To Cancer...With Scam

When it comes to the 'dying-inheritance-scam' template, scammers are...subpar.

But they keep trying.

Latest up:  Sandra Smith.  See her gambit:

My name is Mrs. Sandra Smith, am a cancer patient.  From all medical indications, my condition has really deteriorated and it is quite obvious that I can not live for more than few months because of the rapid growth by stage and the unbearable pains that accumulates from my illness.

My doctor just confirmed to me that i have no much time left.  So please can you permit me to tell you few things that troubles my heart here in my hospital bed which is part of my last wish?

I was married to Late Mr. Roger Smith, an international business man. But our long years of marriage was not blessed with any children. Which have left me heart broken for some time now. 

But after his death i inherited a large fund which was deposited in a bank in Africa, But because of my poor health i have decided to distribute this fund to any good investment, the less privilege, building of orphanage homes, education to the poor children, Care and support to the poor, refugees, victims of HIV / AIDS and the continuous treatment of my sickness until my days is completed.

So i dont know if i can trust you to help and assist me in this humanitarian services and investment project. So that i will introduce you to the Bank for the release and transfer of the fund to you for the impending projects as detailed.

You will be highly compensated from the rest of the fund after you have done good to humanity and might have invested well.

Please contact me via my private email if i count on you on this project.

(smith.sandra.cancerpatient@gmail.com)

So i can give you further details and information.  Thanks 

 

 

I reckon I'm welcome.

 

At least she made her email address try to seem convincing.  The photo of herself that she included wasn't quite so; it had the title on it 'Susan'.

 

One of those pesky "oh whoops".

 

My character's edit took care of that:

 

 

Herro

My name is Mrs. Sandra Smith -- occasionally Susan -- and I was bored under the sign of Cancer as an octosexual orthopod in waiting.  This was not knowd for many years, because my parents, doctors, siblings, relatives, classmates knew nothing of my actual gender until the dude that looked nothing like Brett Kavanaugh took me out back of the wood shed and made the discovery of my octosexuality, which at the time was not knowd as a thing. 

This was me when I was Susan Lipshitz

Now that it is, I am suing Kavanaugh and anyone that looks like him, my parents, doctors, biology professors and the Coke bottle my family worshipped for years after that stupid movie The Gods Must Be Lazy. 

I'm also adding my former friend, Alyssa Milano, a former coven member and current boob that's bigger than she has, for fronting intellect she was never capable of having and telling me that it was Kavanaugh that made me what I am today: a member of the wholly discredited democrap party and pending cnn consultant.

 

From all medical indications, my condition has really confounded all sexologists and non-binary-fluid-gender studies majors, minors and e-flats, to the point that the unprestigious Hahvahd Medical School for the Criminally Politically Carwrecked -- just another pogrom from a rapidly declining eunuchversity of lower education -- won't even front a #GoFundMe page.

They did offer me a #GoF**kMyself page, and I'm at a point where it might be better than nothing.  Zucchini are in season now.

To anyone with more than four working brain cells, the meaning of this email should be obvious.  If you're a democrap, it'll be harder for you to figure out than a Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez press release.

According to the template I received from the office of NJ Senator Cory Phartacus Booker, things have deteriorated and it is quite obvious that I can not count on Hellary Clinton running again in 2020, since not even the publishers at RandomOverRepeatedlyWithABroom are interested in a Hellary sequel, What Happened This Time.   I know that this is hard for basement-dwelling millennials who think that cnn and ms13nbc are the catbox of intellectual journalism, even though well-educated people long ago realized this.  Nonetheless, subcommontary from Chelsea Clinton will continue to be the highlight of cnn's day, since they have nothing else to count on with Sarah Huckabee Sanders routinely spanking Jim Acosta on live TV.

My therapist just confirmed to me that I was boobally groped by Al Franken during a SNL audition in 1982.  I didn't think I was born yet and pointed that out; my therapist said that minute details like this don't matter to Dianne Frankefeinstein when put to her in a letter when Trump nominates his next SCOTUS pick.

Good point.

Since this fly-infested internet cafe charges by the minute, I have no much time left.

So please can you permit me to tell you few things that troubles my octogenital?

Unwashed zucchini, for one.

I do need your advice on one thing:  the porn liar Avenatti contacted me and he wants to represent me.  Is he really a moron's moron, or is he the equivalent of Hellary's odds-of-winning on cnn at 7pm Eastern Time election night?

If it's both, I'm better off hiring an inflatable yak.

So i dont know if i can trust Brian Williams to report this accurately, but I know I can count on cnn getting it 1000% wrong because that's what they are.

You will be highly compensated by George Soros if you join Antifa and throw trash cans through store front windows. 

Please contact me via my primate's email if i count on you after everything you've read here.  You're really stupider than Lena Dunham if so, and no one in Vegas was willing to bet on that being possible.

(smith.sandra.cancerpatient@gmail.com)

I have operators standing by in case you do email.   

 

 

The operators may be standing by, but Sandra/Susan isn't.  From Cancer With Love will not be an upcoming 007 movie.