Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Legends Of The Farce

Benin -- a *thing* located geogiraffically in West Africa, heart of online Scamland -- has a police farce.

Witness their proof:


BENIN POLICE FORCE
FRAUD/CONTRACT AND IDENTITY THEFT INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT
OFFICE OF THE INSPECTOR GENERAL OF POLICE
COMMAND FORCE HEADQUARTERS
LOUIS EDET HOUSE CENTRAL BUSINESS DISTRICT
COTONOU BENIN

Attn: My Dear

We received an instruction memo and letter few days ago from the New York Police Department in America that your consignment box was freight by UPS diplomat Courier Company was stopped by the United States Joint Patrol Team in the Transport and Security Administration Department, the letter also made us to understand that your consignment box is due for urgent repatriation back to Africa yesterday, however as I write you now the consignment box has your particulars as evidence of proof of ownership, and it was returned back to Africa early hours of today, and was deposited to my station.

This notification letter report is based on the returned of your consignment box,and you are urgently advise to give urgent attention to this development, Well, I have also contacted UPS office headquarters to know why all these happened and I now understand the reason why the consignment box has been having problems on transit while in an attempt to reach you, the problem is very simple, it was because all these while, you guys never employ a police constable to follow up the delivery with a Police certified Extract Clearance Report, well, there is one way to which this box right here could reach you without long stories again, and that way is first of all getting a Police Extract of this your consignment box thereafter I will personally bring it to your house or as sign a Police Constable to escort the consignment box to your house.

As a member of the Federal Executive Council, I to traveled to USA with President Patrice Talon of Benin to the Obama’s Presidential Inauguration last week assuming your consignment box came to my office earlier than this, I would have come to the state along with it. Meanwhile, The cost of getting this consignment to your doorstep is nothing to be compared to what you had spent before, the only protocol to be observed is for you to get the Police Extract Clearance Report of the consignment box, and this clearance certificate shall cost you the sum of $310 USD and this is the only money you have to pay for the consignment to get to you, however If you can rally round and get just only $310 USD i will help you with all that processes therein, I will also help you get the Police Extract and transport the consignment a long side the entourage of the presidential convoy, though it will be stressful on me, but i can help you do it if you can send the sum $310 USD as early as possible today.

I will use the money to settle the pilot and some officials so that nobody will disturb the movement as we come to meet you in your house
.  

And it goes on for a few more paragiraffes like that.


*Edit time*:


BENIN PO-LEECE FARCE
FRAUG/CONTWACT AND INDEMNITY THEFT INCESTIGATION DEPARTMENT
OFFICE OF THE INSPECTOR GENITAL OF PO-LEECE
COMMAND FARCE HINDQUARTERS
LOUIS EDET HOUSE CENTRAL BUSINESS DISTRICT
COTONOU BENIN
THE TOXIC WASTE DUMP OF WEST AFRICA

Attn: 

We received an instruction memo letter few days ago from the New York Police Department in America.  Unfartunortly, it are writ in Englash an' we no canna ken Englash 'cuz we iz frum Benin, the Toxic Waist Frump of West Africant.  The letter also made us look Fourth Worldish and dumber than hellary counting electoral bloats, however as I write you ewesing the Gooble transluber, nun of this make moor snense now than yesterdaze fowl movemunt.  

This mortification ladder retort is based on the returned of a shipment of piranha thongs we got from Hollyweird celebrunties with pea brains and the sense Gord gave a dumbham.  Well, I have also contracted painful Clinton rectal itch and I want to know why all these happened because I drag myself ass first across the jungle and it no hep me noun.  The problem is very simple, it was because all these while, you wart privileged guys never defile a cocktail waitless who defile retort with a poleece constabull to swallow up the evidernce extracted from a Clearance Clarence, huh Report, well, there is one way to which this horkey punt could reach you without long stories and dangling partisurples again, and that way is first of all getting a Po-leece from Benin's Farce to oxcart it to Newark, where it sure to be mugged by a narchist from Seecattle.

As a member of the Hairy Fungerer Ex-Marital Cowsills, I traveled long, singing a song, in search of El Camino with a pygmy choir and the president of our one and only flush toilet in Benin, Patrice 'Charmin' Talon.  He was going to the Obama’s apology tour last week assuming he's still apologizing for the bulge in Moochelle's thong, I would have come to the state of chaos bordered by Califorlornia, but I followed voting directums from the DNC and erected Tromp along with it. Meanwhile, The coast ain't clear; it's full of stuff that ain't see through.  The only protocol to be observed is there's no business like this business yes this business I give...you.  *crickets*

Tough audiants.  Army ants are.
For no other raisin than to get me a good smell pecker is for you to just up and send me the sum of $310 USD and this is the only monkey you have to send it to.  

I will use the monkey to buy my spouse tampins that aren't made of tree bark.  She get really ugly when she use them.  Send the spanked monkey thusly:

Respond to this soonest; operators are standing by because centipedes took over their chairs.
Barr. Eric Jah
Inspector Genital of Po-leece  
 
I can't speak for anyone else, but had I a spouse, she'd not be getting tree bark tampins.  My couch sucks...

Labels: ,

1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Nice edit. Your mind is a very frightening place. Good, but frightening.

I'm sure it will take some time to figure out what you said and then you'll get one of their witty responses. I always enjoy those witty responses.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My very best to Seymour and Element. ☺

16 May, 2017 08:39  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home