If Only He'd A Read It

Welcome to Burkina Faso, gateway to scamming the world.

Well, it's at least one portal they use.

This scammer -- like so many from that part of the woild -- didn't bother much with English literacy.  He just sends out templates like this:


Dear Friend

I am Dr. Youssef Bakary, I Have a Business Proposal of $5.3 million For You.
I am aware of the unsafe nature of the internet, and was compelled to use this medium due to the nature of this project. I have access to very vital information that can be used to transfer this huge amount of money, which may culminate into the investment of the said  funds into your company or any lucrative venture in your country.
If you will like to assist me as a partner then indicate your interest, after which we shall both discuss the modalities and the sharing percentage.Upon receipt of your reply on your expression of Interest
 I will give you full details, on how the business will be executed I am open for negotiation.
Thanks for your anticipated cooperation.
Note you might receive this message in your inbox or spam or junk folder, depends on your web host or server network.

Thanks’
Best Regards
Dr.Youssef Bakary.  


Eh...nothing new here. 

So I turned it over to my duo of 'editing gone wild' pet rocks, Seymour and Element.  And sure 'nuff, they found something to key off of from the original email:


From: Dr. Youssef Bakary, <dr.youssefbakary890@gmail.com>
Sent: Sunday, January 19, 2020 6:16 PM
Subject: On A Roll...or Croissant  

I am Dr. Youssef Bakery.  That's what and who I am.  That's what and who I do.  DOH!

I knead your dildo to make it rise and yeast infections here are a good thing.

When our buns are hot and crossed, it makes our fecal deposits look all funky.

I am aware of the unsafe nature of the internet, and was compelled to use this extra-large due to the nature of this meadow muffin project. I have access to very vital information that can be used to transfer this huge amount of Twinkies, which may culminate into the largest loafing exercise ever attempted in your company or any lucrative venture in your country.

 If you will like to assist me as a partner then indicate your interest, after which we shall both discuss the modalities and the manner of bakering needed.

Yes, I used to be in making explosive prayer rugs.  They had a tendency to premature when vacuumed, and were sending the wrong kind of prophets through the roof.

So I switched to making pickle bread using dildo.  Things just rose from there.

Upon receipt of your reply on your expression of Interest  I will give you full details on how the business will be executed.  Method and manner of execution can be as humane or savagely abrupt as desired.  I am open for negotiation as long as you're not Kim Jong Un.

Thanks for your anticipated cooperation.

Note you might receive this message in your inbox or spam or junk or painful rectal itch folder, depends on your web host or server network.

Thanks’
Best Regards
Dr.Youssef Bakery
"We aren't Hostess, but We'd do her if she wuz h'yar"   

We -- the pet rocks and I -- weren't long in finding out that Youssef wasn't much for reading replies, just reacting to them:

Dear Friend,

I thank you very  well for your kind and urgent reply to my mail,
Every necessary arrangement to transfer this fund into an account
which you are  going to provide has been put in place.

The deceased account holder with our bank was Robert William, a
Germany nationality. he held account number, No.2637578-2341 with our
bank. He died along with his entire family on, December 2014 in plane
crash with Airbus A320 Plane.

Since his death, this account has been dormant and nobody has applied
to our bank for the release of this money to him or her as the next of
kin.

Note, all I need from you is a fully assurance that this fund will be
safe in your hand till I arrive in your country because I am very sure
that the fund will be transferred to your account after all legal
inheritance procedures has being administered by the bank management
in as much as you agree with the terms.  

It went on for a few more turgid paragiraffes, and ended thus:

i am waiting to hear from you. Regards,

Your Partner

Dr. Youssef Bakary
From Ouagadougou Burkina Faso Call me immediately +226 56 71 87 19.   

My character -- quite bored with the whole thing by now -- simply replied thus:

Okay, so you want me to call you Immediately.

Hello, Immediately.

Besides you not reading English very well,

how's things in the Third World sh*thole of Burkina Fatso, Immediately?   

