Tanks For Nothing

Well, this one's unique, sorta:  the person contacting my character claims to have lost her family in the Iraq War, when an American tank "shelled" their car.

Alrighty then.  Here's her ploy:


Dearest Beloved One

I have not considered this medium to be the best manner to have approached you of this issue being that the internet has been greatly abused over the recent years, I have decided to use this means seeing no other means could have been faster to reach you than the e-mail. My name is Mrs. Vivian Nasim, wife of late Salem Nasim, an Iraqi. Two years ago, I lost my husband Nasim and my three children - Husam, 15 years old ,Wasim, 12 years old and Merna, 6years old, this happened when American tank shelled our car as my family attempted to flee heavy fighting in Baghdad. View the Website below for detailed story of how I lost my family.http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/middle_east/04/vivians_story/html/1.stm

Before my husband and children were killed, he deposited the sum of £ 4.500,000.00 (Four Million, Five Hundred Thousand Great Britain Pounds) with a bank here in the UK, This is the only money remaining in the said account right now but that is not the major problem rather My Doctor told me in confidence that I would not last for the next three months due to cancer and other illness resulting from the shock of the loss of my family.

Having known my condition I decided to donate these funds to a church or better still a God fearing individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein, I want an individual that will use this fund for orphanages and Charity (Humanitarian) services. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband's relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband’s hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers; I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner.

It would have been better placed if the situation in my country permits me to give this money to my new Church, but due to the constant break down of law and order in my country that keep affecting Churches there from time to time, if I  do so I am not sure that any project this money will be invested will not be destroyed. I have to leave my country for London where I am taking treatment. and as soon as I concluded with handing over this money to some one my heart accepts, I will go back to my Country to Answer my last Call.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of my lawyer who will help you with all the legal documents that will back you up and also make you the original- beneficiary of the fund. Please assured me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Please you are advice to keep this confidential from eyes and ears of my husband's family as I hope to hear from you soon.

Pray for me as well and may God bless you as you accept to be of help. Please reply if you have accepted to be of help to me.

Regards,

Mrs. Vivian Nasim  


So she combines at least three different templates I've seen, to make one long sob story that my character is supposed to buy.


*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*


She shoulda tried some focus group review first.


But that's okay...it's edit time:

From: Mrs. Vivian Nasim< chineduchidos4real@yahoo.com>
Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2018 10:38 AM
Subject: Things Not To Do While Fleeing Baghdad 

Dearest Beloved, we are gathered he...er...oops, wrong template.

I have not considered this medium to be the best manure to have approached you of this issue being that the internet has been greatly abused over the recent years and people like me have make it so.  Still, I have decided to use this means seeing no other means could have been faster to reach you than the e-mail.  My name is Mrs. Vivian Nasim, wife of late Salem Nasim, an Iraqi of Liechtensteinian descent.  Two years ago, I lost Nasim and my three goats - Husam, 15 years old ,Wasim, 12 years old and Merna, 6years old - when an American tank shelled our car as my family attempted to flee heavy fighting in Baghdad.

I told Nasim that it probably wasn't a good idea to drive between the lines during an armored fight, but Nasim, would HE listen???  Nooooo...he say "No one gonna shoot up a Yugo full of goats".  I bet him fifty Iraqi dinars.

Blam...*POOF*...he still owes me, the blown-apart bastard.

Before my husband and goats were killed, I had written an article for the Baghdad Times entitled, "Things Not To Do While Fleeing Baghdad".  The local magazine Allah's Full of Shiite had offered to deposit the sum of £ 4.500,000.00 (Four Million, Five Hundred Thousand Great Britain Pounds) with a bank here in the UK for this article, but I was dodging Yugo parts and hubcaps before we could get out of Baghdad and to an ATM to verify the transfer.

And I have used up my late husband's souvenir laminated quail dung tie clasp collection, this being the only money remaining in the said account right now but that is not the major problem;  rather My Doctor told me in confidence that I was being turned over to collections for unpaid medical bills related to watching a Yugo go *POOF* and seeing my goats go six ways from Sunday. 

So many things not to do while fleeing Baghdad.

Having known my condition I decided to send out ships to all corners of the Earth.  On board were The Twelve:  the douche nozzle, the jack wagon, the twat goblin, the douche canoe and the other geeawds of legends tho' in certain red light districts in Baghdad, geeawds they were.  And if you caught them at the right time, they'd sell you genuine hen's teeth from a rare chicken out of Arkansas.  The story was, if the chicken left Arkansas, the teeth fell out.  I have a bag of them with no chickens attached, so I guess that's right. 

Someone else tried to tell me it was Minute Rice...bah.

I am looking for a good, inflatable Hellary-fearing person of dubious antecedence and marginal hygiene with which to attempt a sexual position Dr. Ruth recommended before she went totally whackingdoodles of dandies.  I want an individual that will use this fund for an inactive effort to draft Orpah Batfry to run for precedents on 2020 against Diane Sawyer.  I took this decision because I don't have any goats that will inherit anything after the "frog in a blender" experience mine had with a 105mm HEAT round.

Didn't do the Yugo a lick of good either.

It would have been better placed if we had left on camels, but due to the constant break down of law and order in my country and that in democrap-controlled places in yours, I am not sure that any method would have kept this from being put on a cable TV show to rival such idiocy as Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo. I have to leave my country for London where I am taking treatment for painful rectal goat hoof -- I told you that they went six ways from Sunday -- and as soon as I concluded with getting that pesky thing removed, I'm going to have plastic surgery to make me look like Taylor Swift because her t-shirts cost the COTR producer $50, and no one is going to pay that for t-shirts of me when I look like Nancy Bela Pelosi after a botox tsunami caught her broadside during a presser.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of my lawyer who will help you with all the legal documents that I doubt will keep you from getting sued for consterpation with a manure, something civil I read about during listening to a libtard TV show and listening to Joy Reid try to out Jim Acosta Jim Acosta in the abject stupid department.

Wowser.   Pray for me as the current anti-hallucinogens I'm on aren't working.

Regards,

Mrs. Vivian Nasim

---

I was sure that the scammer would write back at least once to inquire about the hen's teeth...