Uranus Is Not Immune

In some places, scammers seem to be infinite.

Perhaps even here...on Uranus.

Well...maybe only in an edited scam email.

Over the years, I've heard from some clown to fronts for/represents himself to be Edward Kong.  Probably no relation to King, except perhaps as his intellectually weaker sibling.

Here's the latest Kong mail I received:


My name is Mr. Ronald H. Waters, I am a 58 year old US citizen, I reside here
in Florida. My residential address is as follows 8045 NW 71 Court Tamarac
Florida 33321 USA. I am one of those that took part in the Compensation many
years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $64,000 trying to get my
payment all to no avail.

So I decided to travel to Washington D.C with all of my compensation/winning documents, and I was directed by the FBI Director to contact Special Agent Attorney Edward Kong, who is a Special Agent of the FBI that leads the Compensation/winning Department, working with the Interpol Police,Indonesia, Brazil, Russia, London, Asia, Specially CHINA, U.S.A, Nigeria, Benin and many other countries Government. I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through email to claim our winning both Delivery are frauds

He directed me to the Claims Department for my capitalized payment.Right now I
am the happiest man on earth because I have received my compensation/winning funds of $1.5 Million US Dollars.Special Agent Edward Kong showed me the full
information of some others that are yet to receive their payments and I saw
your name, address as one of the beneficiaries, and also your email address.

This is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people as they
are not in possession of your funds, and they are only making money off you. I
will advise you to contact Special Agent Edward Kong. You have to
contact him directly on this information below.

(Claims Department)
Barr. Edward Kong (Principal Attorney)
Accredited Specialist Family Lawyer
Solicitor (England and Wales, 1992)
Email: (edwardkong0123@yahoo.com)
Edward Kong Special Adviser

Finally you really have to stop dealing with these people that are contacting
you and telling you that your funds are with them, it is not in anyway with
them, they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you
have nothing. The only money I paid after I met Special Agent Attorney Edward
Kong was just $550 for the paper works, take note of that. Once again stop contacting those people, I will advise you to contact
Special Agent Attorney.Edward Kong so that he can help you to deliver your fund
instead of dealing with those liars that will be turning you around asking for
different kind of money to complete your transaction. Thanks remain Bless  


Ah, yes...the old "I got scammed until I met Edward Kong" ploy.

Well, the edit took a definitive turn toward Uranus for reasons that will shortly become apparent:


Well, sh*t:

My name is Mr. Ronald H. Waters, I am a 58 year old citizen of the settlement of Polyp, Uranus.  I am one of several thousand that space aliens hijacked, took to their planet, and forced to appear on an alien talk show, akin to Geraldo Riveratoid or some such.  Then they shipped us to this planetary gulag on Uranus, and here we sit all broken hearted, since we tried to sh*t and only farted.  Though farting can be kinda fun in zero gravity, long as there aren't breakables around.

 I am one of those abject dumb asses that frequents an internet café here in Polyp that took part in the Compensation many years ago from African swindlers and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $64,000 trying to get my payment all to no avail.  Am I a sandpoundingly stupid dumb ass or what?

So I decided to send an email to Washington D.C with all of my compensation/winning documents, and I was directed by the twat waffle at the DNC switchboard to contact Special Agent Attorney Edward Kong, a plunger lipped zipper head of dubious antecedence and known sodomizer of knot holes in trees and komodo dragons.  He's been investigated by Interpol Police, Indonesia, Brazil, Russia, London, Asia, Specially CHINA, U.S.A, Nigeria, Benin and many other countries Government, but only those run by degenerate lefties have given him a four scar rating as a certified douche canoe and just their kinda person. I contacted him and he explained everything to me in Azerbaijani, which I do not sprechen. He said whoever I am talking to at that moment are frauds.

He was the only one in the email conversation I was having sprechen with.  Hmmm.

He directed me to the DNC Victims Claims Department for my categorization as a victim of white privilege, Donald Trump, anything conservative, et al.  Right now I am the most miserable man on Uranus because I have received via hyper mail my compensation which consisted of Hellary Clinton's book "It Was My Turn -- How Everyone And Everything But Me Lost Me The Election", an inflatable sex toy Hellary that leaks, squeaks, cackles and bitches constantly, and selected recordings of various screechy leftist politicians from the DNC that cannot be turned off.

W...T...F...

This is why I decided to email you...since misery loves company, I'm sending the alien bastards that brought me h'yah to fetch you from th'yah and bring you h'yah, so you too can sit in this cosmic sh*thole and lose money to African swindlers just like I did.  And this genital wart Special Agent Edward Kong is just the f**kwad to help that happen. You have to contact him directly on this information below.

(Lies And Fraud Department)
Barr. Edward Kong (Principal F**kheaded Attorney)
Accredited Specialist Defrauding of Clients Lawyer
Solicitor (England, Whales, Suckers and other Fish, 2017)
Email: (edwardkong0123@yahoo.com)
Edward Kong Special F**kheaded Adviser

Finally you really have to stop dealing with people that are contacting you and telling you that your funds are with them -- especially when they're people like me -- because they always forward you to f**king morons like Special Agent Attorney Edward Kong, who will try to soak you for $550, take note of that.

Once again stop contacting those people like me and f**k faces like Special Agent Attorney Edward Kong so that you can avoid winding up in a foul smelling internet café in a Uranus gulag where the locals look like octopus bodies topped by Lean Dunham's ass for a head.  

Ronald Waters,

a 58 year old citizen of Polyp, Uranus
ronaldwater01@gmail.com

 

I heard from neither Ronald nor Edward again.  And my pet rock, Seymour, prays that I never hear from the alien-like butt headed Lena Dunham, either.