Getting Weirder For the Scam FBI

I guess scammers really lurve playing that they're the FBI.  Perhaps it's the aura of respect and allure that the agency once commanded before Obola's regime totally screwed it up.

Nonetheless, they keep using a failed template to scam, scam again.

Here's their latest:

Anti-Terrorist And Monetary Crimes Division

FBI Headquarters, Washington, D.C.

Federal Bureau Of Investigation

J.Edgar Hoover Building

935 Pennsylvania Avenue, Nw Washington, D.C. 20535-0001

www.fbi.gov

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY

This e-mail has been issued to you in order to Officially inform you that we have completed an investigation on an International Payment in which was issued to you by an International Lottery Company. With the help of our newly developed technology (International Monitoring Network System) we discovered that your e-mail address was automatically selected by an Online Balloting System, this has legally won you the sum of $7.4 million USD from a Lottery Company outside the United States of America. During our investigation we discovered that your e-mail won the money from an Online Balloting System and we have authorized this winning to be paid to you via INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT.

Normally, it will take up to 5 business days for an INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT by your local bank. We have successfully notified this company on your behalf that funds are to be drawn from a registered bank within the world Wide,so as to enable you cash the check instantly without any delay, henceforth the stated amount of $7.4 million USD has been deposited with IMF .We have completed this investigation and you are hereby approved to receive the winning prize as we have verified the entire transaction to be Safe and 100% risk free, due to the fact that the funds have been deposited with IMF you will be required to settle the following bills directly to the Lottery Agent in-charge of this transaction whom is located in Mumbai India. According to our discoveries, you were required to pay for the following,

(1) Deposit Fee's ( IMF INTERNATIONAL CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE )

(2) Shipping Fee's ( This is the charge for shipping the Cashier's Check

to your home address)

The total amount for everything is $250.00 We have tried our possible best to indicate that this $250.00 should be deducted from your winning prize but we found out that the funds have already been deposited to IMF and cannot be accessed by anyone apart from you the winner, therefore you will be required to pay the required fee's to the Agent in-charge of this transaction In order to proceed with this transaction, you will be required to contact the agent in-charge ( Mr, Kabir Rachit) via e-mail. Kindly look below to find appropriate

contact information:

CONTACT AGENT NAME: Mr,Kabir Rachit

E-MAIL== mrachit@aol.com

Telephone == +91-7042-0229-36

You will be required to e-mail him with the following information:

FULL NAME:

ADDRESS:

CITY:

STATE:

ZIP CODE:

DIRECT CONTACT NUMBER:

OCCUPATION:

You will also be required to request Western Union or Money Gram details on how to send the required $250.00 in order to immediately ship your prize of $7.4 million USD via INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT from IMF, also include the following transaction code in order for him to immediately identify this transaction : EA2948-710. This letter will serve as proof that the Federal Bureau Of Investigation is authorizing you to pay the required $250.00 ONLY to Mr, Kabir Rachit via information in which he shall send to you,

Christopher A Wray

Federal Bureau of Investigation F B I

Yours in Service,Photograph of Director

Christopher Wray,vii1 Director Office of Public

Affairs Welcome once more to FBI  

Only $250 to get scammed by this latest version of the Feds out of Scamland.

You can't get hand sanitizer at Costco for that price these days, thanks to the DNC and cnn.

My character needed a time out for being quarantined for painful rectal itch syndrome, so it fell to me to handle the edit of the latest scam template.

I don't think I won any friends with my effort.  Then again, I didn't intend to:

Matter/Anti-Matter/Doesn't Matter And Mormontary Crimes Division

FBI Hindquarters, Washington, D.C.

Federal Burrito of Indigestion F B I

J.Heaving Oodgar Building

430 S Capitol St SE, Washington, DC 20003

ATTENTION: Coronavirus and Corona Beer Are NOT Synonymouse

This e-mail has been issued to you in order to officially inform you that we have completed an investigation.  On and of what is, quite frankly, none of your farging beeswax.  But completed it we did.  We're not all as slow as Bobo Mueller III, or as stammeringly R-tard as Peter Strzok and Lisa Page.  Just saying.

With the help of our newly developed technology (Interstellar Assholeroid Monitoring Network System) we discovered that your e-mail address has received infrequent and at times indelicate communications from Uranus, Alpha Centauri II, Vulcan, Rigel 7, Gary Seven or his cat, Romulus, Colonoscopy V and Pituitary Gland IV.  This has gotten you uncounted hours of surveillance from our FISA UnIntel Monitoring Squad, and mightily bored they've been.  Even your attempts to start an interstellar war between Pluto and Liechtenstein were met with *yawns* and only limited guffaws.  Don't quit your day job.

We're still interested in seeing your March Madness picks this year; our sucked last year.

Normally, it will take up to 5 business days for an email like this to clear our numerous layers of burritoacracy that's pandumbic in anything the democraps tend to foul up when they run it; the current president simply hasn't had time to clean up this rat's nest of Brennan.  We have however successfully notified Brennan's mama that he is officially the world's second biggest butt polyp after Jerrold Nadler, and that's saying something in a code only agents with the special decoder ring we made and hid in boxes of Wheaties in the 1970s can read.

At any rate, we are pretty farging proud of ourselves for having completed this investigation and you are hereby approved to receive an Amazon Alexa that is specially pogrommed to report directly to us whatever you do, say, fart or sing in the shower.  Believe it or not -- and if you, we wouldn't -- we have verified the device to be Safe and 100% risk free, due to the fact that this Alexa is gender neutral and non-binary transspecied with no working or moving genitals of any kind.  Just don't ask Alexa to elaborate on how the process went before shipping.  If ever computerized device has had PMS, that one did.

The pogromming of your rogue Alexa was completed at a Hindu cow udder rebushing facility located in Mumbai India. According to our discoveries, you will be expected to pay for the following:

(1) R-tard and Development Fees

(2) Shipping Fees ( This is the charge for shipping the annoyed and irritable device to your home address)

The total amount for everything is $250.00 in USD.  We have tried our possible best to see if payment could be made in other formats, denoms and currencies, but when the shipper saw denoms he misread it as demons, and they had to shoot him to keep him from burning down the entire facility as a sacrifice to the Lord of the Rings around the Collar.  Strange as that sounds, wait until you get a load of that peculiar Alexa.

And you thought that Hellary Clinton was a beeyotch.

Once you receive your ill-tempered and highly emotional Alexa, you will be required to contact the agent in-charge ( Mr, Kabir Rachit) via e-mail. Kindly look below to find appropriate

contact information:

CONTACT AGENT NAME: Mr,Kabir Rachit

E-MAIL== mrachit@aol.com

Telephone == +91-7042-0229-36

You will be required to e-mail him with the following information:

FULL NAME:

ADDRESS:

CITY:

STATE:

ZIP CODE:

DIRECT CONTACT NUMBER:

OCCUPATION:

You will also be required to let him have speaks with your Alexa, so that he may confirm that it has arrived without any untoward incidents during shipping, and that the special tampons he included in the shipping package were the right size and placed in the right place.  If not, you best have some Clorox Wipes handy.  And some Valiums for Alexa.

After all that we've been through to make this happen to...er...for you, the very least you can do is send $250 or some consumable equivalent thereof in order to let Kabir Rachit know his efforts haven't been totally in vain.  So far....they have.

And it's making him as uppity as you'll find your Alexa if those tampons were wrongly fitted.

I have the horror to be on occasion,

Christopher A Wray

Federal Burrito of Indigestion F B I

430 S Capitol St SE, Washington, DC 20003  

I always love when the scam FBIsters want to have a talk with me about my edits.

Still waiting...