Ohio Needs Protecting From...Who?

I could agree that Ohio should protect its borders from things like this.

All fifty states should.

That said, here's what my character got from..well, read it yourself:


Ohio Custom and Border protection

6431 Alum Creek Drive. 

Suite A. Groveport, 

OH 43125 usa

Attention Sir

We are writing to Inform you about our decision to begin the dispatch and delivery of seized ATM Card and Bank draft during our Border Operation in which Most of the Parcel are from Africa.

As a United State Custom and Border Operators,It is our duty to intercept any suspicious item(Parcel)that does not have the required documentation to back it up and it is our duty to also dispatch them as soon as we are done with Investigation.we received a Master ATM Card in your Name/Address From Africa,We  Withhold it to enable us Make Verification,After Much Verification and Investigation,We have Confirmed that the ATM Card is from a legit and Authentic Source and we wish to proceed with the delivery/Dispatch of the master ATM Card Titled,Inheritance/Compensation Payment. 

You should reconfirm postal address to enable us proceed in the delivery of your ATM/Bank draft.

Postal Address................... 

Sign By the Management

Ohio Custom and Border protection service

Port Director: Ted Thomas

Secretary;Sam Crissy  

 

 

This time of year, I think I know what Ohioans hate the most, and that's reflected in the edit:

 

 

From: Ohio Cussed 'Em Good <ohiocustomservice01@outlook.com>
Sent: Thursday, September 27, 2018 6:31 PM
To: platypusgenitals@hotmail.com
Subject: Ohio Cussed 'Em Good and Border protection

 

Ohio Cussed 'Em Good and Border protection

6431 Alum Creek Drive. 

Suite A. Groveport, 

OH 43125 usa

Attention Sir

We are writing to Inform you about our efforts to defend Ohio's borders from all things un-Ohioan.  

As Ohio Cussed 'Em Good and Border protection,It is our sacred duty to intercept any suspicious persons with Big Ten paraphernalia -- especially that from Michigan -- that does not have the required documentation to prove it's had shots and buckeye approval, and it is our duty to also dispatch them as soon as we are done with them to lesser places of existence, like Notre Dame and Penn State.  

We'd send them to William& Mary, but we're never sure who takes priority.

For example, we received a cheerleader from Nebraska, who was found placidly grazing on the astroturf at the U of Ohio's football stadium.  Not just blasphemy, but grassphemy!  We withheld it to enable us to make Verification, but after much consideration we felt we had no choice but to put it on a bus to Omaha so that 36 years from now it didn't come back with claims that we'd done unspeakable things to it with Buckeye memorabilia that it was only finding useful to remember because we were up for a judgeship or something.

After Much Verification and Investigation, we have confirmed that the idea that we're having to defend our borders from neighboring states is, on the whole, rather lame.  Unless those states are controlled by democraps, in which we shoot on sight after seeing just how toxic democraps are.

You should reconfirm postal address to enable us to know if you're from the Big Ten or not.

Postal Address................... 

Sign By the Management

Ohio Cussed 'Em Good and Border protection

Port Director: Ted Thomas

Secretary;Sam Crissy

 

No word yet on what Michigan, Indiana, Wisconsin, Iowa, et al think of this edit.  But the silence that followed it indicated the scammer was totally cornfused about it...