A Scam Bank Goes COVID

Every time a new thing is taking place in the world, scammers aren't long in latching onto and trying to use it to their advantage.

Sadly, "Director" Laurence Chima, wasn't one of them:


This notification is reaching you from Coris Bank International (CBI) here  in West Africa, Benin Republic. We have concluded on releasing your  awarded fund sum of US$10,500,000.00, which has been dormant over years in  United Bank for Africa (UBA). This happened after recent meeting held by  United Nation Organization (UNO) with African Bank Committee, where they  discussed about the past administration of UBA Bank that was made No. 1  African paying bank in the history of compensation project. Now, the UNO  has set up committee that will monitor to ensure every dormant and pending  compensation funds goes to the rightful beneficiaries through means of ATM
visa card, therefore Coris Bank International is now in charge of this
transaction and we are letting you know that your only obligation is to
follow the procedure of getting your ATM visa card delivered to your home
address. You are to provide your following details below if you are still
alive and willing to receive your visa card, the delivery cost of this ATM
visa card is sum of US$195.00 and you have to send it so that we will
register your ATM visa card with delivery company.

Confirmation of your information:
Full Name:
Residential Address:
Phone:
Valid ID card:

Dir. Laurence Chima.
Call us on: +229 9907 6812
Address: Boulevard Steinmetz, Cotonou,
Republic Du Benin,
This mail is sent to you from Coris Bank International (CBI).  


Never heard of the bank before, but has my character ever repeatedly heard of the scam.

It didn't take long to throw "Director" Chima a curve up and in that he never recovered from, starting with an edit of his original email:

From: Mr. Laurence Chima <6969minecrafterbabe@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, March 26, 2020 2:04 PM
Subject: **WELCOME TO COVID BANK INTESTINAL**

This notification is reaching you from Covid Bank Intestinal (CBI) here
in West Africa, Benin Republic.

Yes, we bank on covid because we lurves Chinese bat egg rolls.

We have concluded on releasing a billion bat egg rolls which has been

dormant over years in United Blank for Africa (UBA). This happened after

recent meeting held by Eunuched Nation Organization (ENO) with African

Blank Committee -- three witch doctors, a pigmy and a sh*thouse wombat that's

clueless what it's doing there -- where they discussed about how much it

sucked that March Madness was off this year, and how they had bet every

last west african franc they had on William & Mary to win it all.

Perhaps you begin to get an ideer about why we named this bank Covid.

Now, the ENO has set up committee that will monitor to ensure every

doormat is properly identified and goes to the rightful beneficiaries

through means of WTF Courier Services, exclusively used by Covid Bank

Intestinal.  Thus, we are letting you know that your only obligation is to
follow the procedure of getting your doormat delivered to your home
address. You are to provide your following details below if you are still
alive and not coughing up Bill the Cat-quality hairballs.  If this is the case,

you will owe us sum of US$195.00 and you have to send it so that we will
know we've found a real mugu out there.

 Confirmation of your information:
Full Name:
Residential Address:
Phone:
Valid ID card:

Proof of purchase of Wheaties after what it done to Bruce Jenner:

Dir. Laurence Chima.
Call us all sorts of nasty names on: +229 9907 6812
Address: Boulevard Steinmetz, Cotonou,
Republic Du Benin,
This mail is sent to you from Covid Bank Intestinal (CBI).

Home of the pandumbic

What ensued led my character to believe that "Director" Chima isn't up to his chosen profession:

Your mail do not make any sense.

Sure it does. First you have to put yourself into the mindset of a sh*thouse wombat. Breathe deeply and orange juice from concentrate.

I do not understand  

.
That's because you're not "being the wombat".

what do you mean?

For example, the loosest interpretation possible of the philosophy of zen argues that a donut with no hole is a danish. The Danish don't understand that, but will eat all you put in front of them. So you get it, right?

dont write me no more.  

What do I use in place of "me"?


 So far...*cricket chirping*...which leaves this person to ponder just what it is I'm supposed to use in place of "me"...