Hannah Banana and the Lost Explanation

Imagine if you will or can, a fly-infested internet cafe in a Third World craphole, full to the brim with computer terminals and an assortment of scammers busily typing and sending out any number of scam templates their handlers direct them to send.

If one in a thousand results in money being wired back, that scammer is a hero for a couple minutes.

Then again, there are those scammers who, despite the templates they're guided to use, get confused and send the wrong thing to the wrong intended victim.

In this case, yours truly.

I received the following in my email account set up for such nonsense:


Good morning dear,
As you know, I received your email yesterday successfully. It was really very helpful except the chapter 2 in the page 7, but I couldn't understand the point of view of the writer... May you explain it for me Monday morning, please?
Thank you so much.

--------------------
With My Love.
Hannah J.   


...what the horse-head-in-the-bed f***?

I went back through six months of emails received, and in not a one could I find anything from Hannah Jones about anything, let alone a 'writer's point of view' in an unnamed book.

*TOING*  And just like that, it didn't matter. 

If Hannah Banana wanted an explanation of the writer's point of view in Chapter 2 Page 7, the least this h'yar feller could do was come up with one...or several:


Sorry that I'm a day late with the explanation.

Chapter Two

Page 7

Writer's point of view

In my view, this is what the writer was attempting to convey:

"While everyone is knocking themselves out trying to be heroes, we are holding ourselves in reserve, in case the krauts mount a major offensive that threatens Paris, or maybe even New York, then we can move in and stop them.  With that in mind, don't hit me with those negative waves so early in the morning.  Think that bridge will be there, and it will be there.  It's a mother beautiful bridge, and it's going to be there.  Okay?  Oh for Christ sakes Bellamy, that's a lousy stinking stupid awful joke, and you're always pulling that stinking stupid awful joke, you don't want in this thing you don't get in this thing.  I cut you out of everything.  Sixty feet of bridge I can pick up anywhere...schmuck."

 

Later in the same paragiraffe, the writer goes on with this:

"Earl and Matilda are walking through a moon-lit garden on a soft spring night, with the breeze gentle rustling the newly green leaves.  Overcome by the moment, Matilda turns to Earl and says to him quietly, "Say something soft and mushy in my ear".  Earl hesitates not a moment, as he takes her hand in his, leans close and whispers in her ear, "bullsh*t, Matilda".

 

And with that, the writer appears to analogize by invoking the zen philosopher Basho musing upon the story of a young lad who dreams of getting a bicycle, only to have the dream come true.  His friends all say, how lucky for him, to which Basho says, "we'll see".  Then the lad crashes on the bicycle and breaks his leg, to which his friends all say, how unlucky for him, to which Basho says, "we'll see".  Then the lad's country goes to war, and all his friends are drafted into the Army, except for him because of his broken leg, to which his friends all say, how lucky for him, to which Basho says, "we'll see".  Then the lad finds a peculiar golf hat and dons it, which causes all his friends to say how lucky for him, to which Basho says "this is the worst hat I ever saw.  I bet when you buy this you get a free bowl of soup...oh, but it looks good on you though...*eye roll*.

 

And there you have it, Hannah.  The writer's point of view.

You're welcome.

 

 I was rather amused to get this response:


what?  please explain?  

Happily:

What the writer conveyed was simply:  "I am the Guardian of Forever.  I am my own beginning, my own ending.  I am both, and neither and/or either.  My explanation is simply that which your limited intelligence can understand.  And for a limited time, when you order one, you get a second one absolutely half-price.  Operators are standing by like a fart in an elevator, which when going to an hourglass, so goes that hourglasses utility.  For if a sheep is a ram and a donkey is an ass, why would a ram in the ass be a goose?  *Jeopardy Theme* whilst you reply.  

Amazingly, there was a reply:

i am not understand your meanings. 

That's because you used the wrong template.  Basho isn't psychic, but even the Coke bottle deified in Africa could have foreseen this coming.  You're only breathing hard, so that's why. Check your email addressing and try your template again.  Reserve your seating today. 

...at least that's what I imagine happened on the other end of the email.  For there was nothing more....

I hope the Chapter 2 Page 7 that the scammer was referencing turns out better.