Careful Who You Have Words With

My pet rock Seymour noticed that 'stupider' rhymes with 'Jupiter'.

The featured face palm takes on additional significance, but I digress.

There's an increasing number of scammers that don't want to put a lot of effort into a scam template that spells it all out right up front, just to have it ignored, crap-canned or -- in my case -- frequently ridiculed.

So they stick their toe in the water by sending out the following 'temperature of the water tester' email:  "Can I have a word with you?"

Like this one from Karen Peach.  Yes...Karen Peach:

Dear 
How are you doing, I will like to have a word with you.   

Having a 'word' with me -- as the pet rocks can attest to -- is chancy at best, as I have a gift for making words up as I go.  As Peachy Poo found out:

Peachy, Karen.  What word would you like to have?

I personally am partial to 'gliverfritz'...three syllables, eleven letters, it rolls off the tongue and thus you get a lot for your word.  If you'd had a bone to pick with me, I would have been equally generous in suggesting the humerus, as it's three syllables and seven letters, thus getting you a lot for your picked bone.

But I digress.  You wanted to have a word with me.  I gave you a word.  Now it's your turn.  What word would YOU pick, and explain why after selecting.  There are points for originality, form, syntax and style.  *Jeopardy Theme Music*   

In my experience, this should have ended it.  A response like that frequently does with many a template-dependent scammer.  But sometimes...well:

Dear 
I am not how to reply to you.  What is the meaning please?

Whilst two pet rocks and one deactivated Alexa emulate Captain Picard, I seek a meaning that'll bring meaning into what otherwise is an abuse of syntax:

What through yon understanding breaks?  It is the meaning.  The meaning of my last reply.  The meaning that originated in your wish for a word with me.  A word you since received.  And in your lack of literal grasp of my reply, you seek meaning for that which you started out seeking a mere word with me.

Oh, to suffer the slings and arrows, the literary pinpricks from pricks and others so intended as to make this more onerous than it might otherwise had been if but for only a one-finger execution of the *delete* button.

But Peachy Poo, you initiated this conversation, seeking a word with me.  I provided you with a word.  You have provided me with more words that spell out your lack of understanding. Now I have responded with even more words than that I originally chose to provide as my word of choice.  Now we have what you may have sought to avoid as you were intellectually ill-prepared to go there:  a conversation.  One involving all sorts of words.

 If this was your original intention, then why the f**k didn't you say so?  So, Peachy Poo, what's your wampum you wish to spread like legs in a whore house?

It took a day, but Karen Peachy Poo finally came to a conclusion regarding the 'word' she wanted to have with me.  And actually, it turned out to be two:

Never mind

Did I just read this right?  The word you wanted to have with me turned out to be two words, "never mind"?  Never mind?  NEVER F**KING MIND (yes, that is three words)?  You sent me an email requesting to have a word, and in the end you only wanted two words, two words that stop what you thought to start?

please stop

WT flying fish F**k Peachy, that's two more words that suggest ending what you wanted originally to start.  Are you on or off, stop or go, in or out, shanker or wanker?  A need for you to make up your mind is called for.  more *Jeopardy Theme Music*

That was apparently enough for Karen Peach to forget about having a  'word' with me.  My pet rocks could have warned her...