein said, we think.

North Korea on Sunday warned it would make more submarines and KGAG reported that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un had demanded more screen doors on the top hatches of future boats.

The South Korean military spokesman said the two allies were "closely monitoring" signs of North Korean “upgrading of submarines with top screen door hatches”.

"As of now, there have been no more North Korean subs going to sea with screen door hatches, but we are planning to continuously strengthen surveillance," a South Korean Defense Ministry spokesman said.

Last week, KGAG reported that the North Korean leader said his chances to be the star in a future sequel to Team America World Police “were improving”.

"A script is ready and I have a song soro arready to go," Kim said, according to the KGAG.

While Pyongyang often issues silly statements, "this year the level of anger at not being taken seriously after losing a submarine because it had a screen door on top is much greater," says Duk Chow Ping, a former msnbc janitor and the author of "1000 Ways That Kim Jong Un Is A Doo Doo Head."

Ping told WTFNS that he was concerned if North Korea "refits all their submarines with screen door hatches, Saturday Night Live will feel obliged to do a parody, further irritating the little North Korean pudgepot."

While the US State Department is not happy with my pet rock's editing acumen, he simply points out that they can't even manage an email server.

*Badda bing*

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Blogger Sandee said...

Seymour has it right? Of course he does.

Loved the last graphic. He's that stupid too. Kim Jong Un that is. Not Seymour. Seymour is brilliant.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

13 March, 2016 09:12  

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