Between The Law

There are things to avoid, and voids without things.

This picture is indicative of the latter.

In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised if the person lowlighted in this picture had a hand in the email my character received a short time ago:


My name is William, a reputable Lawyer. I retrived your contact address in my search for the next of kin to a deceased client of this chamber. He was a citizen of your country, who lived and died in the United Kingdom from Cardiac arrest in the year 2009. Unfortunately this customer died intestate leaving the bank account with an open beneficiary status. All efforts made by our bank to locate my client's relatives have been unsuccessful. I secretly paid a private investigator to search for a family member of my deceased client and the closest result he came up with  was you but he told me you are not related to my deceased client in anyway but you both have the same last name and each search he ran keeps bringing up your information. He did confirm that my deceased client had no surviving family member anywhere.His wife died in 2007 and they didn't have children.So i decided to present you to our bank as the next of kin to claim the dormant account worth $9.2 million.

 You will apply to the bank as an extended relative to the deceased customer while i work from the inside to make sure all needed information and evidences are provided to you to back up your claim. since my client is from your country and you both share the same last name. it is easy for you to become his official next of kin. if we do not make claim to the funds now. the funds would be reverted back to the system as unclaimed estate at the expiration of a 10-year dormancy period in few months.I assure you that this transaction would be handled under due inheritance procedures and every necessary legitimate arrangement will be put in place to make you the real beneficiary of the inheritance funds. It also requires all confidentiality at this stage and i believe that you are ready to keep this absolutely discreet until you are able to claim the funds from the bank.This transaction is 100% risk free.

Please acknowledge the receipt of this message in acceptance of our mutual business by providing your full name,address and direct phone number.Also state that you are responding in regards to the unclaimed funds.Email me on (law_firmthe_crowell@consultant.com) We shall discuss more in details as well as the procedure to achieve a successful completion.This is an opportunity of a lifetime and people achieve it everyday.

I await your response
Sincerely,
William Crowell
The Crowell Law Firm UK  

The email title was "Your Urgent Attention Required".

*Yawn*

My character's response was to edit the email and ship it back, just to see if the atturkey was actually reading correspondence as we went along.  I voted not, but my character was confident in the outcome:


From: THE CROWELL LAW FIRM <thecrowelllawfirmss@usa.com>
Sent: Thursday, February 7, 2019 11:36 PM
Subject: THIS CHAMBER REQUIRES TRAINED SHEEP FOR SEX -- URGENT

 

My name is Wilhelm, a marginal Lawyer of dubious pedigree and antecedence.   I retried your contract address in a court of lewd during my search for the next of choice for a kin to a deceased client of this chamber.  He was actually deceased in this chamber; a plane fell on him.  Planes have a tendency to do that in this country.  So many foreigners that die from plane things here, it are reaching pandumbic levels in Nigeria.

He was a citizen of your country, who woke up one morning not in your country, and died as a result of a Cadillac Arrest in the year 2525, which answers the question if he's still alive.  Unfortunately this customer died after an extended period of constipation, and it all let go when he did.  So we have to close this office and move to a new one.  My ceremonial bannister wig will never be the same.

Oh, and the plane didn't do us any favors, neither.

All efforts made by our team of DNC operatives to find anyone to testify against any of Donald Trump's future SCOTUS nominees have been unsuccessful. I secretly paid a primate investigator to search for a working brain for Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, and the closest thing he could come up with was a banana.  Which he ate.  I fired him, and he could be why that plane fell on my client and office.

I'm sure primate investigators behave the same way in your country, too.

From his asordid notes and graphic pictures of intraspeciesal sex, the closest result he came up with was you but he told me you are not related to my deceased client in anyway but you both have the same saliva line on your right hand, which Lacey Underalls insisted indicated how hot she would get you.  Then a whacked out billionaire in plaid with crazed eyes showed up in a motorboat he didn't know how to drive, and only the gopher emerged unscathed from the sequel, wearing the worst looking hat any of us ever saw.

It looks good on you though *rolled eyes*

He did confirm that my deceased client had no surviving family member anywhere; they were all on the plane that hit him, causing him to Cadillac arrest and empty his constipated bowels in our office.

The EPA is overpriced on clean up for stuff like that, by the way.  I could have done it with a fire hose and shop vac.

 You will no doubt be wondering why at this point in the missive that I contacted you.  I was starting to, only now returning to the template I devinated from.  You are to apply to the Nigerian Ministry of Sex with Animals to allow 500 sex-crazed sheep into this country so that I may have sex with them.  Don't worry; when I don my ceremonial bannister wig, sheep think that I and they are one.  At least after what happened with my former client and the plane thing, I hope that's the case.

I assure you that this transaction would be handled under the same substandards that are used regularly here in Nigeria, and every necessarily illegitimate arrangement will be put in place to make this happen.  It also requires all confidentiality at this stage because the ministry here in Nigeria wants to sodomize sheep too.  However, it is my belief -- my unshakeable belief -- that you, and you, and you and you and I are ready to keep this absolutely discreet until I've convinced all those ewes, somehow, that this transaction is 100% risk free.

Wondering if you saw what I just did there.  Asking for a friend.

 Please acknowledge the receipt of this message by providing your full name, address and direct phone number.  Also state that you are responding in regards to one of the most peculiar emails you've ever received.  Email me on (law_firmthe_crowell@consultant.com) and please leave out any derogatory mentions of what my mother did with the Nigerian military for 30 years.  We shall discuss more in details as well as the procedure to achieve a successful completion.  This is an opportunity of a lifetime for me and you are all that stands between me and a butt-boinked sheep.

I await your response
Sincerely,
Wilhelm Crowell
The Crowell Law Firm Nigeria

"Pay no attention to the 419 behind the curtain"  

 

 

I reckoned that the atturkey would read none of what was writ in the edit, and try to press the narrative.  My character...not so much.  He figured the Hollywad references alone -- along with the sheep sex -- get the point across to ol' Crowell.

 

It kind of did:

 

you are sick  go away

 

 

Just how sick do you reckon?  Am I really that bahhhhhhhhhhh-d?  

 

 

Apparently so.