Majoring In All The Wrong Templates

Another scammer tries to give my character the business as a real US Army Major.

Yawp...'she' do.

Knowing that 'she' ain't.

But she don' know that ah know dat.

Yet:


Hi dear, nice to meet you, knowing one another is a gradual process and  i have some thing very important to share with you.  


I'll bet 'she' do:


Well yes, meeting and getting to know someone can indeed be a gradual process.

Where there's chemistry, that process can be accelerated.  Passionate.  Intense.

Where there's not, it can be long in the feeling out process, or abruptly terminated.

Where and how it all begins has a lot to do with it.

I don't know you.  How'd you find me?  

 

 

And like most 'she' scamstresses, she doesn't answer my questions...she just goes into her template:

 

 

My Name is Major Lisa Jaster. I hope all is well with you? I am a soldier working as a United Nations peacekeeping troop in Libya, on a war against terrorism.

I want you to know that we are being attacked by insurgents everyday and bombs, which I believe was money meant for buying weapons and ammunition, and it was agreed by all army officers. out of the total fund my share was  US$ 2.2 Million (Two Million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) And Since I am still working for the government, I can not keep or send this money to America for the time being because I do not have any trustworthy person to act as my next of kin. Therefore, I just want you to receive it in your country.Honestly, if I fail to move this money soonest before I leave this country i can't move it again. So I am seeking your assistance to evacuate my share of the money out of (United Bank for Africa in Senegal) to your own country for you to keep it safe on my behalf you have to assure me that you are going to collect the money from the bank.

It's clear to me that you might be aware of this proposal, but i want to let you know that i have to talk with a lawyer in Senegal, to help me on my behalf. with a lawyer in Senegal and i pay him for him to handle it, The money was transfered from (Aman Bank of Libya) to the Bank of Senegal from Libya for security purpose, the transfer I have to make sure you have the right amount of money, while the rest of the balance in your country. one passionate appeal I do not want a third party on this Transaction.

Please try to keep this information secret if you want it. I believe that you will not betray my trust, nor will you, thwart, my dream, though you may wonder. in receiving and investing this fund.

Note: I do not know how long we are going to stay here and I have lost my life because of the I, will be coming over to your home country. I hope my explanation is very clear, but if you want further clarification, just let me know and i will explain further, of radio communication and email communication.

conclusively, i wish you could send me a reply directly to this proposal, your urgent reply will be highly appreciated. Please contact to my private Email for more details. I'm waiting to receive your acceptable reply as soon as you read this letter.

Thanks. 

Major Lisa Jaster.  

 

 

Since my "editing gone wild" pet rocks are celebrating an early Christmas, I let my character handle their light work on this one:

 

 

From: Lisa Jester <lisajster01@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, December 19, 2019 8:11 AM
To: Fallopian Mortar Tubes <vag_is_apoppin101@hotmail.com>
Subject: IT'D BE BETTER TO MEET YOU ANYWHERE BUT PORTLAND

 

Herrooo,

My Name for now is Major Lisa Jester. I am a soldier working as a United Nations peacekeeping troop in Portland, on a war against the Nazi-esque Antifa douche canoes.

I want you to know that we are being attacked by Antifa, democraps, cnn, ms13nbc and Hollywad lefties wielding plastic straws everyday.  Bunch of heathen twat waffles.  Anyway, one day after exploring a looted 711 store, we found George Soros money meant for buying crystal meth and Twinkies for the basement-dwelling Millennials Soros has duped into being his "useful idiots", and it was agreed by me and the other three gender-neutral octosexual orthopods in my squad that we'd split the money unevenly, with the bulk of it going to me as a Major and all.  That means....*calculating on the only known abacus that still works in the Western hemisphere* that my share is US$ 2.2 Million (Two Million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars).

Now, technically I am still working for the government of Ukraine at the behest of Hunter and Gropey Joe Bidumb...which the House of Reprehensibles Unintelligence Crimemittee overlooked at the impairment farce...so in some backwoods outhouse "rools for radishes" it sez that I can not keep or send this money to the more rational parts of America for the time being because I do not have any trustworthy t-shirt clad manatee to act as my sex squooge. Therefore, I just want you to receive it in your more rational part of the US.  Honestly, that's what this template says.  Do you really think I'd write this sh*t on my own?  I really only speak Ferengi and using Gooble Transloot exposes me to all sorts of mockery.   if I fail to move this money soonest before I leave what's left of Portland, the template sez that I can't move it again without genital warts overtaking me.

What this means is quite simply this:  devil bunnies, devil bunnies...I snort the banana.  That's what an English version of the Ferengi translation from Gooble Transloot says it said.  So I am seeking your assistance to evacuate my genitals out of Portland  to your own saner part of the country for you to keep it hermetically sealed in a jar by the door.  What is it for?  All the horny people...where do they all come from?  Oh all the horny people...they're doing everyone.

Father McKenzie has not endorsed that last.

It's clear to me that you might be aware of the obfuscational parts of this proposal, but i want to let you know that i have talked with a lawyer in Senegal to help me on my behalf.  And he talked to a lawyer in Newark who talked to a lawyer that knows Epstein didn't kill himself, and they all agree that maligNANCY Pelosi is a cancerous butt polyp.

Granted, there are several other lawyers involved in this including one that works for cnn and does Rachel Madcow from behind with a cucumber, but the one in Senegal is the most fortunate because he doesn't need hand sanitizer after reading this template. 

At any rate -- and I'm told it's dozens of dialing-for-donuts-per-hour -- the money was transferred from what's left of Portland to the First Solar System Bank of Uranus for security purpose; the rocket left with a box labeled "Used Dildos" aboard and will reach Uranus by sometime in 2027.  I must make one passionate appeal: I do not want any of this money going to the Clinton Crimedation.  Epstein figured that out too late.

Please try to keep this information secret if you want to.  If you don't, only allow it to be leaked to the lamestream servile mediocres in native Ferengi, which I am sure most of them don't have a clue about.  I know none of them know sh*t about journalism.

After consulting a psychic 8 ball and reading tea leaves and tarot cards from a James Bond movie, I believe that you will find out later that Errol Flynn is about to knock up Olivia De Havilland and Jane Seymour will go onto a nondescript vet clinic in Nebraska, where she reconstitutes virgin cocktail shrimp by rebushing them with a lobster tail.  I'm told it's not pretty, but it's a neat trick that she's mastered there.

Note: I do not know how long we are going to stay in what's left of Portland and I have lost my life several times because of the Antifa idiots here, but I always manage to find it in Lost and Found.  Well, at least so far.

I hope my explanation is very clear, but if you want further clarification, just let me know and i will explain further, through messages coded in Klingon with Azerbaijani epithets.

It is my belief -- my unshakeable belief -- that you could send me a reply directly to this proposal, your urgent reply will be highly appreciated. Please contact to my primate Email for more details. I'm waiting to receive your acceptable reply as soon as you read this letter.

Thanks. 

Major Lisa Jester.

 

 

Neither the major nor any of her pears and collies that received this edit have bothered to reply.  Perhaps it IS dangerous in Portland for peacekeepers...