Another Scam Pastor To Pasture

Fake pastors are ever' where.  Especially online.

2018 sees no change in that.

Like this one:

GREETINGS IN THE NAME OF THE LORD ALMIGHTY AND OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST
THE GIVER OF EVERY GOOD THING.

GRACE TO YOU AND PEACE FROM GOD OUR FATHER AND THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.

FIRST LET ME START BY INTRODUCING MYSELF. I AM (REV. NICHOLAS AKUNNE).
THE PUBLISHER OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS IN HIS MIGHTINESS GLOBAL
MINISTRY. WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE THE CALLING FROM THE LORD
TO HELP THOSE WHO ARE IN NEED AND IN FINANCIAL PROBLEM, BY GIVEN OUT
LOAN TO ANY, INDIVIDUAL, COMPANY'S AND SOCIETY THAT NEED MONEY TO DO
BUSINESS.

THE AMOUNT OF THE LOAN HAS BEEN SIGNED AND APPROVED BY THE CHURCH
COMMITTEE THE SUM OF US$20,000.00 (TWENTY THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS). WHICH
YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO LOAN. BUT YOU ARE TO RETURN THE LOAN WHICH
IS GRANTED TO YOU IN (ONE). YEARS AGREEMENT. INTEREST RATE: IN THE
LOAN WE OFFER IS 1% INTEREST RATE.

WE ARE GIVING A MAXIMUM DURATION OF (ONE) YEARS TO THE LOAN SEEKER SO
THAT HE /SHE WILL BE ABLE TO REPAY THE LOAN WITHIN THAT PERIOD. I
DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW TONIGHT
THAT GOD FAVOR HAVE LOCATED YOU!


THE LORD HEAR YOU IN THE DAY OF TROUBLE" THE NAME OF THE GOD OF JACOB
DEFEND THEE SEND THEE HELP FROM THE SANCTUARY; AND STRENGTHEN THEE OUT
OF ZION.I SAY MORE HELP IS COMING; MORE HELP IS COMING YOUR WAY SOONER
THAT YOU EXPECT. I MEAN DIVINE HELP. HEAVEN IS ABOUT TO RESPOND TO
YOUR CALL.

(1). IT DOES NOT MATTER THE COMPLEXITY OF THAT PROBLEM.
(2). IT DOES NOT MATTER THE MULTIPLICITY OF THE ISSUES TROUBLING YOU.
(3). IT DOES NOT MATTER THE INTENSITY OF THE PRESSURE AND TENSION IN YOUR LIFE.

MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, THE LOVE OF GOD, AND THE
FELLOWSHIP OF THE HOLY SPIRIT BE WITH YOU AND THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED KINDLY GET BACK TO US ASAP THROUGH OUR PRIVATE
EMAIL ADDRESS: rev.nicholasakunne@gmail.com

MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, THE LOVE OF GOD, AND THE
FELLOWSHIP OF THE HOLY SPIRIT BE WITH YOU AND THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY.

STAY BLESSED.

REV. NICHOLAS AKUNNE  

Wahl bless 'is heart...he wants to loan me money.  *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

Let's see how he copes with a wee bit of edit:

GREETINGS IN THE NAME OF A COKE BOTTLE FROM HAROLD, WHO BE THY NAME,
THE GIVER OF EVERY INFECTIOUS THING.

 GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY GRACE TO YOU AND PIECE FROM 1-900-V-PUSSY-HO

FROM OUR LOCAL BROTHEL.

FIRST LET ME START BY INTROGOOSING MYSELF BECAUSE IT FEEL SO GOOD, IT COULDN'T

BE REAL....WHOOOOOOOOOOOO... I AM (REV. NICHOLAS AKUNNE).
THE PUBLISHER OF THE CHURCH OF THE IMMATULATE COSMIC HORK

IN HIS MIGHTINESS GLOBULAR MINISTRY. WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE THE

CALLING FROM A YAK HERD IN SIBERIA TO HELP THOSE WHO ARE IN NEED OF THE GNARLIEST

HAIRBALLS ON THE PLANET SINCE THE ABSENCE OF THE WOOLY BULLY MADE IT SO.

 FROM THE GOLDEN COW UDDER OF HER MAGISTRATE THE LORDESS OF THE BUFFALO

WINGS, WE ARE GIVING A MAXIMUM DURATION OF ONE YEAR TO THOSE OF FALLEN

ARCHES TO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW

TONIGHT THAT A GOAT BAPHOMET IN THE HOUSE OF NIGERIAN ILLUMINATI HAS

MASTURBATED WITH A PELICAN AND HAVE FOUND FAVOR WITH ANY ANAL BOIL

THAT LOOKS REMOTELY LIKE YOU! 

 THIS FALSE DEITY HEAR YOU IN THE DAY OF TROUBLE" THE NAME OF THE COKE

BOTTLE OF JOHN JACOB DINGLEPHUCKER SMITH TO DEFEND AGAINST THEE SEND

THEE HELP FROM AN OUTHOUSE SANCTUARY; AND PURGE THEE WITH A FIRE HOSE

I SAY MORE HELP IS COMING; STILL MORE HELP IS BREATHING HARD YOUR WAY SOONER
THAT YOU EXPECT. 

A TRIBE OF NIGERIAN GOSSAMER CHIA PETS WILL ANSWER YOUR CALL.

(1). IT DOES NOT MATTER THE COMPLEXITY OF THAT PROBLEM.
(2). IT DOES NOT MATTER THE MULTIPLICITY OF THE ISSUES TROUBLING YOU.
(3). IT DOES NOT MATTER THE INTENSITY OF THE PRESSURE AND TENSION IN YOUR LIFE.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS SEX AND FOOTBALL.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED KINDLY GET BACK TO US ASAP THROUGH OUR PRIMATE
EMAIL ADDRESS: rev.nicholasakunne@gmail.com

WITH LUCK, OUR PRIMATE WON'T DESTROY THE CPU BEFORE WE GET TO SEE

THE MESSAGE.

 STAY BLESSED WHEN YOU SNEEZE, CUZ WE GOTS NOTHING ELSE TO OFFER HERE.

REV. NICHOLAS AKUNNE  

 

 

Ol' Rev, he decides fer hisself that he doesn't like what I dun to his song, Ma:

 

 

Greetings in the name of the lord almighty and our lord Jesus Christ.

What do you mean by scammers i am a Rev. and i can never use the name
of Lord in Vain if you don't need the loan kindly say so.

I acknowledge the receipt of your email and the contents were fully understood.  

 

 

Apparently not on the latter...but you can try, try, try again.  Perhaps you can up your offer.  Yes, that might be worth a percent to see you do that.  *Jeopardy Theme whilst you're upping it*  

 

 

go away  

 

 

Awwwww, wassamatta Rev?  Hit you between your goat head baphomet did I?  

 

 

He didn't have a prayer of putting my character on or pulling this off.  He can always try for a cable channel...