Saturday, May 13, 2017

Pizza Can Be So Misleading

In more ways than one.

And yes, Sandee, you are seeing Seymour actually ladling tomato sauce atop a pizza in progress, courtesy of another of his hosts, Lynn Abbott.

"Unlike in Skunk's kitchen, this one turned out GOOD!  PHFFFFFT!"

With Lynn supervising, I'm sure it did.  But we digress.

Scamstress Falicia Mogab thought to spring upon one of my characters a very old, tired scam template, one involving her dying without child, and having money in the bank that she wanted my character to access (via her crooked bannister) for widows and orphans.

To quote Seymour, PHFFFFFFFFFT!!

"You didn't do it right".


Anyway, that was her scam.  It deserved an edit.  It literally cried out for one.  For reasons not even Seymour can explain, pizza became a central theme in that edit:

Doughnation from  Mrs. Falicia Mogab
Bishop To Knight Level 3[38 rue des martyrs cocody
Abidjan, Ivory Coast.

Dearest one in pizza crust,

I am from  Kuwait. I went out for a pizza.  Now I'm in Ivory Coast.  To say that my GPS sucks is the understatement of the millennium.  When I left for the pizza, I was married to Mr. Mark  Mogab , who worked with Kuwait embassy in Liechtenstein for nine years before he died waiting on me to return with the pizza.  We were married for eleven years without a child. He was a eunuch in the Kuwaiti Embassy in Liechtenstein and here I am in Ivory Coast.  How DNC is this?  Apparently only Wikileaks and the Russians know.

Before his death from starvation, he became a bored again Muslim atheist. Since his death I decided to remarry and give my new spouse the pizza, if he can knock me up to get a child outside my matrimonial home which the atheist korant is for before it was against before it was ambivalent and decided that more cowbell was the answer when compared to a Coke bottle vs a goat baphomet dildo. You followed that, right?

Currently, I am here in Ivory Coast, waiting for the pizza.  There's no one here that knows what a pizza is.  There was an Italian family here on holiday, but they were killed when the ox cart they were riding in was stomped by an elephant listening to an ipad.  Why is that allowed?  To make matters more surreal, recently my doctor told me that I have serious sickness which is a dietary aversion to pizza problem. What disturbs me most is how my genital part is hanging at my knees and army ants are trying to have at it.  Knowing my condition I sent out ships to all corners of the Earth.  On board were the Twelve:  the twat waffle, the douche canoe, the corrupt genital that lost the White House, her spouse with the addiction to intern genital humidors, the CA botoxed former speaker of the horse, cnn, and the other so-called geeawds of legends, though geeawds they were in their own atrophied minds. 

After all is said and done -- which regarding the pizza is very in doubt just now -- I has decided to donate this pizza to church or those who utilize this dough the way I was planning to before all this really stupid sh*t happened here. 
The atheist korant doesn't really say anything about this other than some gibberish in Farsi about camel sex and cous cous.  I took this decision on the pizza because I do not have any much more time to wait on this gawddamned thing and my husband relatives are not here; they're in Kaliforlornia applying for welfare.   I do not want a situation where this pizza will be used in an unspeakable manner, assuming it ever gets made. That's why I'm taking this decision. I'm not afraid of burritos, but I'm less likely to get one here.

I do not need a telephone communication in this regard because there is no f**king way this will make one lick of sense. In God all things are possible, except when it comes to getting a pizza ordered here in Ivory Coast. As soon as I get an answer I will give you contact of the restaurant here in Abidjan.  Maybe you can get them to understand what a pizza is. My happiness is that with you taking over this order, I don't have to put up with this sh*t anymore and I can try to find my way back home to Kuwait, Liechtenstein or that damned welfare office in Fresno.

Reply "me" and if you're among the first 100 people to do so, no one here will have any idea what you're talking about.  Hope to get an answer other than "me".
Send me the following information, as per below.

Your full name ..........
Address ...........
Age ...............
occupation ........
Photo ...............
Type of Pizza ................
Still touched by an anvil which explains many things.
Yours in pizza crust,
Sister Falicia Mogab.  
The scammer was probably too nonplused to know what it means to be nonplused; she just knowd that after reading the above, a reply was probably going as far as her pizza was.  

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