Saturday, August 11, 2018

The Nigerian Police Farce Wants...Mooo?

I suspect that the police pictured h'yah are a tad more professional than the ones my character got an email from.

The Nigerian Police Force:  Safety, Ethics, Integrity...Not To Be Found H'yah.

Here's how they sprung their ploy on my character and yours truly:


  MIKE OKIRO CFR, NPM, fwc   

                                                        
       
                                            Inspector-General of Police 

                                             Federal Republic of Nigeria 

                                                                  THE NIGERIAN POLICE FORCE HEADQUARTERS 

                                                                                     55, ONIKAN LAGOS.

                                                                                 RELEASE GUARANTEE

 Contract Reg #:  ***FGN/CBN/201516.8/17*** 
Dear Jack Ewehoff,
This is to notify you that the assignment given to us from the Presidential board of trustee of the WORLD BANK GROUP AFRICA based on the release of the fund that has been delayed by some aspect of fraud caused by an impostor who claimed that you are dead has been corrected.
That immediately we received signal from the WORLD BANK GROUP AFRICA, we have arrested the impostor and he is presently here in our custody for proper interrogation.
However, the total amount of $16.8 Million United States Dollars based on interest added has been released on behalf of Jack Ewehoff in my present.
And that the fund is said to be released to you through an ATM card method or via an electronic wire transfer, every arrangements are made based on the security of this transaction and the funds will be release as soon as you have complied with the present scheduled plan.
 
That all proper processing of the funds was made in my presence and will be transferred without no fear of mind.
 
That if the WORLD BANK GROUP AFRICA should in any way failed to deliver / transfer the said amount of funds / winnings belonging to Jack Ewehoff as the rightful owner of this transaction, after the completion of all the legal requirements, legal action will be taking against them.
Contact the WORLD BANK GROUP AFRICA immediately and agree with the required ATM card activation fee costing $450 for the benefit of getting your account set's up and releasing your ATM card to you as soon as possible.
 
WORLD BANK GROUP:   deskworldbank@gmail.com

THIS INFORMATION IS SENT TO YOU AS A PROOF TO THE RELEASE OF THE FUND AS DIRECTED BY THE GOVERNMENT.
 

Regards.


YOU ARE SERIOUSLY WARNED THAT ANY EMAIL SENT TO YOU WITHOUT THE ABOVE CONTRACT REGISTRATION NUMBER SHOULD NOT TO BE REPLIED  


Giving me the business with professionalism.  Now we know where Car 54 is.

And now they know what email editing can do to an effort to give my character the business:




 MIKE OKIRO CFR, OMG, WTF   

                                                        
       
                                            Inspector-Genital of Police Farce

                                             Federal Republic of Nigeria 

                                                                  THE NIGERIAN POLICE FARCE HINDQUARTERS 
 

                                                                                     55, ONIKAN LAGOS.

                                                                                 
 Warrant #:  ***FGN/CBN/201516.8/17*** 
Dear Potential Arrestee,
This is to notify you that the assignment given to us from the Presidential board of trustee of the WORLD BLANK GROUP AFRICA has been delayed by some aspect of fraud caused by an impostor who claimed that you are dead and cause of your dead was determined to be a homogenizedside, which in Nigerian Police terminology is you was run over by a dairy cow.  

That immediately we received signal from the WORLD BLANK GROUP AFRICA, and we were immediately on the case, and we immediately have arrested the dairy cow for a series of mooo-ving violations and she is presently here in our custody for proper interrogation. 

However, since you'll note that you were allegedly runned down by a dairy cow, you must recognize that we are unable to levy a fine upon a dairy cow, for it has no tangible assets.  What is moooo-re, this dairy cow had no owner, so we are not able to assess a fine for assorted violations upon the owner of the dairy cow, or upon the dairy cow.  The alleged imposter, we come to find, was not such an imposter, since it was determined by our exhausted investigation that you were, in fact, made dead by virtue of being runned down by a dairy cow.  So we cannot arrest or fine the imposter, who wasn't as imposter as we originally assumed.  This leave us in a most peculiar position.
Thus, we are required to assess you, the deceased victim of dairy cow run down, with the fine for the actions of the dairy cow.  After all, if you hadn't been where the dairy cow was running down, you wouldn't have been runned down by said dairy cow.  And if you weren't where you could have this happen, it would not have happen.  So all fines and applicable fees associated with violations of Nigerian penile code by said party of the second part -- aka, dairy cow -- will be assessed to you, the party of the first part -- aka, deceased person in state of trampled -- and therefore you may have your next of kin make payment through an ATM card method or via an electronic wire transfer, or by sending us any virgins in your family, based on the VNA test we have secured that has passed mustard with our department here in Nigeria because we tested it in Hollywad on 100 starlets and found not one was a virgin.  All were apparently represented by Harvey Weinstein.
 That all proper processing of the fines and fees was rectumfied by our meth-addicted accountant here in Lagos, before his teeth fell out without no fear of mind.
 
Please note that if the WORLD BLANK GROUP AFRICA should in any way fail to receive your fines and fees, you will be exhumed and arrested for failure to adhere, and all legal action will be taking against you.  Along with having unspeakable things done to your corpse, of corpse.
Contact the WORLD BLANK GROUP AFRICA immediately and ask them what the fuckstick this is all about, then remit to us, the Nigerian Police Farce, your fine totaling $450 for the benefit of getting you out of jail with us and back to buried and deceased in your current state of affair as soon as possible.
 
WORLD BLANK GROUP:   deskworldbank@gmail.com

THIS INFORMATION IS SENT TO YOU AS A PROOF TO THE WORLD THAT WE OF THE NIGERIAN POLICE FARCE ARE A BUNCH OF SIX FINGERED TWAT WAFFLES OF DUBIOUS ANTECEDENCE AS DIRECTED BY THE GOVERNMENT.
 

Regards.


YOU ARE SERIOUSLY WARNED THAT ANY EMAIL SENT TO YOU WITHOUT THE ABOVE CONTRACT REGISTRATION NUMBER IS HORKUM SNOCKUS ADFALLOPIAN TUBE AND SHOULD NOT TO BE FIRED LIKE A MORTAR, BECAUSE THOSE KIND OF TUBES DON'T WORK THAT WAY. 


Apparently, the Nigerian Police Farce was not up to the exacting standards required to meet the challenge of this edit.
 
We didn't even get one "WTF?".
 

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