Thursday, September 6, 2018

Shoulda Checked The Calendar

Scammers really oughta pay attention to a few rudimentary things when they engage a scam template.

Really.  Really really.

Take Little Mrs. Caroline for example.  As you read her scam, try not to pay so much attention to the obvious, and look for the less than obvious.

You'll be bored you did.

By Mrs. Caroline
I am sure this mail would be coming to you as a surprise since we have never met before and you would also be asking why I have decided to chose you amongst the numerous internet users in the world. I saw your profile on the Internet, which has made me accomplish my request.
I am Mrs. Caroline Freund, the bill and exchange manager of Cahoot Finance UK. In my department, I discovered an abandoned sum of USD 8,000,000.00. (Eight Million USD), on account of our foreign customers (MR Paul Louis Halley) who died along with his wife in 2003 in a plane crash. 
This dead client late Paul Louis Halley has the sum of $ 8,000,000.00 in his bank account with my bank since 2003 until today.
After going through the late Paul Louis Halley file in the bank, I discovered that he did not have next of kin or the account beneficiary in his account opening documents.
Therefore I now sincerely and consciously seek your consent to present your data as the next of kin / Will Beneficiary to the deceased so that the total value of $ 8,000,000 will be transferred to you, which will be shared with this percentage ratio of 60 % to me and 40% to you.
According to our Banking Act of 1990, if the money is unclaimed after a period of Fourteen (14) years, it will be a government property. Therefore, I have planned to upload your data in our banking system as a Next of Kin of the late Mr. Halley because I have tried my best to locate any of his family members but all such efforts were not successful.
I check this account for over 7-8 years and no one has ever come forward to claim the fund. But I've found that (Late Mr. Paul Louis Halley) has no next of kin or the account beneficiary before he died. So, after going through his file in our bank. I sincerely and consciously seek your consent to present your data as the next of kin / Will Beneficiary to this account, so that the total value of USD 8,000,000.00, would be transferred to any bank account of your choice for our mutual benefit. I'm going to share the money in the ratio of 60% to me and 40% to you.
For more information; I want you to please contact me on my private e-mail account: 
When you contact me, I will give you more information.  
Of course, I was amused by the name of the financial institution she works for.  Nice touch. was the cited national act of 1990 that brought down the house for me, and made easy the direction of my reply:
Lemme see iffen I gots all this h'yar straight:
  1. You is Ms Caroline.
  2. Not the one that Neil Diamond singed about.
  3. We don't know each other, which does surprise me.
  4. You found me on the internet.  That doesn't surprise me.
  5. You work for Cahoot Finance UK. 
  6. Cahoot
  7. Finance
  8. UK..uhhhh.
  9. You found $8 Million USD abandoned.
  10. In Cahoot
  11. Finance
  12. UK...uhhhh.
  13. The abandoners died in a plane crash in 2003.
  14. A plane crash.  Not an elaborate or exquisite crash, just a plane crash.
  15. In 2003.
  16. And there's this Banking Act of 1990 thing there.
  17. Which says
  18. That in fourteen years, if it's unclaimed, it's the government's money.
  19. *TOING*
  20. It's been more than fourteen years since 2003.
  1. You wrote to me for nothing.
  2. Have a nice day.

Needless to say, my scammer did not foller up with me after that.
Confuse a calendar with a colander...that's what y'all git....

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