Mebbe Shoulda Not Left The Light On

 Inheritance funds.  Some got 'em.  Some ain't.

In Scamland, everyone purportedly has 'em.

Meh.

Here's the latest effort to get me to believe that I have 'em:

Dear Friend,

A customer of ours who died (15) years ago in Tsunami tragedy in Indonesia

leaving behind an estate/capital (US$20M) in a Bank here
where I work,till date nobody has come forward or put application for the claim.During the Bank private search for the late gentle man relatives your name and email contact was among the findings that matches the same surname as the deceased who died intestate with noWill or next of kin. To maintain the level of security required I have intentionally left out the final details.

Banking regulation/legislation demand that I notify the fiscal
authorities after a statutory time period when dormant accounts of
this type are called in by the monetary regulatory bodies if nobody
applies to claim the funds. I urge you to come forward since I can
provide you with the details needed for you to claim the
estate/capital so that I can be gratify by you ,in this way
$12,000,000.00 for you and $8,000,000.00 for me. I will do all the
crucial part in the Bank to have the claim released to you promptly.

Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning
this issue to affirm your willingness and cooperation please do so by
replying me with your Telephone Number and Your Contact Information.

I do expect your prompt response. Email: drjacksonryan@office-gov.org  or officew919@gmail.com

Thank you,

Mr Jackson Chukwuyem Ryan

Isn't that nice?

I also loved the touch that the originating email suggested that it came from someone at NBC (a Knute Walker).  I managed to email him/her/whatever it calls itself a copy of the upcoming edit.

The edit naturally had suggestions aplenty from my two 'editing gone wild' pet rocks Seymour and Element, with an occasional face palm from my deactivated Amazon Alexa.  The result was about what one would expect:

From: NEXT OF KIN <knute.walker@nbc.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 21, 2021 10:01 AM
Subject: INHERENTLY CROTCH CRICKET INFESTED

 

Dear Horrified Reader,

A customer of ours who died (one) years ago in Tsunami tragedy in
Liechtenstein attributed to COVID variant Painful Rectal Itch left behind

-- see what I might have just did there? -- in a Bank here along the 

River Phuck'nwagnall

a sum of money so miniscule that even tax

collectors aren't interested in it.

Wowzer.

To date, nobody has come forward or put application for the claim.

During the Bank primate search, I was moved to ask why we are 

searching for a primate, to which I got an unsatisfactory answer

along with an autogiraffed picture of maligNANCY Pelosi, looking

distinctly simian.

I didn't need to see that.

Then a colleague returned from using the tree behind the building 

here and found your email address etched in the bark.

I saw it as no loss to try and see if you were interested in getting involved in

something as useless as this.  In fact, I thought you might be as 

useless as the fake Fed Ex genital wart that was getting mad at me

for continuing to email him long after I humiliated him.

To maintain the level of security required I have intentionally left out 

that I have photos of you leaving a Motel 6 at 3am with an emu.

Banking regulation/legislation in Third World sh*tholes demand that 

anyone photographed leaving a Motel 6 at 3am with an emu be

reported to local authorities. I has did this.  To avoid having your

family and friends being show'd this series of pornographs of you

and your emu, I urge you to come forward and report yourself to

the Audubon Society, since I can provide them with the details 

needed to have you branded a fowl fouler, causing you a likely

dishonorable mention on an episode of South Park.

Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning
this issue until I talk to Trey and Matt about reprising you in the Chicken

Phucker role that led to Officer Barbrady learning how to read.

Please do so by replying me with the phone number of any virgin goats you happen

to have in your possession.

And be aware that I have pornographs of you doing unspeakable things to

their backsides, too.

I do expect your prompt response. 

Email: drjacksonryan@office-gov.org  or officew919@gmail.com

Thank you,

Mr Jackson Chukyuwanglebananaphuck Ryan

This was apparently much too much for the originating scammer to cope with.  Pretty much like the last gif used herein.