Thursday, July 6, 2017

Forget Between The Lines

Scammers should try reading THE lines in any reply.

Then again, what fun would that be?

Take our latest illiterate scammer, Mr. Graham Picken:

I've a proposal that requires your trust,transparency & urgent response.Pls email me  

Transparency?  Eh:

An xray can see through me, if that's transparent enough.  

To so many scammers, it isn't what you say in's that you replied at all:

Hello again,

My name is Graham Picken, of Unity Trust Bank (UK) I am responsible
for managing private client portfolios, including trusts, charities
and pension funds, I am contacting you regarding one of our clients,
whose names I cannot divulge now died in a car crash with his
immediate family on 5th of Nov 2001. Until his death our client had
operated an investment account with us for over an 8 year period
valued at eighteen million United States dollars ($18, 000, 000, 00).

I respectfully would ask that you keep the contents of this mail
confidential and respect the integrity of any information you come
across as a result of this mail. I was in charge of this department
for 8 years and to the best of my knowledge, I carried out my duties
with equity.

In the process of reviewing our financial report by my department, I
discovered that both of you have a similar last name; So I decided to
contact you and give you further information about my purpose and how
to disburse the funds and assets he left behind. My proposal; you
share the same surname with our client; I am prepared to place you in
a position to instruct my Bank to release the deposit to you as the
next of kin to our client. After receiving the deposit, We can now
split the money into two equal parts,50% for you and 50% for me. To
carry out this process I will simply nominate you as the next of kin
and have them release the funds to you. However, I humbly ask that if
you are interested then let me know so I can start processing all the
documentations required to move forward but if you are not then do not
destroy this opportunity for me, if you will not work with me let me
know and let me move on with my life, I am a family man with a wife
and children and strong family values but like every business oriented
person I cannot sit down and allow this opportunity pass me by. This
is an opportunity to provide my family with new opportunities.

There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth
undertaking. Please, again, note I am a family man; I know within me
that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and Wealth
does not come easy or on a platter of gold. This is truth that I have
learned from all my years as an investment banker. Do not betray my
trust and if we can be of one mind, we must act quickly to this.

Graham Picken  

Okaayyyyy.  My pet rock, Seymour, urged me to edit his reply since he didn't read mine.  Asked and answered:

From: Graham Nose Picken <>
Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2017 6:15 AM
To: flamebroiledf**
Hello again, hello.
Just emailed to say...hello.
I'm full of sh*t and you know that,
despite this word..hello.
-- Graham Nose Pickens, from his album Madonna I Voted For Hellary, Where's My Blow Job?

My name is Graham Nose Picken, of the offices of Disunity Bust Bank (UK) I am responsible for the wrong envelope at the Oscars the other day and I am responsible for loads of other sh*t too.  Today, I am responsible for mismanaging primate clitoria fortpolios, including busts, cherries and penchants for genital fungus.  I am contacting you because this big ugly enforcer named Ogun is standing behind me with a taser eagerly awaiting the moment I take a break from writing and sending this sh*t to finger my butt hole 'cuz it's the only pleasure I get in life.

Regarding this email, whose names I cannot remember now because the committee is in the back of this fly infested internet cafe, trying to figure out whose name they're going to use today; I just know that the template we got from cnn says that they died in a car crash with his immediate family on 5th of Nov 2016.  That's what an unschooled, unskilled family of non-drivers does when getting behind the reins of an ox driven manure cart and plays bumper car with one of those smart car things. 
Until his death our client was a failure at raising three peckered goats and selling them to ewe convents to liven things up.  It cost him a sh*t wad of West African francs, worth about eighteen United States dollars ($18).

I respectfully would ask that you don't keep the contents of this mail confidential; I need it to be sent as far and wide as possible.  As for any information you may come by in this deal, f**k any notion of integrity therein; I have none.  My record album above makes that abundantly clear.  

There is a reward for this project:  I get the equivalent of $5 USD and a gift card to a Walmart that is being replenished after islamofascists looted it when they scheduled a riot because they could last week and the Swedes were accommodating enough to throw in free Tic Tacs for every aisle looted.  Please, again, note I am an abject piece of sh*t from the Third World that hasn't worked an honest job in my pathetic life.   I know within me that nothing good is going to come from me getting a real job; the other scammers here will pillage my goats and rape my waffle iron, if I ever get one and figure out what it does and how it does it.  Wealth does not come easy or on a platter of fried green piranha genitals with garlic sauce.  This is truth that I have learned that leaves me wondering about the schooling I got from the zen philosopher DunceCap who often doubles as some weird ass nipplehead named Chuck Schumer.  If you choose to betray my trust, please rat me out to Bela Pelosi; she can include an inflatable version of Hellary Clinton in the gallery at the US House of Representatives during the president's speech and everyone watching on TV can giggle while it squeakily leaks and Bela has to keep reinflating it.

Even I'd watch that.

Graham Nose Picken
Ol' Graham musta read and understood that:
if you not interested why bother me like this?  
You weren't doing anything else useful.  
stop writing.  
Why?  You aren't doing anything else useful.  
shut up and leave  
I'm not talking.  I'm emailing.  Your level of comprehension demonstrates a distinct lack of the ability to differentiate.  How else can I be of service since you aren't doing anything else useful?  
He didn't want to play with me no mores after that.  A pity, too:  he wasn't doing anything else useful...

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Blogger Sandee said...

I love their responses. You don't often get them to engage you. This one didn't even use profanity.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. ☺

06 July, 2017 08:01  

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