As things went, that got no reply from Youssef.  And to the pet rocks, that simply would not do.

So they engineered a second edit:

From: Dr.youssef Bakery <dr.youssefbakary.67@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 21, 2020 3:53 PM
To: jacknjillwentoffthepillnowjill'sasbigasjack101@hotmail.com
Subject: Morose details about bakery stuff in Burkina Fatso 

I thank you very  well for what kind of replay was that to my mail.
Every necessary arrangement to understand your reply has been put

in place with no apparent success on my end.

My Third World smellpecker still spits out a series of WTF every time

I try to translate what you said.

 So I try try again:  the deceased with dead overtones was Robert William, a
Germany nationality from Cleveland. He died along with his entire family

on December 2014 in plane crash with an airborne sleigh with eight

reindeer and a very fat, intoxicated red-clad Norse legend.

Ghosts of past, xmas presents and future all went phfffffft and are now in a

mental home in Liechtenstein getting therapy to avoid having Scrooge

sound like Mr. Magoo.

 Since this untoward advent that NORAD failed to prevent because the

Iron Box missile missed and wound up as twins in the movie Hollywood

Knights, we have no idea how to proceed.  If you're reading this, you

understand the dilemma.

 Note, all I need from you is a fully assurance that you won't have a pair

of smart-ass pet rocks edit this because I am very sure that they will

totally fuck up the intended meaning of this email.  Editing-gone-wild

pet rocks tend to do that to emails from places like here.

 The fact is that whatever information we’re going to present before
the House Unintelligence Committee will be somehow made to look

like imappleable offenses by the current US President the cancerous

democraps hate so much.  We already know that their machinations

won't fly in the Senate, and that has everyone at cnn and ms13nbc

fouling their knickers.  Even George 'Sharpai' Soros looks more

pruned than usual.

 After the process is completed and the who-hit-John kicks in, we'll

all come out like it's Halloween, if Maggot doesn't screw everything

up prematurely.  Up to that, the Major's men were on a spree.  That's

what you get with a Dirty Baker's Dozen in Hollyweird.

 Before we proceed further, I want you to understand that this email

didn't look the least like this when it left my desk here in Burkina

Fatso.  But once two pet rocks -- Seymour and Element -- got hold

of it, now it looks like South Park after the Barbara Streisand monster

pillaged the whole community with Godzilla-like menstrual cramps.

You really shouldn't have let that happen, but that show is still on

the air and man-bear-pig is still a menace to society, almost as '

much as maligNANCY Pelosi and her DNC whores, including the

gender-neutral Adrienne 'Full of' Schiff.  I really need your attentions

to avoid mistakes from your side.

 To confirm your readiness, do correctly furnish me with a complete

list of all the virgin farm animals you know of in your community

that I can have sex with the next time I'm at the DNC for dead and

inanimate voter registration:

1:Full Name:..........
2:Address:..........
3:Nationality:.........
4:Age:..........Date of Birth:..........
5:Occupation:..........
6:Phone:..........Fax:..........
7:State of
Origin:..........Country:..........
8: Your Mobile number:..........
9.Your Private Email Address:..........
10 :Married:..........:Single:..........'Octosexual Orthopod'...........

N/B: Please note telephone communications are easily monitored

so we will need to use semaphore or phive smoke signals in

Azerbaijani Morse code as we proceed.

 Please also note that this email has to keep as top secret since
I am still a on parole from prison for sodomizing Yugo tail pipes

in Arkansas and rundown neighborhoods in Yemen and Newark.

 I am waiting to hear from you.

Regards,

Dr. Youssef Bakery
From Ouagadougou Burkina Faso
Please refer to me henceforth as Immediately in all

communications of any kind or language.

+226 56 71 87 19.   

The pet rocks eagerly anticipated a third edit to go with the first two, but alas, someone on Youssef's end finally had enough sense to read what was coming back to their little Third World internet cafe sh*thole.

And didn't like it.  And refused further repartee.  Oh well...