Seymour 'Means' Well...Not

My ever-inquisitive pet rocks, Seymour and Element, love to peruse the scam emails over my shoulder, looking for the 'one' that tickles their respective fancies.

Not sure where and what does that with a pet rock, and not so curious as to ask.

At any rate, it wasn't the way this particular email was written that got Seymour's attention; it was the chosen name of the scammer:  Maria Mean.

The resulting *TOING* pinged off the Mars drone helicopter, causing it a premature landing.

I won't rat out Seymour on that.

At any rate, Seymour and Mrs. Mean had an interesting series of exchanges on the way to scam email *no where*:

Greetings
I know this would come to you as a surprise. i am Mrs. Mean,
a born again Christian I'm a widow I lost my
beloved husband 14th of April 2014.
Thereafter life seems to be unfair
to me, suffering from Cancer.

I wish to donate the sum of 3.6 million dollars to you for private charitable fund for the less privileged in your country since i have no child to inherit my wealth get back to me for more details. my private email.
( mean75234@gmail.com ) reply to my mail.
Warm Regards
Mean  

 

My mama told me to avoid people named 'Mean'.  PHFFFFFFFT.   

Thank you for your reply. I want to bequeath 3.6 million dollars to you, I want you to use it for a charity organization  to create a private charitable organization that is specifically for the provision of basic services, free education and health care for the poor and needy.

It has been our wish before this illness. I don't want to let the dream die with me unfulfilled. going through your mail gives me confident that the money will get to the indigent around your country thank you
so much

My health is constantly decreasing everyday, and I give my life in the hands of Almighty God to take care of me.  i know that the time for me is very little, as you have promise to handle this, get back to me immediately with your contact details full Names, Age, Occupation,
identification telephone numbers so i can forward them to my attorney for further assistance for the bank to release the funds to you before
i die.

I will love to see your picture and full contact details so I can be sure of whom I am leaving my money for before I die. I will continue to take treatment here till the day I die. I want you to assure me that you will not sit on this money when I die. Thank you and God. I have accepted Christ 
bless you and your family for your willingness to
help the poor and needy.   

Whatever do you mean?   

will you be able to help    

Since you claim to possess the means, 

it depends on my ability to adjudge the ability of your means.   

 Are you willing to assist me    

Depending on what you means; an assist is problematic.   

No if you have been involved with someone not me okay    

Whatever does Maria Mean, one is heard to ask.   

I have not found anyone yet are you willing to help    

Perhaps your means testing methods are a bit too severe.  I will keep you in mind if you fail to get a better offer.   

Are you willing to assist me in this   

Are you a broken record?  You speak as if you were vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

Please can you assist me in this I need you

Kneading bread dough helps it rise to the occasion.  If that's what you mean, I really like bread.

I dont understand you

Neither did any of my ex-wives...never marry an ear of corn, wind chime, or sand stone.  Are we digressing?

Are you make jest with me?  My situation is desperate.

Is that akin to the TV show Desperate Housewaifs?  Is that what you mean?

please tell me if you are going to help me or not?

Okay...if you are going to help me or not?  I don't know why you wanted me to tell you that, but fine, I did.  Did that help?

what   

What's on second.  Who's on first.  Is it becoming clearer now?  Are you a moron by birth or choice?  Asking for a friend.

That apparently was the last straw for Maria Mean.  Good thing she doesn't live in Kaliforlornia, where straws is evil, leftist head-popping things....