Bucket List To Port

And that's pretty much what we're going to delve into here:  scammer baloney.

This one starts succinct and goes Pelosi-hallucinogenic in almost no time.  My traveling pet rock, Seymour, was more than willing to indulge the ride before he went road-tripping.

Starting now:


Can two work together except they agreed?  I'm contacting you the second time about this project proposal, please get back me on my private email soon as possible for details:

Phone:  nikolafranciszek@gmail.com

WhatsApp:  +48 459 325 367

WARNING: NO FRAUD, NO SCAM, NO SWINDLES!!!  

Besides the fact that Seymour -- or any of us -- never recall having got this the first time, Seymour just rolls widdit. 

 Are you sure that this is warning-free of fraud, scams and swindles?

As is common with so many scammers, this one sez she read the reply but didn't:

Thank you for your reply that is well read.  My name is Nikola Franciszek born in Poland raised in South Africa as my parent relocated there at my early age.

 I am now 64years old and i was diagnosed with Lung Cancer on the 28th of August, 2019. Am currently in the Maria Sklodowska- Curie Memorial Cancer Centre and Institute of Oncology Warsaw, Poland, due to the unrest situation in South Africa as a result of Xenophobic attack.

 I decided to go back to my Maternal and paternal country of birth for treatment and attention.   t's possible you have heard a similar story that has no basis, but this is different, it's a true story of my situation at the moment.

 Been that am a widow and childless, am willing to donate the total sum of £19,900,000:00 in pounds equivalent ,my late husband left me and i am wishing that his legacy lives on in the many charities and good causes he supported during his lifetime."

As I lay on my sick bed, I want you to help me in carrying out my last wish on earth which will also be very profitable and beneficial to you.

 I want to donate all the total sum of

£19,900,000:00 to you to build any charity home of your choice in my name in your Country.

 Please use judiciously 50% of this fund for the foundation and the remaining 50% will be for your acceptance offer and unforeseen expenses that might arise in the course of executing this project since i won't be able to act why lying down here and not knowing when my breath will stop as stated by the doctors. So I live each day as my last. 

If you deemed your yourself capable and willing to handle this project with trust and honesty quickly contact me respond back as I will direct you on the steps to be taken to actualise this dream.

 This is a matter of urgency as I live every day as my last day on earth. Now i released why Steve Job says: -

" God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth. 

The wealth I have won in my life i cannot bring with me. What i can bring is only the memories precipitated by love. 

Thanks in anticipation

 Best Regards,  

Alrighty then...Seymour gotz hisself a live one that claims to won't be much longer:

So you're a Polish South African.  Curious mix.

That's probably why you got cancer.  Had you

been in San Crapcisco, it'd probably be worse.

Just sayin'.  

Nikola's English comprehension doesn't get any better; neither does her template.  This one is titled "Aims & Objectives":

Dearest,

    This is to let you know that i received your e-mail regarding your confirmed interest in helping me to fulfil  a life time legacy, love, passion and project , am so glad and my heart is full of joy.

     Please note that this will be of mutual benefits as am expecting that the fund will be generated according to this sole purpose of charity/ foundation in my name as stated earlier in my proposal, remember that the said fund is £19,900,000.00.

“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.

However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.

At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer …

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth …

Should be something that is more important:

Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.

God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.

The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me. What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.

Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world?

Sick bed …

You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost — Life.

When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading — Book of Healthy Life.

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends.

Treat yourself well. Cherish others.” 

Base on the above believe, i want you to please disbursed 50% of this fund into a charity in my name "NIKOLA FRANCISZEK FOUNDATION" and 50% will be for you and for any other expenses that you might incur in the process, this is the last thing i wished you could do for me, 50% for you in order to level any expense you might incurred  in the process and also to leave a fulfilled life of joy, happiness and fulfilment.

       In true acceptance please contact my family attorney for the proper grant of probate representatives, transfer and other information that you may need to know, contact him via e-mail on : shaunhamilton_chambers@qualityservice.com 

  Thanks and God bless you richly.

Mrs, NIKOLA FRANCISZEK.    

Now this is where Seymour's "editing pet rocks gone wild" partner, Element weighed in, and in a close collaboration that was nothing short of bland...("was NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFT!!!)...they fixed up ol' Nikola's email a tad:

  From: Nikola Franciszek <nikolafranciszek@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, February 13, 2020 2:28 AM
To: Jack'sJillwenoffthepillandnowshe'sallknocked up@hotmail.com
Subject: Ready AIMS & OBJECTIVES FIRE!!!

Dunny,

    This is to let you know that i received your e-mail regarding your banal interest in helping me to fulfill a bucket list item:  filming me being molested by a sock puppet that looks like Bill Clinton.

     Please note that this will be of dubious benefits to me, but YouTube has no standards and once published there it'll probably go bacterial.

And now, some random musings that will, I am sure, one day stand alongside those of William Shakeswinkee:

I reached the pinochle of success, only to find I didn't know how to shuffle cookie sheets.

However, aside from self-application of dildos, I have little joy. In the end, the dildos had spurs, a fact of life that I was not accustomed to.

At this moment, lying on the sick bed, I wonder where my healthy bed went.

In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the crash-clang-bang when I get the oxygen tube tangled up in the wheels, tripping the bastard.

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient Silly Putty press clippings in our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to sex with vacuum cleaners.

There really should be something that is more important than how toilet paper is hung.

Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, but probably not a dream of having a sexual relationship with a babe in a painting or a sculpture from younger days...all reasons I should have quit sniffing glue.

Non-stop pursuing of parked cars will only get one tail pipe imprints.

God gave us the senses to let us know that sticking our tongue on a metal pole at -10 degrees is as stupid as peeing on an electric fence.

The wealth I have won in my life doesn't compare to the one time playing Spin the Bottle when it landed on the one babe I actually wanted to kiss, and not her dog.

If you fart outside an elevator, just know it'll follow you in and be a scorching paint peeler too.

Love I've done better with in tennis.

What is the most expensive bed in the world?  Depends on how much she's charging you.

You can never get a manatee to remember how to program a DVD player.

Material things lost can be found. Tangible things lost can be found.  Something no one wants to find:  painful rectal itch.

When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that the game Operation was not as fun as Mouse Trap.

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, don't wait for the fat lady to sing; her OSHA back up alarm may fail with you in the way.

Treasure is what pirates plundered for; pilates isn't the same thing.

Treat yourself well. Polar bears won't.

Base on the above belief system, i want you to please create something called the "NIKOLA FRANCISZEK PAINFUL RECTAL ITCH RESEARCH FOUNDATION" and 50% of whatever #GOF**KMYSELF manages somehow to collect will be for paying off overdue library books from the year 1890 in Kansas.  This is just about the last thing i wished you could do for me.

 You can mark your abysmal ignorance by contacting my family atturkey for the proper grant of prostrate representatives, transfer and other information that you may need to know, contact him via e-mail on : shaunhamilton_chambers@qualityservice.com 

Spanks you very firmly, 

Mrs, NIKOLA FRANCISZEK.

Nikola lost any interest in following up with Seymour and Element after that.  Musta been overawed by the zen philosophizing...