Skunkfeathers: Mili-Contrary

Meet and greet with the one, the only...*snort*...Colonel Pace Kim, US Army.

Or so she sez.

Currently serving and protecting in Afghanistan as part of the United Nations peace-keeping farces.

Or so she sez.

And it gets better with her offer to give my character the business:

My Name is Col. Pace Kim; I hope all is well with you? I am a soldier working as United Nations peace keeping troop in Afghanistan, on war against terrorism. I have in my possession the sum of $2.8 million USD Which I made here in Afghanistan. I deposited this money with a Red Cross agent because of the law of UN. I want you to stand as my beneficiary to receive the fund and keep it safe because I don't trust Red Cross agent. I want you to help me and keep the money save in your account so that as soon as am through with my mission here in Afghanistan, I will come over to you for us to meet face to face and know each other. I will give you 50% of the total money for your assistance after you have received the money. Please reply back to me here via Email: colpacekim@hotmail.com if you are willing to work with me so that I can send you more information where the money is been keeps by the Red Cross Agent. Your urgent reply is highly needed. Best Regards Col. Pace Kim.

So she didn't find this money during a patrol through some cave of the winds; she "made" it.

I can just imagine how.

Of course, it was my character's pleasure to have some fun with the edit; then again, my editing gone wild pet rock Seymour was back from his Louisiana journey, and wanted ever so badly to tear into this one. So the honor went to the pet rock:

From: PACE KIM <info@houei-trading.co.jp>

Sent: Friday, April 10, 2020 10:35 PM
To: Recipients <info@houei-trading.co.jp>
Subject: Entremanurial Oppos In Afghanistan...Operators Are Standing By

Hello everybody, and welcome to another edition of Scams Abroad By One...for those of you unfamiliar with what's to foller, my name is Col. Pace Kim; I think I was supposed to be a colonel in the South Korean Army with a name like that, but as usual some six-fingered goat-smelling egg-sucking jackwagon fumbled the proof reading, and my name is backasswards.

I am a soldier, a horny soldier, away from home with no dildo of my own. I so ronery.

Meantime, I manage to fake working as a Eunuched Nations peace wrecking troop in the Afghanistan portion of Portland, OR, attempting to fathom Antifa's war on public trash cans and bus stops.

Here's a picture of me. Disregard the missing rank behind the green curtain. I've every bit the colonel that the chicken dude is. Really.

I have in my possession the sum of $2.8 million USD Which I made here using an assortment of inks, papers and an illegal printing press. I deposited this money with a poorly-connected Italian Antifa named Guido because he offered to launder it. Too late did I realize that he took it home to his parent's basement and washed it in the machine. Now all the bills look like Tammy Faye Bakker after one of her TV cryfests. Because of the law of EN, I can't use money that has the portrait'd person looking like a Picasso on meth.

I want you to stand at attention as my beneficiary, and then find someone -- ANYONE -- who can fix the money Guido totally f***ed up because I don't trust any of these ill-educated, trash can-trashing Antifa nincompoops. I want you to help me out with this scheme of mine so that as soon as am through with my mission here in the Afghanistan portion of Portland, I will come over to you for us to meet face to face and know each other. I probably won't look like my picture -- I'm actually a surgically-altered quadsexual that's still trying to figure out which bathroom to use, having just found a dictionary that explains to me what I want people to refer to my gender as...a mental illness.

I will give you 50% of the totaled money Guido f***ed up for your assistance. If you're actually able to fix any of it, send that part to me; I'm running low on tampons, but am not totally sure why.

Please reply back to me here via Email: colpacekim@hotmail.com

Even if you're not willing to work with me, write me back so we can have an exchange of views about the vices and virtues of coronavirus vs painful rectal itch as seen on Saturday Night Live back when it was funny 43 years ago.