They HATE When This Happens



Sad, isn't it?

Equally so, for the scammer that sent my character this email:


With due respect, I observe every protocols and pay all due compliments.I am interested in establishing and operating a very viable business as a means of investment abroad. I do not know too well on how this is done in your country, so I 

will need you to help me in this regard. My prefer is any good profit yielding business and I would appreciate any viable ideas you could come up with. I will also 

 

need you to help me look for properties like homes and lands for sale as I am proposing to invest the sum of Twenty Million United States Dollars ($20,000,000.0USD) 

for this. I do not know if you can handle this and will be of help to me.

For a brief on my personality; my name is Mr.Bishop Speed, a South African based in Turkey Istanbul I am a retired Business man, formally into oil and Gold. I am 62 

years of age, married with a wife and 4 lovely kids.I dropped my Shipping business because it wasn't producing profitable income. I have had so much problems with the 

TURKISH Authority just because I am foreigner I believe. coupled with the corruption rate and recent terrorist activity in the country.Hence my need for this business 

preposition and to acquire these properties is very urgent as I am planning to move out of this country with my family down to your country. I want you to also help in 

finding a good home where my family and I will live in. (Mini Estate)Please I expect your good and prompt reply so that we can proceed swiftly.

I will need your phone and fax numbers for easier communication with you.

Please if you are not interested kindly delete the message.

Waiting your swift response

Warm Regards,

Mr.Bishop Speed 

 

 

Having just watched a Star Trek TOS episode -- my pet rock loves Star Trek TOS -- it occurred to me to have my character work a little of that in.  And a little Star Wars...and a little of whatever else came to mind:

 

 

With a lack of respect that's SOP in this phart of the world, I observe every protocols and usually misinterpret them exceptionally badly.  I am interested in establishing formal diplomatic relations with Aminiar 7, even thought they have been at war with nearby Vendekar for 300 years.  Granted, we here wonder WTF is worth warring over for 300 years, but after seeing the women on Aminiar 7 and the women on Vendekar -- Aminiar 7 got the Melania Trump look-alikes, while Vendekar got all the leftard-looking sea cows like Rosie O'Douchecanoe and Whoopi "Stay Outta My Batcave", along with all the really bad news sources like cnn and ms13nbc  -- it becomes sorta unnerstandable kinda why there's perpetual war there.

Hellary musta lost an election there, too.  I wonder if Russian bots knew where Vendekar was.

I do not know too well on how this is done in your country, because I watch cnn for past solar week and see nothing useful to learn from, so I  will need you to help me in this regard.  My prefer is any good opportunity to have sex with ocelot; I see stuffed version and think it very much like sock puppet badgers on my home planet of Hallucinogen 3, which I had to leave suddenly because some black clad dude wearing a loud CPAP blew it up with a big moon-looking spacecraft that was no moon.

Granted, he got his from his punk kid later, but I digress.

I will also need you to help me look up the word "twat waffle", because I cannot find it in the Random Over Intergalactic Dictionary for the Fainting Hearts.  If I didn't say that right, stew you...I think my spell pecker twerks like yours.

For a brief on my personality; my name is Mr.Bishop Speed, from the left-leaning planet Hallucinogen 3, currently playing a South African based in Turkey Istanbul which was once Constantinople and before that Byzantium and before that a rocky plain near water that dinosaurs crapped on without the benefit of toilet paper.  Don't know how they managed.

I am formally into kinky sex with sock puppet ocelots, I am 62  years of age, married to a Yugo tail pipe and have the genital burn marks to prove it.  I dropped my Shipping business because it wasn't producing profitable income:  when one considers the distance between Hallucinogen 3 and Aminiar 7 -- the Enterprise won't get there for a couple hundred years yet -- it became clear that I wasn't going to get there either, so Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock will have to settle the shit between Aminiar 7 and Vendekar their way.

I have had so much problems with the TURKISH Authority just because I am foreigner with ocelot sock puppet sex fetish and have the breath of genital warts, coupled with the corruption rate and recent terrorist activity that Occutard Antifa is waging on my home planet, it's a wonder if Lena Dunham get anyone interested in her genital void that runs from her ears to south.  Hence my need for this business preposition and to acquire dangling partinipples or whatever those things are that will allow me to move out of this hallucination and into one more like Taylor Swift, even if her t-shirts are fifty dollars and postage stamps are fifty cents. 

I want you to also help in finding a good therapist, because my last one ran screaming from the session when I told him I voted for Trump.

Please I expect your good and prompt reply so that we can proceed swiftly.

 

Please if you are not interested, kindly send this message to any planet you may or may not be in touch with.  Someone will want into this sh*t, I'm sure. 

Waiting your swift response 

Mr.Bishop Speed

mr.bishopspeed@yahoo.co.uk  

"Be vewy vewy quiet...I'm butt boinking stuffed ocewots...ahahahahaha"  

 

The good Bishop of Speed apparently decided that those were the droids he was looking for, too.  And was too embarrassed by his failure, to reply.

And I so looked forward to a dialogue.

"Did NOT!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"