Skunkfeathers: She Did Say "Carefull!"

The online woild is indeed a strange, wonderous...meh...more strange than wonderous place.

People like my next scammer help to make it so.

And here's how she tried:

Hello ,

My name is Mrs. Susan Walter, I live at 8763 Pelican Dr. La Grange IL 60525,United States. I am one of those who has an Inheritance/Contract in West Africa years ago and they refused to pay me my fund payment, I had paid over $70,000 USD trying to get my payment all to no avail.

Somebody directed me to travel down to Benin Republic in ECOWAS office to meet Barrister. Mat Oto with all my contract documents who is the member of CONTRACT PAYMENT COMMITTEE and LEGAL ADVISER to the ECOWAS COMMITTEE on Foreign Remittance Payment, and I contacted him and he explained everything to me on telephone and advised me to come down to Benin Republic which I did.

He said that those contacting us through emails are fake. Then he directed me to the paying bank, which is Bank Of Hope New York, USA, and I am the happiest woman on this earth because I have received my contract funds of $10,5mMillion USD. On the process of searching for my file, I saw your email on awaiting payment list in the office of Barrister Mat Oto. Though I did not capture all your information listed in your file .

Am sorry to contacting you so late as I planned doing it as soon as I arrive back to USA where I received my payment with the Bank Of Hope in New York City. I and my husband have been so busy because we are trying to set up a factory here with the money we received. So if you care, do contact Barrister Mat Oto with the information below and just explain yourself to him as I know he is honest and humble person. Alternatively mention my name to him he will attend to you quickly.

Name: Barrister Mat Oto
Email: barr.matoe1@gmail.com
FAX: + 234 330 710 8888
Address: 123,Palm Avenue Palm Grove,
Abuja Nigeria. P.O. BOX 3008

You really have to stop your dealing with those contacting you okay because they will dry you up until you have nothing to eat. The only money I paid was just $460 for ECOWAS Payment Clearance Approval which I used to receive my payment from the Bank Of Hope New York City. So you have to take note of that.

PS. If you need any of my help, do not hesitate to contact me.

Thanks,
mrs.susan walter

After all, it was titled "CAREFULL!" I guess so my character wouldn't get tripped up by aliens looking for son of Cheeseburger.

No, instead the scammer found my pet rock, Seymour, BEING that wayward son of Cheeseburger:

Subject: CAREFUL OF CRUSTACEANS BEARING GRENADES WITHOUT PINS!!!

Hello ,

My name is Mrs. Susan Walter, I live at 8763 Dysenteric Pelican Dr. La Grange IL 60525, United States. I am one of "those". Yes, I am...one of "those". Perhaps you can guess just what kind of "those" I am, or you'll need to read further. I had paid over $70,000 USD trying to resolve my becoming one of "those" all to no avail.

Somebody speaking Azerbaijani and with parking ticket warrants in Newark directed me to travel down to Benin Republic; somewhere in that Third World carpfest is an ACOWSASS office. You read that right: ACOWSASS. Don't worry, it gets stranger.

Once therein, I meet with a dubious antecedent claiming to be the third incarnation of Bannister Mat Oto Phartfignewton. He befuddled me with his title of Grand Poobah Excrementis Fecal of the CONTRACT PAYMENT COMMITTEE and freelanced-boil LEGAL ADVISER to the ACOWSASS COMMITTEE on Foreign Recompense of Chinese Bat Burgers. An hour later I was finally able to have him get to the gist of why I was there and why the police weren't. He explained everything to me and advised me to come down to Benin Republic.

Uh...DUH. I inquired as to weren't we already there? Nonplused, he did a couple face plants and had his desk stand in for him while he had his genitals removed to be staked on an army ant hill for being almost as dumb as a DNC democrap.

His desk -- apparently used to having to stand in for him -- undertook to explain to me that those contacting us through emails are fake. When I asked the desk if that included Mat Oto Phartfignewton, the desk nodded 'yes'....and then got a look of "oh sh*t house wombat f**k!", knowing that the desk had revealed something not to have been revealed until the next season's cliffhanger. Then to try to recover, the desk directed me to the paying bank, which is Bank Of Fawghorn Leghorn New York, USA. This made me happy because I was getting very uncomfortable with the desk feeling up my leg like it was Joe Bidumb and I was one of his staffers.

Getting out of ACOWSASS made me the happiest woman on this earth. Until I landed in New York and got quarantined with two dozen MS-13 illegals that the communist mayor there invited in to get stimulus payments, off which of each he'd get a kickback.

I was becoming sure that I was caught up in a South Park episode. Truly.

While I was still in Benin and having my leg felt up by the Bannister's Joe Bidumb-esque desk, I saw your email on an awaiting "contact and try to sell this sh*t" list. Though I did not capture all your information listed in your file, I am curious...do you REALLY live with two pet rocks?

Am sorry to contacting you so late as I planned doing it as soon as I arrive back to USA where I received my payment with the Bank Of Fawghorn Leghorn in New York City. I and my husband have been so busy because we are trying to set up a factory here to make the cheapest ass toilet paper imaginable, and cash in on the TP panic while the getting's good. Chinese bat virus...wish we'd thought of it first. Maybe we can cash in even better next year, with maligNANCY Iran virus that Frankenfeinstein is trying to peddle.

Anyway, if you care do contact Bannister Mat Oto Phartfignewton or his feel-copping desk using the information below and just explain yourself to him as I know he is dense as a door knob, which is why he has a horny desk doing most of his work for him. Alternatively mention my name to anyone headed to the restroom and they'll be sure to get a good seat.

Name: Bannister Mat Oto Phartfignewton
Email: barr.matoe1@gmail.com
FAX: + 234 330 710 8888
Address: 123,Palm Avenue Palm Grove,
Abuja Nigeria. P.O. BOX 3008 (pay no attention that I said Benin, and it's actually Nigeria...six one way, half dozen the other in that crappy part of the world).

You really have to stop your dealing with those contacting you okay because they are, like me, trying to dry you up until you have nothing to eat. The only money I paid was just $460 for ACOWSASS Payment Clearance Approval which, along with fifty cents and a coupon from a bodega mailer, won't get you a bottle of used water. So you have to take note of that, unless you're as stupid as a democrap voter, and that's what I'm counting on.

PS. If you need any of my help, do not hesitate to contact me and I'll refer you to that horny desk of his.

Thanks,
mrs.susan walter