Skunkfeathers: Does Anyone On Board Know How To Fly A Scam?

Mr. Edwin Victor wishes that someone had answered up to that question.

He probably wishes more that he had more closely read all the things said to him by Jack N. Ewehoff.

Meh.

Ol' Ed thought he'd get Jack to send him money so that Ol' Ed would fly into where Jack was and bring him more.

Here's how Ed planned that to work:

ATTENTION: Beneficiary,

I have a very vital information to give to you, but first I must have your trust before I review it to you because it may cost me my job, so I need somebody that I can trust for me to be able to review the secret to you.

I am Mr. Edwin Victor , Interim Head of Inspection Luggage/Baggage here at San Francisco Airport USA, During my recent withheld package routine check at the Airport Storage Vault, I discovered an abandoned shipment from a Diplomat and when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in a Metal Trunk Box weighing approximately 110kg.

The consignment was abandoned because the Contents of the consignment was not properly declared by the consignee as “MONEY” rather it was declared as personal effect to avoid interrogation and also the inability of the diplomat to pay for the United States Non-Inspection Charges which is $3,700USD. On my assumption the consignment is still left in our Storage Vault here at the San Francisco Airport till date, the details of the consignment including your name, your email address and the official documents from the United Nations office in Geneva are tagged on the Trunk box.

However, to enable me confirm if you are the actual recipient of this consignment, as the Interim Head of Luggage/Baggage Unit, I will advise you provide the below information, to enable me cross check if it corresponds with the address on the official documents tagged.

Full Name:
Current Phone Number:
Full Address:

Note that this consignment is supposed to have been returned to the United States Treasury Department OR to its country of origin as unclaimed delivery,I will not be able to receive your details on my official email account.o in order words to enable me cross check your details, I will advise you send the required details to my private email address for quick processing and response. Once I confirm you as the actual recipient of the trunk box, I can get everything concluded within 48hours upon your acceptance and proceed to your address for delivery.

Lastly, be informed that the reason I have taken it upon myself to contact you personally about this abandoned consignment is because I want us to transact this business and share the money 70% for you and 30% for me since the consignment have not yet been return to the United States Treasury Department after being abandoned by the diplomat so immediately the confirmation is made, I will go ahead and pay for the United States Non Inspection Fee of $3,700 us dollars and arrange for the box to be delivered to your doorstep Or I can bring it by myself to avoid any more trouble but you have to assure me of my 30% share.

I wait to hear from you urgently if you are still alive and I will appreciate if we can keep this deal confidential.

Please get back to me as soon as possible for further directives:

Tried, tried and tried before. And it works less well when the scammer doesn't pay close attention to how Jack is replying:

I don't trust one f**king thing that comes out of San Freakcisco Airport. F**king people there don't even know what gender they are and which bathroom to use.

I knew it was 'on' when I got this reply:

Grettings Jack,

The consignment was abandoned because the Contents of the consignment was not properly declared by the consignee as “MONEY” rather it was declared as personal effect to avoid interrogation and also the inability of the diplomat to pay for the United States Non-Inspection Charges which is $3,700USD. On my assumption the consignment is still left in our Storage Vault here at the San Francisco Airport till date, the details of the consignment including your name, your email address and the official documents from the United Nations office in Geneva are tagged on the Trunk box.

However, to enable me to confirm if you are the actual recipient of this consignment, as the Interim Head of Luggage/Baggage Unit, I will advise you to provide the below information, to enable me to cross check if it corresponds with the address on the official documents tagged.

And he goes on to repeat what he'd written previously. Here's how it dissolves further:

If you truly think that I'm going to send you $3700 USD based on your inane drivel herein, you're dumber than a toilet seat.

Greetings Jack,

Thanks for your quick response. To ensure the full protection of you
and me, I would respectfully request we maintain confidentiality. So
in order for me to negotiate with the airport vault authorities for
the release of the withheld package to you, I will go ahead and pay
for the US Non Inspection Charges of $3,700 which was the main reason the consignment was with-held by the Hartsfield San Francisco Airport here in the USA since these charges were not paid by the diplomatic agent delivering this consignment to you from the Benin Republic.

Please note that once I have been able to clear these release
requirements, I shall board the next flight to your city to deliver
these boxes to you but you have to assure me that my own share of the funds which is 30% will be given to me on my arrival, also I will
attach a copy of my passport in my next email to you for facial
recognition immediately I get to your city Airport or any venue
suitable for us to meet.

At this point, I advice you wait to hear from me once I have paid for
the Non Inspection Charges and concluded negotiations for the release of the consignment to you which could be completed later today, but which you have to assure me once again that my own share of the money will be given to me as I am taking a big risk doing this process on your behalf. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of our communication confidential. I am making use of the opportunity since I will be retiring soon without anyone knowing about it, unless you reveal it to a third party, which I would strongly advise you never to do so. Do send me a copy of any means of identification for recognition and the nearest airport close to you.

By all means; you pay the full fees. I am fine with that. The closest airport to me is Front Range Airport.

I can do that, however you'll find that I am NOT the intended recipient of the consignment, except in your scheme of things. Just so's we're clear. But you go ahead and pay that consignment fee thingee.

Alright I'll be making the Non-Inspection fee payment later today and would provide you with the receipt for confirmation.

Kindly provide the below information.

