The End...Not

 

Wiley Coyote sums up a question I could ask many a scammer, and I would likely not receive a definitive answer.

'Cuz they don't know what they're doing, either.

Which is very evident in this exchange I had with the scammer identified as Leo Nathan, soon-to-be-corpse (according to his template).

His plot develops slowly:

GET BACK TO ME  

What for?

And from there it goes down the tubes:

My dear sorry to bother you, My name is Mr Leonard Nathan am from USA but I based here in the United Kingdom,I’m in sick bed with a sickness that has defiled all medication, My doctor reports indicates that I have but only few weeks to live. I’m a very rich businessman and my properties and investment are being diverted or confiscated by business associates and friends, I have to make trade-offs. As a mission to fulfill my commitments to affect lives. I have a huge amount deposited with a Bank a valued at which I intend to distribute to charity As is a tale, I wish money can buy life now I know is not possible.Not how long it is, But how good it is, is what matters. 

I HOPE I CAN TRUST YOU. 

If you are sorry to bother me then why are you?

How are you today? Do hope that you are doing great.I have not heard from you for some days now, I hope all is well with you. I really want you to understand that am very sick in bed and it’s not easy for me to wake up from my sick bed and check my mail. I want to assure me that you will carry out my last wish.I have every reason to believe that my funds will be handled as i wish . I really don't know how to thank you for making me feel strong through your understanding and swift response ,but I know that Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light. therefore,Thank  you once again for rekindling my own light and for being there for me.

I want you to get back to me with your information so I can forward it to my bank today.

YOUR FULL NAME :

YOUR HOME ADDRESS:

YOUR PHONE NUMBER:

YOUR OCCUPATION:

I've to encourage you to be strong to have this accomplished because far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

If I had my life to live over again,I'd go out of my ways to help others as I intend doing with this fund because, My illness has really made me to understand that there is more to life than making all the money in the world. I want you to be thankful for whatever you have,but never take what you have for granted.Share with those who are less fortunate. You do not know what tomorrow brings.

I am passing through this world now. therefore Any good that I can do, or any kindness or abilities that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.

You just heard from me yesterday.  And today.  What the f**k's the matter with your sense of chronology?

Then ol' Leo forgets who it is he's writing to and he sends me this:

Hello Mr Liew

Thanks for your urgent response,I really don't know how to explain my situation to you but God knows the best.I want you to assure me that you will carry out my last wish.I have every reason to believe that my funds will be handled as i wish. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light. therefore,Thank  you once again for rekindling my own light and for being there for me.I want you to get back to me as soon as possible to enable the Bank release and transfer the funds to you. And I also want you to keep me posted to confirm that you have received the funds. I want you to also assure me that you will distribute my funds to charity. I want you to get back to me with this following information to enable me forward it to the bank today or monday.

YOUR FULL-NAME:

YOUR HOME ADDRESS:

YOUR PHONE NUMBER:

YOUR OCCUPATION:    

He follows up by sending the exact same thing, this time with my character's name.

Who the f**k is Mr Liew???

How are you and how is the family doing. Thanks for your urgent response am very sorry for the mail I send to you this morning is due to my condition am in. I  really don't know how to explain my situation to you but God knows the best.I want you to assure me that you will carry out my last wish.I have every reason to believe that my funds will be handled as i wish. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light. therefore,Thank  you once again for rekindling my own light and for being there for me.I want you to get back to me as soon as possible to enable the Bank release and transfer the funds to you. And I also want you to keep me posted to confirm that you have received the funds. I want you to also assure me that you will distribute my funds to charity. I want you to get back to me with this following information to enable me forward it to the bank today.   

And just what condition is your condition in?   

Thanks for your response I’m lying down in bed waiting for death to come and take me away.  My doctor report confirm that I have only but few weeks to live. I have Liver and intrahepatic bile duct cancer. I want you to assure me that you will help me carry out my last wish. 

Please get back to me with your information so I can forward it to my bank tomorrow morning.    

When it does come and take you away, leave a comment on if you travel toward a bright light, and whether it winds up being on the front of a runaway freight train or the night light to Hell.  This could be important.  

I want you to promise me that you will not disappoint me.

Don't you worry about that.  Disappointing is what I'm best at.

I am not clear on your last meaning?

You're not?  Are they giving you hallucinogens in that horsepital you're in? Asking for a pet rock friend of mine.

Please are you help me in my need?

You've expressed the need to be disappointed, and I am here to fulfill that need.  What more could you possibly ask for?  A nurse to perform on your atrophied winkee?  You could make that your last request, and I'm sure the horsepital would be sure that it was your last request.  Let me know how that goes for you.

And yes, while my guardian angel do be like that frequently, the exchanges with Leo Nathan came to an abrupt end on that note.  Perhaps so did he.  Or not.