Saturday, July 21, 2018

More Eating Ambassadors

S. Stuart Symington hasn't yet had enough of being eaten by his Nigerian hosts, I guess.

He keeps writing to me as the former, current and new US ambassador to Nigeria.

And he insists he has money for me from there.

Here again, the 'ambassador' and his schtick:


OFFICE OF THE NEW UNITED STATES AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA,
ABUJA, NIGERIA.

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY,

I SHALL BE COMING TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR AN OFFICIAL MEETING ON THURSDAY  AND I WILL BE BRINGING YOUR FUNDS OF $20.5M ALONG WITH ME BUT THIS  TIME I WILL NOT GO THROUGH CUSTOMS BECAUSE AS AN AMBASSADOR TO  NIGERIA, I AM A US GOVERNMENT AGENT AND I HAVE THE VETO POWER TO GO  THROUGH CUSTOMS. AS SOON AS I AM THROUGH WITH THE MEETING I SHALL THEN  PROCEED TO YOUR ADDRESS. (SEND YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER AND THE ADDRESS  WHERE YOU WANT ME TO BRING THE PACKAGE).


YOU HAVE REALLY PAID SO MUCH IN THIS DELIVERY THAT MAKES ME WONDER.   YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY PERSON BECAUSE I SHALL BE BRINGING IT MYSELF AND  THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT. CHECK HERE:
http://nigeria.usembassy.gov/biography.html YOUR PACKAGE($20.5M) MUST
BE REGISTERED AS AN AMBASSADORIAL PACKAGE FOR ME TO DEFEAT ALL ODDS  AND THE COST OF REGISTERING IT IS $200.THE FEE MUST BE PAID VIA
WESTERN UNION OR MONEYGRAM SO THAT ALL NECESSARY ARRANGEMENT CAN BE  MADE BEFORE TIME WILL BE AGAINST US.

AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE FEE MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE PAYMENT
INFORMATION. MY FLIGHT IS THURSDAY AND I EXPECT YOU TO COMPLY BEFORE  THEN SO THAT THE DELIVERY CAN BE COMPLETED. IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY, THEN  IT WILL NOT BE MY FAULT IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR PACKAGE.

Tell: +234-9066 006 193

AMBASSADOR STUART SYMINGTON,
US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA  



Some of the wording changes, but never the basic template or ploy.  This time, he only wants $200 dollars.  Only.


My character will do him one better:

From: AMBASSADOR STUART SYMINGTON <mr.mikraig33@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, June 28, 2018 12:36 PM
Subject: OFFICE OF THE NEWLY EATEN UNITED STATES AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA  
--
OFFICE OF THE NEWLY EATEN UNITED STATES AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA
ABUJA, NIGERIA.

ATTENTION:
IF YOU HAVE ANY SPARE PEPTO-DISMAL FOR THE NIGERIANS THAT ATE ME,
THEY'D APPRECIATE IT.  I'VE GIVEN THEM SOME RATHER GNARLY GAS.

I SHAN'T BE COMING TO MY FORMER COUNTRY FOR AN OFFICIAL MEETING ON THURSDAY
BECAUSE THE NIGERIANS ATE ME AT A GALA FETE THAT I MISTAKENLY THOUGHT I WAS
THE GUEST OF HONOR AT...INSTEAD, I WAS THE MAIN COURSE.
PERSONALLY, I THINK THEY'D OF DONE BETTER WITH ROAST PIG AND TURKEY.
I WON'T BE GOING THROUGH CUSTOMS BECAUSE AS A CONSUMED AMBASSADOR TO
NIGERIA, I AM NO LONGER A US GOVERNMENT AGENT; WHAT THEY DON'T DIGEST OF
ME WILL BE COMING OUT THEIR POOPHOLES A DAY LATER, AND THAT WILL ONLY
QUALIFY WHAT'S LEFT OF ME AS DEFECATED BIOHAZARD.
EXCEPT IN KALIFORLORNIA....THERE IT MAKES ME A DEMOCRAP VOTER.
 YOU HAVEN'T REALLY PAID SO MUCH ATTENTION TO THIS THAT MAKES ME WONDER.
WOULD YOU HAVE COOKED AND EATEN ME TOO?  HELLARY CLINTON PROBABLY WOULD
HAVE; SHE HAS A DOCUMENTED HABIT OF NOT GIVING A SH*T ABOUT AMERICAN
AMBASSADORS TO AFRICA.  REMEMBER LIBYA?
UH HUH.
YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY PERSON BECAUSE I WAS SELECTED AS THE HORS D'OEUVRE TO
NIGERIA AND YOU WEREN'T.
AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE FEE...OH DIDN'T I MENTION A FEE?  WELL, FALLOPIAN F**KSTICK, I KNOWD I FORGOT SOMETHING.  IT DOESN'T HELP THAT THEY ATE MY BRAIN.
I NEED $200 TO PAY A NIGERIAN WITCH DOCTOR TO SEE IF HE CAN MAKE ME WHOLE AFTER
HIS COUNTRYMEN ATE ME.  OBVIOUSLY I DON'T HAVE $200 IN MY CURRENT STATE; PERHAPS YOU DO.
SEND IT TO ME SO I CAN QUIT SMELLING THE DIGESTIVE TRACT OF A BUNCH OF ANTECENDENTALLY DUBIOUS NIGERIANS.
DO THAT, AND I'LL GET YOU SOME COUPONS FOR TACO BELL OR SOMETHING.
Tell: +234-9066 006 193

FROM THE DESK OF
THE EATEN FORMER AMBASSADOR STUART SYMINGTON,
CONSUMED IN NIGERIA, BY NIGERIANS
 
 
This response didn't get me any more correspondence from the recently eaten ambassador.  It did get me a *face palm* from my pet rock, Seymour.  He's getting pretty good at those, hanging around me.



 

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