Full Name:

Current Phone Number:

Full Address:

You do that, Ed.

As we say in the West, "git 'er dun".

Hello Jack,

I have been able to secure the release of the consignment after a heated negotiation with the airport vault authorities. I have also paid for Non-Inspection fees of $3.700 which was the main reason the Diplomat abandoned the Consignment because he was unable to pay the fee but after making payment, I have been required by the custom airport authority to settle the accumulated demurrage fee of $2,150.00 Otherwise, the flight company would not board me. I am left with only $1,670 after paying for the Non-Inspection fee. This process requires me to make the payment to their paying office here before they will issue their receipt paper. This receipt serves as an evidential prove, thereby satisfying luggage as genuine and legitimate having passed San Francisco Airport satisfactory examination.

The situation is made worst, considering the fact that I do not have access to the boxes. I would have opened it and take some money to complete with $1,670 I have. It has become imperative for you to support at this point, so that, I can complete the money. What is left now is $480. Due to the exigent situation, we need to round this up fast today. Do try and send the $480 to me so that I would add to my $1,670 to complete needed $2,150. Remember that this cost is for me to pay for the accumulated demurrage fee and proceed immediately with the boxes to meet you. It is also unanticipated cost which I did not bargain for hence your understanding and assistance is highly needed. This is the only role you are to play in this delivery process. I shall leave San Francisco Airport tomorrow to meet you once I receive the $480 from you and pay for the demurrage. I hope you recognize my effort so far in this process, in ensuring a safe delivery and to guide against any unforeseen circumstance.

Do you intend to meet me at airport or do I rent a cab to your address? Let me know this quickly, importantly, we have no other alternative than to break the Trunk boxes, because I do not have access to the keys. I have also attached the receipt of payment for the non-inspection fee. I will send you a copy of my flight schedule as soon as I get the payment information to complete the release of the consignment.

...I'll bet it was a 'heated negotiation'...

Heated negotiations are more fun with a hot blonde, but I digress. Which airport are you flying into? I'll need to know that to meet you there.

I'll be flying to Front Range Airport (FTG) to meet you, do ensure to send the money through money gram transfer with the below information and email me the information as soon as possible. This is the only role you are to play in this delivery process. I shall leave San Francisco Airport tomorrow to meet you once I receive the $480 from you and pay for the demurrage. I hope you recognize my effort so far in this process, in ensuring a safe delivery and to guide against any unforeseen circumstance.

Payment Info:
Receiver Name: Kimberly Ingraham
State: NY
Text Question: Low
Text Answer: High
Amount: $480

Do you intend to meet me at the airport or do I rent a cab to your address? Let me know this quickly, importantly, we have no other alternative than to break the Trunk boxes, because I do not have access to the keys. I have also attached the receipt of payment for the non-inspection fee. I will send you a copy of my flight schedule as soon as I get the payment information to complete the release of the consignment.

Since you are flying to Front Range Airport, I will meet you there and personally hand you the $480 on your arrival. Let me know what day and time you're showing up.

I shall leave San Francisco Airport tomorrow to meet you once I receive the $480 from you and pay for the demurrage. I hope you recognize my effort so far in this process, in ensuring a safe delivery and to guide against any unforeseen circumstance.

Payment Info:
Receiver Name: Kimberly Ingraham
State: NY
Text Question: Low
Text Answer: High
Amount: $480

I am waiting for the money gram payment information from you.

Let me know what time you arrive so I can arrange to be at the airport with $480 which I'll hand over to you when we meet.

Kindly make the payment to settle the accumulated demurrage fee balance of $480, I shall leave San Francisco Airport to meet you at "Front Range Airport" once I receive the $480 from you and pay for the demurrage and i'll be sending you the demurrage payment receipt as well.

Remember that this cost is for me to pay for the accumulated demurrage fee and proceed immediately with the boxes to meet you. It is also an unanticipated cost which I did not bargain for hence your understanding and assistance is highly needed. This is the only role you are to play in this delivery process!

I hope you recognize my effort so far in this process.

I recognize that you missed our meeting date today. Tsk tsk. You best fly into Front Range Airport tomorrow, Friday, and upon meeting at the disembarkment gate you will be met by me and paid $480 in a currency worthy of your efforts.

I think you miss my point Jack. I need the money before I can fly to Front Rainge airport, not when I arrive. Please you must recognize my effort so far in this process.

I believe that I've recognized your effort from the beginning. The soonest you fly here to receive the $480, the soonerer you will achieve the ends this business was destined to achieve. And no lost luggage on this trip...you won't need any. That's quite a bonus.

What is your phone number?

I only have one phone. Does that help?

What is your phone number?

I believe I said that Doctor....I have one phone. Only one.

What number may I call you?

I have and answer to a name you nitwit...I don't answer to a number.

WHAT PLEASE IS YOUR PHONE NUMBER?

IT HASN'T CHANGED SINCE YOU LAST ASKED; I ONLY HAVE ONE PHONE. ONE.

Persistence sometimes pays, but not this time:

Are you stupid? What is the number of your phones?

You just answered your own question regarding your inattentiveness to answers to your questions, meathead. I have one f**king phone. I've only ever had one f**king phone. Why the f**k would I need more than one f**king phone? What number of f**king phones do YOU have? If it's more than one, you've f**king got too many phones. Have we resolved anything now?