Ettu, Ambassador?

Pretty much all of my email scammers fit this bill.

Here of late, I seem to be getting an awful lot of current and past ambassadors to African countries, writing to tell me that they're working hard on getting me money I'm owed from there.

Uh huh.  And Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez knows economics.

The latest 'ambassador' to Nigeria -- Robin Renee Sanders -- makes the very same claim that 'current' ambassador W. Stuart Symington made just last month.

The 'former ambassador' sent this as the ploy:

I am Mrs Robin Sanders, Former U.S.A Ambassador to Nigeria. With reference to your entitlement fund and inline with the CHANGE OF BENEFICIARY APPLICATION, signed by Mrs. Glenda F. Ward with your purported authorization. This case has been carefully examined and we have declined Mrs. Ward's application and reported to the security department for appropriate action, as the application lacks regular signature. But Did you ever instruct Mrs Glenda F. Ward to claim your fund worth US$7.000.000? Below is the bank account information provided by Mrs Glenda F. Ward saying that you authorized her to claim your fund that you are terminally ill.

1.BANK NAME: BANK OF AMERICA
2.ACCOUNT NAME: GLENDA WARD
3.BANK ADDRESS: Kerrville Texas 78028 USA
4.ACCOUNT #: 3202650
5.ROUTING #: 114922443


If you had not authorized the change of your bank account in respect to your outstanding UN mandated entitlement Payment on Nigerian Government for Scam Victims/Unpaid Foreign Expatriate/Unpaid Contractors ETC, Please kindly notify me immediately if you authorized her? as the notification / declaration was supported with a sworn affidavit from Lagos high court Ref: Ng.gov/Ikhcourt /202/k2018, dated 20/08/2018 and signed by Mrs. Glenda Ward who claim and stated in the sworn declaration that you authorized her to claim the said fund on your behalf to a different bank account in the U.S.A as stated above because you were terminally ill and the Doctor who is in-charge of your case stated that you will not stay more than one Month before passing away.

This development has caused lots of discrepancies in your payment file that is why we had to suspend your payment and prompted to contact you directly before rejuvenating your payment. You have to be rest assured that I will do everything within my capacity to successfully actualize the quick transfer of your fund to any of your nominated bank account.

Kindly get back to me as soon as possible so that I will direct you on what to do.

So in what I figured would make quick work of the ambassador's ploy, I responded thus:


 I am unable to comply with this, because of one fact that you've overlooked:  there are no "former" ambassadors to Nigeria.   The Nigerians eat every American ambassador sent.


Previously eaten ambassadors have no comeback for that; but this one did:


I am deeply sorry for the late response to your mail its not deliberate but occasioned by other assignment which i have been designated to handle by the authorities. You might have the view that Nigeria/Nigerians eat up all ambassadors but my case is quite different and i can not be consumed by Nigeria as they must respect international treaty on welfare and security of diplomats in line with UN laws. And UN laws forbid Nigerians from eating ambassadors, so please take notice on this point.  


And we all know that everyone in the world respects the laws of the UN:


If the Nigerians haven't respected the culinary integrity of previous ambassadors, what do you have going for you that keeps you from becoming a main course there?  Asking for a friend.  


Maybe other Ambassadors played into their hands which the United States can not afford to do as we are technically superior to Nigeria and there is no way they can jeopardize the security of a US Diplomat as the repercussion will be much on them.

Oh hell, Red Robin, they need only lure you to some official function then put you on the menu at said function.  Ask what's left of W. Stuart Symington, another eaten former ambassador to Nigeria.


are you going to stop this silly and cooperate with me or not?  i am a busy person and have not time for jokes.  


I'm sure that when you're running from your hosts at an upcoming gala fete whereat you're the main course of honor, you'll realize that while you had no time for jokes, you shouldn't have made time to become a hors d'oeuvre, either. 


Former and et Ambassador Sanders ceased all communications with yours truly after that one.


Either she realized that her ploy wasn't working...or that she dun been et.