Wasting Away In Buffettville

At least the scam did.

Regardless...my character can now say that he's 'heard' from Warren Buffett...knowing full well that he ain't really.

Butfett, here's how it all began:


Am Strandberg Birthe the Accountant to (Warren Buffett Foundation)Warren Buffett Foundation picked you for a $1,500,000 donation.For more details contact Warren Buffett Foundation email:warren.bb@aim.com  


So let me get this straight:  a world multi-billionaire throws me a measly $1.5 million dollar bone, and I'm supposed to get excited about that?  What a cheeseball.  


And you mighta thought that it'd end there, right?  Well, ol' Warren didn't achieve all that he has without persistence.  Neither do scammers:


MR WARREN AND MY WIFE SUSAN BUFFETT
Date 14-04-2017.
Dear Jack Ewehoff ,
Thank you for responding to my email.
It is my pleasure to inform you that you have been gifted $1,500,000.00 United States Dollars donation fund.
I hope this information meet you well as I know you will be curious to know why/how I selected you to receive a cash sum of $1,500,000.00 United States Dollars, our information below is 100% legitimate, please see the link below: http://articles.latimes.com/…/la-fi-mo-warren-buffett-gates…
My wife and I decided to donate the sum of $1,500,000.00 United States Dollars to you as part of our charity project to improve the lot of 10 lucky individuals all over the world from our $12 Billion United States Dollars I and My Wife Mapped out to help people before she died.
We prayed and searched over the internet for assistance because i saw your profile on Microsoft email owners list and picked you. Susan my wife and i have decided to make sure this is put on the internet for the world to see. my wife has cancer and she died at colchester regional hospital, my wife just didn't die but she was a great person and I miss her so much and this is why I have decided to do one thing i promised her forever. as you could see from the webpage above, am not getting any younger and you can imagine having no much time to live. although am a Billionaire investor and we have helped some charity organizations from our Fund.
You see after taken care of the needs of our immediate family members, Before she died we decided to donate the remaining of our Billions to other individuals around the world in need, the local fire department, the red cross, Haiti, hospitals in truro where Susan underwent her cancer treatment, and some other organizations in Asia and Europe that fight cancer, alzheimer's and diabetes and the bulk of the funds deposited with our payout bank of this charity donation. we have kept just 40% of the entire sum to our self for the remaining days because i am sick and am writing you from hospital computer because i don't know when i will die.
To facilitate the payment process of the funds ($1,500,000.00 United States Dollars) which have been donated solely to you, you are to send us
your full names.................
your contact address................
your personal telephone number...............
so that i can forward your payment information to you immediately. I am hoping that you will be able to use the money wisely and judiciously over there in your country. please you have to do your part to also alleviate the level of poverty in your region, help as many you can help once you have this money in your personal account because that is the only objective of donating this money to you in the first place.
I like to re-assure you of the legitimacy of this services as we will not be involved in any fraudulent act and will never be. use the money wisely, we only want to feel good by helping people this time of the year, this is the only thing that makes my wife happy too even now that she is not here with me any more, we have too much to give away as I only have few months left on earth. I will advise as you as the prospective lucky Person to be calm not to loose this great opportunity which millions of people are trying to entangled but the chances just couldn't come for them because a lot of people are out there to discourage them as they don't know how it works, and have never seen such before.
Thank you for accepting our offer, we are indeed grateful You Can Google my name for more information: Mr Warren Buffett.
God bless you.
Warren Buffett.  

And from h'yah, we begin a downward spiral:


Are you REALLY Mr. Buffett, or just a cheap knock off?  


You should not underestimate anybody's intelligence that you have not met.. This world is full of Thieves and low lives and unfortunately those people have made it difficult for anyone to trust anyone... and unfortunately words through emails can't prove anything about anyone.We Have not met. And I am not too proud to say that you would be lucky to have me as a friend. God bless you as you take your time to reflect and let me know if my donation will not be needed neither for you nor members of your entire family and community.
Warren Buffett.  

If you are, indeed, Mr. Buffett, you have a very good point with your opening response; that said, you should also remember to apply that opening response to those you contact via email.   Underestimating the intelligence of those you email but have not met is not a wise thing for you to do, either.    If we have this established as the foundation of a basis of understanding, we can avoid wasting away in Margaritaville and perhaps arrive at an understanding and arrangement. Yes?  

What is this about Margaritaville? What is the meaning?  


You sang about it...WTF don't you bother to pay attention to what you're cutting records on?  


There is apparent a misunderstand here that you are not getting. We have sent a mail to you to send full information so that you can be verified i you are the true beneficiary and you will be called upon by your number . Thanks for understand.  


Would cheeseburger with parasites jog your mammory better?  

Mr. Jack, are you a serious person?  

Rarely but I do have my moments. Had one in 2003. That soon enough?  


The Warren buffett foundation only deal with serious peoples.  Never mind.  


I rather thought I'd been contacted by Harvest House Buffet here.  April Fools is on the first, dudes.  What's on second.   I don't know...Third Base!

Needless to say, my character will be getting no $1.5 Million USD from Warren Buffett.  Nor a cheeseburger with parasites.  Nor a two for one Harvest House special...which disappoints my pet rock, Seymour.

"You muffed getting a twofer??? PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"