Skunkfeathers: Witch Doctory Gone Awry

Poor ol' Ibrahim Tanko Muhammed...he never see'd this coming.

Silly scammer with his silly scam started this way:

Supreme Court of Nigeria
Three-Arms Zone
P.M.B. 308. Garki Abuja
PHONE: +234-7016736950.

Dear Unpaid Beneficiary,

( SALAMU- ALAIKUM)

This is to inform you that in the course of my investigation as director of payment verification / implementation committee I came across your name as unpaid fund beneficiary in the record of the central bank of Nigeria and other banks that are suppose to get your funds released to you. My committee was set up by the payment reconciliation committee to verify and scrutinize all outstanding debts owed to our foreign beneficiaries in accordance to the information received from the United States government and other countries over unpaid huge debts owed to Foreigners.

Having seen your file and my further questions to the officials of the Central Bank of Nigeria and ministry of finance as to why your payment is still pending reveals the rot and corruption in the system. The bank officials told me that the reason why you haven't received your payment is due to your inability to pay for the required charges for transfer of funds to your account. When I asked them why they didn't deduct the said charges from your principal sum, I was given the flimsy excuse that you never authorized them to do so. When I put the question across to them if they ever advised you that such charges could be deducted from your principal fund the answer I got was no. Now, if you do not tell this beneficiary that such charges could be deducted from his or her principal fund, how will he or she know that such options are available for such beneficiaries.

From my investigation I discovered that these bank officials deliberately refused to let the charges be deducted from your principal fund because they want your fund to remain trapped in the bank, while they continue to extort money from beneficiaries under some flimsy excuse. You do not need to pay any money to any official, all you are required to do is swear to an affidavit at the federal high court of Nigeria authorizing the bank to deduct all charges from your principal fund and transfer the balance of funds after deduction to your bank account. If you have spent any money in the past in your quest for payment, kindly let me know so that I can follow this up. You can reach me on my phone or email for directive on how you can get the deduction done as soon as possible and get your payment also.

Yours sincerely,

Ibrahim Tanko Muhammad
Chief Justice of Nigeria
PHONE:+ 2347016736950

So that's what he sent me from his fly-infested internet cafe in the bowels of Nigeria.

Then my pet rock, Element -- bless his stone cold heart -- got hold of it and "doctored" it thus:

From: Ibrahim Tanko Muhammad <skwilliams11980@gmail.com>

Sent: Friday, May 1, 2020 7:16 PM
Subject: FROM THE CHIEF WITCH DOCTOR OF NIGERIA.

Supreme Witch Doctory Council of Nigeria
Three-Arms Four-Legs No-Genitals Zone
P.M.B. 308. Garki Abuja
PHONE: +234-7016736950.

Dear Incantationee,

( SALAMI- ACKPHOOEY)

This is to inform you that in the course of my many miscast-spells as director of Supreme Witch Doctory Council of Nigeria committee I came across your name as unfinished business in the record of the central bank of Nigeria and other banks that are suppose to get your organs harvested for Fast Oogabooga's Human Remains Bar and Grille. My committee was set up to verify and scrutinize all the ill-fated and unsuccessful spells cast in accordance to the information received from the World Hellth Organ-i-zationers and other Third World crapholes.

Having seen your file and my further questions to the officials of the committee as to why you're not now a donkey, goat or virgin camel, reveals the rot and corruption in our system of witch doctory. It is simply perplexing that despite our best efforts, you are not turned into something substandard. Our last success with this was with the democrap candidate for president; we turned the DNC's choice into the senile and gropey Joe Bidumb.

He actually fared better than Hellary 'Murder Hornet' Clinton did.

The officials told me that the reason why you haven't received your spell converting you into a dunny or something else is due to your inability to stand still when the spell is channeled. They say the last miss turned an articulated RTD bus into an accordian. When I asked them why they couldn't hit a moving target with their incantation, I was given the flimsy excuse that you never authorized them to do so.

Since when to we seek the approval of the incantationee before we turn them into something? When I put that question across to them if they ever sought your approval for what they wanted to do, the answer I got was no.

It was the first time in the conversation that they were sounding like bona fide witch doctors. One sorry state of affairs we have h'yar.

Thus it was that I discovered that these officials deliberately refused to operate in accordance with regulations and rules set forth in the Witch Doctor's Guide To Spellcasting For Abject Dummies because they want assurances that you aren't Bugs Bunny and won't do to them what he dun to Merlin the maladjusted Magician as some flimsy excuse.

You do not need to pay any money to any official, all you are required to do is swear to an affidavit at the federal House of Witch Doctors of Nigeria confirming that you have been turned into a donkey, goat, virgin camel or some kind of inanimate object. If you have spent any money in the past on correcting a miscast spell that kind of worked that they were not informed of, kindly let me know so that I can follow this up. You can reach me on my phone or email for directive on how we can correct this lamentable situation as soon as possible.