Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Bill, Melinda & Me

Awwwwww.  Ain't that nice.

Out of all the billyuns and billyuns of folks on this h'yar orb, Bill and Melinda Gates have selected my character -- along with 9 other assorted sots -- to receive a tad of their largess.

Take a look:

Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation <"www."@eos.ocn.ne.jp>


Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation <"www."@eos.ocn.ne.jp>
   

CHARITABLE DONATIONS

You have been gifted $5 MILLION USD From Mr Bill Gates. Contact me at this email for your claim: detectivesuc@yahoo.com

I hope this information meet you well as I know you will be curious to know why/how I selected you to receive a sum of $5,000,000,00 USD, our information below is 100% legitimate, please see the link below:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Bill_%26_Melinda_Gates_ Foundation

I BILL GATES and my wife decided to donate the sum of $5,000,000,00 USD to you as part of our charity project to improve the 10 lucky individuals all over the world from our $65 Billion Usd I and My Wife Mapped out to help people. We prayed and searched over the internet for assistance and i saw your profile on Microsoft email owners list and picked you. Melinda my wife and i have decided to make sure this is put on the internet for the world to see. as you could see from the webpage above,am not getting any younger and you can imagine having no much time to live. although am a Billionaire investor and we have helped some charity organizations from our Fund.

You see after taken care of the needs of our immediate family members, Before we die we decided to donate the remaining of our Billions to other individuals around the world in need, the local fire department, the red cross, Haiti, hospitals in truro where Melinda underwent her cancer treatment, and some other organizations in Asia and Europe that fight cancer, alzheimer's and diabetes and the bulk of the funds deposited with our payout bank of this charity donation. we have kept just 30% of the entire sum to our self for the remaining days because i am no longer strong am sick and am writing you from hospital computer.and me and my wife will be traveling to
Germany for Treatment.

To facilitate the payment process of the funds ($5,000,000.00 USD) which have been donated solely to you, you are to send us

your full names.................
your contact address................
your personal telephone number...............
Send the above details to this email: detectivesuc@yahoo.com
so that i can forward your payment information to you immediately. I am hoping that you will be able to use the money wisely and judiciously over there in your City. please you have to do your part to also alleviate the level of poverty in your region, help as many you can help once you have this money in your personal account because that is the only objective of donating this money to you in the first place.

Thank you for accepting our offer, we are indeed grateful You Can Google my name for more information: Mr Bill Gates or Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

Remain Blessed

Regards
Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation  
 
 
Isn't that precious?  And fraudulent as all get out. 
 
I'm sure that my character's response won't go too far beyond the original intent of this email.  Or then again, it might:
 
 
From: Pill & Malignant Grates Foundation <"www."@eos.ocn.ne.jp>
Sent: Friday, May 5, 2017 7:58 AM
Subject: Pill & Malignant Grates Foundation
 
CHARIOT DONATIONS

You have been gifted a replicated 180 AD chariot believed to have been used in the movie Glad He Ate Her, courtesy of Mr. Pill Grates. Contact me at this email for your claim: detectivesuc@yahoo.com

I hope this information meet you well as I know you will be curious to know why/how I selected you to receive a replicated chariot circa 180 AD that was purportedly used in the aforementioned movie.  Our  information below is 100% illegitimate and infested with Tuscan crotch crickets.
 

I PILL GRATES and my wench decided to donate some replicated used chariots from the 180 AD error that saw depiction in the movie Glad He Ate Her, starring Crussell Rowe and some derelicts we scrounged up on Hollyweird back lots, as part of our parody project to do nothing substantive for 10 sucky individuals all over the world. 
 
 
  We picked this movie from all the ones we could have used because Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor sucked, and Team America World Police already did a song about that fact.  We prayed and searched over the internet for abject nippleheads like you and after I saw your profile on Microsoft email owners list, I knowd I found the most nippled of heads out there.  Malignant my wife and i have decided to make sure this is put on the internet for the world to see. 

After having shunned the needs of our immediate family members -- ingrates all -- and before we die of something like painful rectal itch, we decided to donate the remaining of our Billions to other individuals around the world in need.  Which has nothing to do with you; that's why we're giving you a movie prop from a Roman era movie that sounds like a smut movie by the title. 

Don't knock it; Haiti got t-shirts from Hellary's f**ked up 2016 crimepaign.  You're better off.

To facilitate the delivery process of the broken down Hollyweird movie prop chariot -- we were going to tell you that it was from Ben Hur, but decided on Glad He Ate Her instead -- you are to send us

your full names.................
your contact address................
your personal telephone number...............
Send the above details to this email: detectivesuc@yahoo.com
 

so that i can forward your delivery to you immediately. I am hoping that you will be able to use the broken down movie prop chariot wisely and judiciously over there in your City.   Licensing, dealer prep and options is up to you.  Please you have to do your part to also alleviate the level of poverty in my region, my reprehensible will contact you for how much it will cost you in the first place.

Thank you for accepting our offer, we are indeed grateful You Can Google my name for more information: Pill & Malignant Grates Foundation. 
Remain a douche canoe.

Regards
Pill & Malignant Grates Foundation
 
My pet rock, Seymour, says that this edit is wrong on so many levels.  But right where it belongs with the scammers.
 
Good pet rock.
 





 

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

I love how you twist these around. Great fun.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. ☺

12 July, 2017 10:44  

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